American Guinea Pig: The Song of Solomon

There aren't enough words in the English language to describe just how awful this film is. Completely devoid of substance and lacking of any redeeming quality. Not to mention what an awful person the director is. Absolutely nothing worth anything here.

I'm a huge fan of Guinea Pig so i've decided to start watching American Guinea Pig as well. And... this one is... something... it has a nice idea to show creative gore scenes and possession but the acting and story kinda makes it fall flat for me. The actors and actresses just kinda feel stale and lifeless.

It did have some pretty horrific gore scenes though. But a few scenes were dragged out, for instance, the intestine vomiting scene lasts a good ~5 or so minutes. Really could've been cut shorter but they dragged it out so it didn't shock as well for me.

It's a nice love letter to Guinea Pig but don't expect anything amazing.

The Song of Solomon is a bit of a departure for the American Guinea Pig series: instead of virtually plot-free systematic torture, the film depicts the exorcism of a young woman, Mary (Jessica Cameron), by a series of Catholic priests, which, in true Unearthed Films style, results in lots of gory mayhem. In fact, director Stephen Biro piles on so much splatter that his film becomes comedic in its excess, which I don't believe was the intention.

For me, the gore that broke the camel's back was a scene clearly inspired by Fulci's Gates of Hell (AKA City of the Living Dead), wherein Mary yarfs up her insides. After a lot of reaching, up come her small intestines-but wait, there's more: a couple of organs are thrown up onto her bed in a bloody heap, followed by a large intestine. But Biro doesn't stop there... he has Mary pick up each glistening organ and stuff them back into her mouth one-by-one. This goes on for so long that it's hard to take seriously. Also giving me the giggles is the moment when the final priest gives up reading stuff from his Little Book of Exorcism and climbs on top of Mary to hump the demon out of her - it's supposed to be shocking (I think), but I couldn't keep a straight face.

The best moment comes towards the end of the film (just before the humping), when Mary's contorted limbs snap and split open (sterling work by make-up effects guys Jerami Cruise and Marcus Koch) - that part was as close to revolting as it gets - but the rest of the film is just a poor man's The Exorcist with much more blood and a silly 'twist' ending.

Where do I begin with this pathetic third installment of the American guinea pig films. The horrendous acting or the lamest dialogue ever written. I felt insulted for being tricked into watching this C-movie. I wish I could remember the reviewers name who actually said this was a pretty good film because I would put his ass on blast, He needs to quit giving advice immediately because he has no clue when a film is a crock of Sh$%. One of these user reviews stated this film was far fetched but that was too kind for this abomination. How can a movie even be made about priests performing exorcisms without the writers or directors who are obviously not religious do no research on the topic at hand. I mean the lords prayer was the only prayer said through the whole movie and they did it 10 times as if a priest only knows 1 prayer (Our father who art in heaven) That's a dead giveaway to anybody who worships that you are not well versed in God's word, And for a priest to appear in that fashion crushes any belief that he possesses faith. The special effects were the worst I've seen from the guinea pig collection long drawn out moans and character reactions were abhorrent and comical at best and it really does a disservice to the first "American Guinea Pig" which by all accounts was the best one because atleast it attempted to look some what real with an OK dialogue but if this is the first Guinea pig film someone gets to see they will never attempt to watch another. I forced myself to sit and watch these 82 mins. Of my life being wasted because I wanted to be totally sure this atrocity was from start to finish and I was right. At one point I broke out into laughter because the possessed girl started singing which I guess was the song of soloman and all of a sudden it turned into a musical. Please do yourself a favor and do not waste almost an hour and a half watching this way below average pile of garbage because that's why I wrote this review to save you from wasted time. And yes you are welcome in advance.

I made it 50 minutes and turned it of. Everything ab out this was so, so bad. They would have done much better if they had just taken the easy path and tried to make this a comedy. I think the person who played Mary was the best actor, and she was not that great. Everything about this was equally awful. The items the priests were wearing as well as their cleric jewelry and other items they adorned or used look like halloween costumes. I guess they weren't the worst costumes I'd seen, but, still awful. And the scenes that required anyone to speak anything other than English.. again, awful. It looked like they probably did their best to nail those lines during filming, but sound was quite obviously dubbed for the non-English lines, and you could tell by the way it sounded that it was dubbed and voiced over.

This is probably a 1 or 1.5 but honestly out of the kindness of my heart I gave it 2 stars for the simple fact that at least there was consistency! Consistently awful.