Fifty Shades of Black (2016)
Christian Black: And now the real torture begins.
[Hannah screams, Christian chuckles]
Christian Black: Where were we?
[Hannah screams again as Christian deviously chuckles]
Hannah Steele: [as she cries] I can't remember the safe word.
Christian Black: Chapter 23...
[Hannah screams again as Christian pulls "Fifty Shades of Grey" in hardcover up]
Christian Black: "It was a cold, gloomy day in Seattle..."
[puts the book down in revulsion]
Christian Black: Oh, God, this book is 50 shades of fucking terrible. Who wrote this, a third grader?
Hannah Steele: [screaming] Please go back to the water torture thing!
Christian Black: I got my money the way most black entrepreneurs got theirs.
Hannah Steele: Real estate?
Christian Black: Drug dealing.
Hannah Steele: You want me to be somebody that I am not.
Christian Black: No, no. It's not me that's changing you, it's you that's changing me!
Hannah Steele: Wait a minute... that's a line from the movie Radio.
Christian Black: No it's not.
Hannah Steele: Yeah, yeah. The movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. where he played this mentally disabled athlete. "It's not us that's teaching Radio, it's Radio that's teaching us"!
Christian Black: Nah, my- mine is way different.
Hannah Steele: It's the same premise.
Christian Black: You complete me?
Hannah Steele: Jerry Maguire, also starring Cuba Gooding Jr. I don't understand your whole fixation on him.
Christian Black: You know, all this time I thought I wasn't in the right place, but I was!
Hannah Steele: That's Snowdogs.
Christian Black: Goddammit! I gotta stop binging on Netflix.
[Christian scans his wall of whips, including those from Glory, Roots, Django Unchained, 10 Years a Slave, and finally Joe Jackson, which is a belt]
Christian Black: Nothing says ass whipping like good ol' Joe Jackson.
Ron: [about Hannah's stepdads] You know the old saying: it takes a village, and it's true, especially when it comes to your mom being a gutter slut and the village is a gangbang.
Charlese: [Christian shows Charlese the sex room]
Charlese: What we supposed to do in here?
Christian Black: Well, I thought we'd start with a little bit of rope play.
[Christian loses his smile]
Christian Black: Okay, well, how about I just mount you to that rack over there and spank you?
Charlese: Hell to the no!
Christian Black: Perhaps a little bit of flogging?
Charlese: I don't even know what the hell flogging means, so fuck to the no!
Christian Black: Okay, well, what are we supposed to do then?
Charlese: You need to find Jesus! That's what you can do!
Hannah Steele: [after Christian buys cable ties and tape] If I didn't know better, I might mistake you for a serial killer.
Christian Black: Haha, don't be ridiculous. If I was a serial killer I'd need rope, ax, lye, ammonia, chloropill, wood chipper, plastic sheets, and three large boxes of space pampers! And a shovel. On second thought, I think I need to pick up a few more items.
Hannah Steele: I hate you the way black people hate cops.
Christian Black: Wow.
Hannah Steele: I hate you the way Republicans hate Obamacare.
Christian Black: Baby, come on now.
Hannah Steele: I hate you the way Kanye West hates everybody else.
Christian Black: Well, I'm kind of with him on Taylor Swift.