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Destination Wedding (2018) Poster

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Lindsay: Don't you believe there is someone for everyone?

Frank: Close. I believe that there is nobody for anyone.

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Lindsay: You know, I'm not wearing anything under my pajamas.

Frank: Why would you? They're so alluring.

Lindsay: I didn't think I was going to be intimate this weekend... or any weekend.

Frank: Superman couldn't see through those pajamas. People have jousted in lighter clothing.

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Lindsay: Why didn't we meet seven years ago?

Frank: Just lucky I guess.

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[while having sex in the wilderness]

Frank: On the off-chance that we are making a baby, do you want a boy or a girl?

Lindsay: You're asking me this now?

Frank: I'm killing time.

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Frank: Why would anyone have my mother as their maid of honor?

Lindsay: I know, it's like having the Grim Reaper at your CAT scan.

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Lindsay: Howard left your mother?

Frank: 'Left' is not a strong enough word. Fled.

Lindsay: For an older woman?

Frank: He would have left for an otter. Anyway, leaving is leaving.

Lindsay: No, no. Leaving for a younger woman is awful, it's horrible. But leaving for an older woman is perverse.

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Frank: [Buckling from the weight of carrying Lindsay] . You have a high, specific gravity.

Lindsay: Yeah, dense bones.

Frank: Really deceptive avoirdupois.

Lindsay: This is the slowest I've ever been carried.

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Frank: I hope it's a big place.

Lindsay: It isn't.

Frank: If I see you at a restaurant I'll go to another restaurant.

Lindsay: I'm not gonna be in any restaurants.

Frank: Why? Are you checking into a mental institution?

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Frank: [on being confronted by a mountain lion] We are not a herd, we are wedding guests.

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Frank: And how do you know the esteemed Keith?

Lindsay: I was engaged to him six years ago.

Frank: Oh, my God, you're Lindsay.

Lindsay: Why, how do you know him?

Frank: He and I have the same mother.

Lindsay: Holy shit, you're Frank? Ohh, you're even worse than he said.

Frank: You too.

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Lindsay: Do you wanna have children?

Frank: I'd rather be dead in a ditch.

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Frank: I consider it a triumph of the will that there aren't shallow graves dotting my back yard.

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Frank: What brings you to San Luis Obispo?

Lindsay: You don't have to.

Frank: What?

Lindsay: Talk. Honestly, I'd be happier if you didn't.

Frank: Fine.

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Lindsay: Would you like to know about you?

Frank: No.

Lindsay: Yes you would. You're very handsome... And you have a beautiful penis.

Frank: I do?

Lindsay: Oh come on Frank. Surely people have told you that your entire life.

Frank: No.

Lindsay: Well it's very nice. It's straight, and you would not believe how epidemic a problem that is. Also it's baletically formed. It's not so big as to ever be a concern, but it's big enough never to be the object of ridicule or scorn. You're in a very sweet spot there.

Frank: Are you saying that Keith's penis is not straight?

Lindsay: Can you imagine that we would have gone this entire weekend without saying these things to each other?

Frank: Balletically formed?

Lindsay: That's right

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Lindsay: So what do you do Frank, that is when you're not shining your light upon the world?

Frank: I run marketing for J. D. Power and Assoc.

Lindsay: The 'Car of the Year' people?

Frank: No, that's a magazine.

Lindsay: I bought one of your 'Cars of the Year'. It was a piece of crap.

Frank: Again, a magazine. Common error.

Lindsay: Is that the career you dreamed of? Handing out awards by the fistful?

Frank: Hugely successful company, extremely well respected.

Lindsay: It's corporate brownnosing on a national scale.

Frank: International. And don't sleep on awards. Our country lives on self-congratulation.

Lindsay: Let me ask you this. Has there ever been a car that wasn't a J.D. Power and Assoc. car of the year?

Frank: We don't do 'Car of the Year'. That's a magazine.

Lindsay: I've seen those Lucite trophies. They're on every car commercial for every car, ever.

Frank: What do you do anyway?

Lindsay: I prosecute companies and institutions for culturally insensitive actions or speech.

Frank: You're the politically correct police.

Lindsay: No.

Frank: You parse what people say and do, and then accuse them of being racist or misogynist or otherwise horrible. You destroy lives and reputations for money.

Lindsay: [scoffs] No.

Frank: Is that what you dreamed of ? A career of reverse fascism?

Lindsay: I can't remember dreaming.

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Lindsay: Don't you want to secretly have a romantic life that confirms your hopes instead of your cynicism?

Frank: No.

Lindsay: Don't you want to believe that things like this actually do happen?

Frank: Nope. I'm fond of my own cynicism. It's very comfortable.

Lindsay: Like a warm blanket of your own shit.

Frank: Yes. Yes. I'm very comfortable and warm in my fucking warm blanket of fucking shit.

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Frank: You okay?

Lindsay: Nope. You?

Frank: I'm all fucked up and I always will be.

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