Doll Cemetery (2019) Poster

(2019)

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2/10
Another skippable no-budget snoozer.
Otkon27 August 2019
Like most of the horror today, it's clearly made on cellphones by a 12 year-old whose uncle runs a not-for-profit community theater. There is no notion of cinematography, especially in camera movement or lighting. The music is generic. The acting is cheesy. There are dumb masks.

Avoid. I don't even know you but I am kindly sparing you a wasted hour-and-a-half of your life. Avoid. this. "movie".
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The stuff being made today now is just horrorBLE.
whitemanfromtowne27 August 2019
Let's face it, horror films with low or high budgets being produced today, are the worst they've ever been. I have not seen one decent horror film in three years. The stuff being made now is just horrorBLE. And after watching the trailer for this film, I can further conclude that it's another film that should be avoided. Gone are the days of good horror movies, nowadays it's nothing but stupidity and bad acting... especially for horror movies.
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1/10
Beware... Here Be Dragons... or in this case... An Atrociously Written And Directed Movie...
stephenabell1 September 2019
As I stated in my review for The Convent, when a successful film is released a lot of people jump on the bandwagon to sell their goods. However, unlike The Convent, this snake oil is putrefied.

There are only two minor elements within this picture that are decent. The first is the actor you portrays the literary agent. He's the only one in the cast who appears to take his craft seriously. Jon-Paul Gates isn't too bad as the lead Brendon but he does get wooden and hammy throughout the film. However, I cannot help thinking how much better this piece of trash would have been had the roles been reversed between these two.

Second is the filming - though only in a couple of scenes. The scene where Brendan meets with his agent. This is nicely directed and nicely shot. And there are a couple of drone-cam shots that work well also.

So that's the good bits over...

The story is horrendous. There's a scene where Brendon is talking to the local, walking-talking able-bodied mute paraplegic, harlot at his writing retreat. He informs her he never wanted to write horror he wanted to be more of a Dylan Thomas. He chose horror because it was easy. You take a few situations and put them together and hey-presto. This is how the writer and director (both loose terms here) Steven M Smith cobbled this monstrosity together. Well let me tell you Mr Smith Horror isn't easy but CRAP is, as you have proven here.

The characters and situations are ludicrous and unbelievable. The most realistic thing about this film is... the cottage. I had to think long and hard about that. But even the cottage isn't perfect. Places like these, that are let out to people as holiday homes or getaways, at least have some objet d'art in them. This house is cold and bare and devoid of any atmosphere... oh, was the cottage supposed to be an allegory of this film?

As for the relationships between the village folk and our hero well, strange is a word that comes to mind. For example, one moment he's wary of the roving and raving madman. The next they're knocking back a few in his cottage. No rhyme - No Reason.

This also falls into bad continuity. Which can also be laid squarely at Arthur The Doll's feet... literally. This doll, which is just a person in a wooden mask has a laughable way of moving around. He walks upstairs slowly, He nearly falls over when going around corners. And, when you get a shot down at his feet he does running baby steps. None of which screams walking doll at me. But why does he need to move around when he can magically teleport between reality and the mirror world(?) In one scene he appears in bed in the mirror but he's not in the bed in the room. Then he's in the bed in the room but not in the mirror bed. This carries on for a few cuts to drive our hero mad. However, if he has this wonderful ability why does he need to walk at all?

I will say this for Arthur though, he does like his hammers. He mainly dispatches his opponents by hammering them in the stomach... while they just calmly lay there and let him. But when Arthur transforms into giant Arthur his hammer becomes an iron mallet. Surprising thing is, the claw hammer could kill with a few taps of the hammer side, whereas, the mallet which is thrown full force squarely at our hero's head only knocks him out. The thing should have taken half his skull off.

So if you're still thinking about watching this rubbish then I wish you all the best of luck. This film stole an hour and a half from me. It doesn't have to steal it from you too. If you require a horror fix then feel free to pop over and check out my Absolute Horror List / Chart. You can see where this film ranked and choose something better to view.

This film is so bad I rated it a 1.5 which equates to a 2 on IMDb, but it's not worth a 2... I just can't do it.
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1/10
Don't watch this movie, bad from beginning to end.
psxexperten31 August 2019
One of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. I won't waste many words on this review, as the poor production, camerawork, sound, and acting in this film does not warrant it. The writing sucks, the acting sucks, the directing sucks. Do you get the idea that this entire ting sucks?
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2/10
total waste of time
jstlucas31 August 2019
Watched this before the bad reviews starting coming in and the rating was higher. We kept thinking that something was going to happen to explain what the heck was going on, why is this doll killing people, but it's not! The Arthur doll was ok and sort of creepy. The "effects" such as blood were extremely bad, did they just find red paint and pretend it's blood? We were 45 minutes into it and said "let's stop" but then saw there wasn't much time left (1/2 hour) and thought we'd soldier through it. Oh well, I've seen worse in the past and will probably see worse in the future, but definitely cannot recommend this to anyone.
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2/10
sick, weird, unclear, cursed
nijazmuratovic31 August 2019
This is one of those movies that is neither clear (explained) neither positive. There is mystery, curse, darkness, odd and bad people. Unlike in most movies, in this one everybody was so bad. Like this movie is coming from somebody's dream, the nightmare. Like something about cults, rituals, black magic, and other negative and scary stuff. It was a bit funny doll making movements and kids at the end beating up innoccent man. But unfortunately everything is so nonsense, meaning not explained or reasonable, so no more than 2 stars. Worst of all everything looks fake, even we can see real human hiding only part of face with mask.
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1/10
Follow rule 1.
nogodnomasters12 September 2019
Warning: Spoilers
This is another Steven M. Smith doll film that should not have been made. Brendan Cobbs (Jon-Paul Gates) has writer's block. His agent sends him on a rural retreat. He gets a doll in the mail, one that we have seen come to life before and kill two people. Doll gives him nightmares and he is told to follow rule 1.

Acting was bad. Could have used a decent soundtrack. Dull and boring for the most part. Even the writing within the script was sad.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.
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1/10
I want my money and my 1h20min of my life back 😩😩
heil-krystian7 September 2019
Worse movie ever, had to watch it as I'm stubborn and paid £3.45 for it on rakuten #facepalm

They should pay ME to watch it I think !!
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