Destination Wedding (2018)
Lindsay: Don't you believe there is someone for everyone?
Frank: Close. I believe that there is nobody for anyone.
Lindsay: You know, I'm not wearing anything under my pajamas.
Frank: Why would you? They're so alluring.
Lindsay: I didn't think I was going to be intimate this weekend... or any weekend.
Frank: Superman couldn't see through those pajamas. People have jousted in lighter clothing.
[while having sex in the wilderness]
Frank: On the off-chance that we are making a baby, do you want a boy or a girl?
Lindsay: You're asking me this now?
Frank: I'm killing time.
Frank: Why would anyone have my mother as their maid of honor?
Lindsay: I know, it's like having the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.
Lindsay: Howard left your mother?
Frank: 'Left' is not a strong enough word. Fled.
Lindsay: For an older woman?
Frank: He would have left for an otter. Anyway, leaving is leaving.
Lindsay: No, no. Leaving for a younger woman is awful, it's horrible. But leaving for an older woman is perverse.
Frank: [Buckling from the weight of carrying Lindsay] . You have a high, specific gravity.
Lindsay: Yeah, dense bones.
Frank: Really deceptive avoirdupois.
Lindsay: This is the slowest I've ever been carried.
Frank: I hope it's a big place.
Lindsay: It isn't.
Frank: If I see you at a restaurant I'll go to another restaurant.
Lindsay: I'm not gonna be in any restaurants.
Frank: Why? Are you checking into a mental institution?
Frank: [on being confronted by a mountain lion] We are not a herd, we are wedding guests.
Frank: And how do you know the esteemed Keith?
Lindsay: I was engaged to him six years ago.
Frank: Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.
Lindsay: Why, how do you know him?
Frank: He and I have the same mother.
Lindsay: Holy shit, you're Frank? Ohh, you're even worse than he said.
Frank: You too.
Frank: I consider it a triumph of the will that there aren't shallow graves dotting my back yard.
Frank: What brings you to San Luis Obispo?
Lindsay: You don't have to.
Lindsay: Talk. Honestly, I'd be happier if you didn't.
Lindsay: Would you like to know about you?
Lindsay: Yes you would. You're very handsome... And you have a beautiful penis.
Frank: I do?
Lindsay: Oh come on Frank. Surely people have told you that your entire life.
Lindsay: Well it's very nice. It's straight, and you would not believe how epidemic a problem that is. Also it's baletically formed. It's not so big as to ever be a concern, but it's big enough never to be the object of ridicule or scorn. You're in a very sweet spot there.
Frank: Are you saying that Keith's penis is not straight?
Lindsay: Can you imagine that we would have gone this entire weekend without saying these things to each other?
Frank: Balletically formed?
Lindsay: That's right
Lindsay: So what do you do Frank, that is when you're not shining your light upon the world?
Frank: I run marketing for J. D. Power and Assoc.
Lindsay: The 'Car of the Year' people?
Frank: No, that's a magazine.
Lindsay: I bought one of your 'Cars of the Year'. It was a piece of crap.
Frank: Again, a magazine. Common error.
Lindsay: Is that the career you dreamed of? Handing out awards by the fistful?
Frank: Hugely successful company, extremely well respected.
Lindsay: It's corporate brownnosing on a national scale.
Frank: International. And don't sleep on awards. Our country lives on self-congratulation.
Lindsay: Let me ask you this. Has there ever been a car that wasn't a J.D. Power and Assoc. car of the year?
Frank: We don't do 'Car of the Year'. That's a magazine.
Lindsay: I've seen those Lucite trophies. They're on every car commercial for every car, ever.
Frank: What do you do anyway?
Lindsay: I prosecute companies and institutions for culturally insensitive actions or speech.
Frank: You're the politically correct police.
Frank: You parse what people say and do, and then accuse them of being racist or misogynist or otherwise horrible. You destroy lives and reputations for money.
Lindsay: [scoffs] No.
Frank: Is that what you dreamed of ? A career of reverse fascism?
Lindsay: I can't remember dreaming.
Lindsay: Don't you want to secretly have a romantic life that confirms your hopes instead of your cynicism?
Lindsay: Don't you want to believe that things like this actually do happen?
Frank: Nope. I'm fond of my own cynicism. It's very comfortable.
Lindsay: Like a warm blanket of your own shit.
Frank: Yes. Yes. I'm very comfortable and warm in my fucking warm blanket of fucking shit.