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The Death of Stalin (2017) Poster

Quotes

Lavrentiy Beria: [standing over Stalin's unconscious body] Have a long sleep, old man. I'll take it from here.

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Vasily Stalin: I know the drill. Smile, shake hands and try not to call them cunts.

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Vasily Stalin: I want to make a speech at my father's funeral.

Nikita Khrushchev: [sarcastically] And I want to fuck Grace Kelly.

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Georgy Zhukov: I'm going to have to report this conversation, threatening to do harm or obstruct any member of the Presidium in the process of...

[He sees Khrushchev's expression and bursts out laughing]

Georgy Zhukov: look at your fucking face!

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Guard 1: [hearing Stalin's body hit the floor with a thud] Should we investigate...?

Guard 2: Should you shut the fuck up before you get us both killed?

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Kaganovich: [Talking to Nikita Khrushchev] How can you run and plot at the same time?

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Kaganovich: All the best doctors are in the gulag or dead.

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Andreyev: Don't worry, nobody's gonna get killed, I promise you. This is just a musical emergency!

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Georgy Zhukov: Right, what's a war hero got to do to get some lubrication around here?

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Joseph Stalin: [receiving the record from the soldier who brought it to him] What took you so long? You fucking walk here?

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Nikita Khrushchev: This is how people get killed, when your story don't fit.

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Georgy Malenkov: Nod as I'm speaking to you. People are looking to me for reassurance and I have no idea what's going on.

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Kaganovich: [seeing the priests] I thought we'd banned those freaks.

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Gulag Prisoner: Long Live Stalin!

Soldier: Stalin's Dead! Malenkov's in charge!

Gulag Prisoner: Long live Malenk...

[shot in the head]

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Maria Veniaminovna Yudina: Josef Vissarionovich Stalin, you have betrayed our nation and destroyed its people. I pray for your end and ask the Lord to forgive you. Tyrant.

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Kaganovich: I've had nightmares that made more sense than this.

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Svetlana Stalin: [seeing the doctors gathered for Stalin] They look like mental patients.

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Lavrentiy Beria: It's lucky we both now live in the new Soviet Union or you and your wife and your family would be a pile of dust on the floor of a crematorium toilet.

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Vasily Stalin: My father... was a warm and mighty bear, and we are his 170 million orphaned cubs.

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Georgy Malenkov: He's saying I am the lamb, and you the people have given me life!

Anastas Mikoyan: Or, the lamb is the people and the milk is socialism!

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Georgy Zhukov: A modern soldier's greatest fear, it's not death, it's not starvation, it's chafing!

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Nikita Khrushchev: You are accused of treachery against the Soviet Union, and of giving help to foreign powers...

Lavrentiy Beria: Foreign Powers? From where, the fucking moon?

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Nikita Khrushchev: You smell like rendered horse, you burning asshole!

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Maria Veniaminovna Yudina: I'm confident of ever-lasting life.

Nikita Khrushchev: Who the fuck in their right mind would want ever-lasting life?

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Andreyev: I don't think any of these people ever heard of Mozart.

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Lavrentiy Beria: Shoot her before him but make sure he sees it, shoot him take him to his church and dump him in the pulpit, the rest I leave up to you.

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Vasily Stalin: I hate being sober it's a terrible, terrible mood to be in.

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Georgy Malenkov: Can a pause be part of the Revolution?

[pause]

Georgy Malenkov: I think it can.

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Soldier: Time to catch a pig for the pot.

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Vasily Stalin: I want to make a speech at my father's funeral

Lavrentiy Beria: Comrade Malenkov, you're view...

Georgy Malenkov: Well I think, um... it can be... no problem.

Nikita Khrushchev: Technically yes, but practically...

Lavrentiy Beria: There are programmatic complications...

Georgy Malenkov: I think I misspoke when I said "No problem" what I meant was, "No." "Problem."

[Everyone in the room look confused]

Georgy Malenkov: Ignore me.

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Vasily Stalin: [to the hockey team] Come on, play! Play better!

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Georgy Malenkov: [to the small girl who's been chosen for a photo-op] OK! Balcony! Let's go!

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Sergei: Who was it?

Andreyev: The Secretariat of the General Secretariat. Of the General Secretary. The Secretary of the General...

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Svetlana Stalin: Wade carefully through the river because there are snakes and crocodiles.

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Lavrentiy Beria: Is there any cheese in this building?

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Soldier: We found her! She's grown a bit since the photograph...

Georgy Malenkov: She's the size of an ostrich. No.

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Nikita Khrushchev: It's only comrades and friends that can yell at each other like this.

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Georgy Malenkov: All of you can kiss my Russian ass!

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Vyacheslav Molotov: [fussing over a dog] Yes he is! Nikita's going to be dead! Yes he is!

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Georgy Malenkov: He deserves a trial, he's one of us!

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Vyacheslav Molotov: Stalin would be loving this.

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Lavrentiy Beria: Please don't shoot me!

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Georgy Zhukov: Everybody happy? Proper dead? Go back to Georgia, dead boy!

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Nikita Khrushchev: I will bury you in history!

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Georgy Zhukov: I fucked Germany, I think I can take a flesh lump in a fucking waistcoat.

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Vyacheslav Molotov: Today Beria gets an eight-foot crucifix... up his arse!

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Vyacheslav Molotov: I've always been loyal to Stalin, always. This arrests were authorized by Stalin but Stalin was also loyal to the collective leadership and that is true loyalty. However, he also had an iron will, undeviating, strong, could we not do the same and stick to what we believed in? No. It is stronger still to forge our own beliefs within the beliefs of the collective leadership, which I have now... done.

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Maria Veniaminovna Yudina: "Even Stalin"? You'd better hope this place isn't bugged!

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Georgy Zhukov: [after being given the signal for the Army to start the coup against Beria] Good luck ladies!

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Georgy Malenkov: [choosing a portrait of himself] I would like... that one destroyed.

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Nikita Khrushchev: ...sexual deviancy, bourgeois immorality...

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Svetlana Stalin: I never thought it would be you.

Nikita Khrushchev: [rolls his eyes]

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Lavrentiy Beria: False Narrative!

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Nikita Khrushchev: [to Beria] You're just making this shit up as you go along!

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Anastas Mikoyan: Where's the Big Guy?

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Georgy Zhukov: You've balls like Kremlin domes!

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Vasily Stalin: My father was a great social scientist, but we the people of the Soviet Union are not laboratory animals!

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Lavrentiy Beria: Vasily! I sometimes wonder if he's meant for this World.

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Vyacheslav Molotov: If nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopek.

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Svetlana Stalin: He's not bad, he's just ill.

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Caption: There will be a brief time of mourning.

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Georgy Zhukov: [looking at Malenkov's new hairstyle] Jesus Christ, did Coco Chanel take a shit on your head?

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Anastas Mikoyan: I'm knackered! It's been a busy ol' week...

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Svetlana Stalin: We'd better have some Tea and Buns. Soak up the Vodka.

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Nikita Khrushchev: Can we stop twittering like fishwives?

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Kaganovich: Out of my way you fannies!

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Georgy Malenkov: [stretches] I have a bad back, and the head is the heaviest part.

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Lavrentiy Beria: Courage! Courage, Little Bird!

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Svetlana Stalin: Look at the state of that herb garden! Do people not eat herbs any more, do they only eat wheat?

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Lavrentiy Beria: It smells like a Baku Pisshouse in here.

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Lavrentiy Beria: Take the papers! Take them or I'll cut your eyes out one at a time so you can watch it happening!

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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