I rarely review movies, but this one was just so bad. I wasn't expecting much from the sequel to a pretty decent first movie, but everything was just terrible. It was a good premise and had so many good actors but the writing was downright sad.
Just some of the poorly contrived ideas:
The plot: Nobody is going to want to do drugs ever again, the whole idea was to force the governments to make drugs legal, OK that is fine, but to attempt to kill (and successfully kill many thousands at least) every single drug user unless governments comply would turn off so many of the users, effectively killing their business they are trying to grow, and since they had a monopoly on it it would also have to deal with antitrust laws etc. anyway. The little trust they would have would be obliterated
The cages: To treat the diseased, everyone is placed in human cages inside of stadiums. First off, those cages didn't just happen one day, somebody had to be like, "You what we might need in the future? Tens of millions of human cages." These cages are stacked on top of each other to the height of huge stadiums (note that everyone is dancing inside of these small cages, no way it would topple) even though nobody is even dangerous.
The electric whip: No only are all of the Statesmen extremely 'American' and have stupid names, the whip extends ~20 feet and has a power source powerful enough to cut a body in two (yeah, it happens), but it all fits within a small handle that is the same thickness as the first ~10 feet of the whip.
The floodable padded observation room: I can just imagine the designers now, "Gary, we need this observation room to be floodable in a moments notice"
The goo bomb: Is nobody going to explain what that was? Just some huge bomb that solidifies mid explosion? OK
The amazingly spinny ski lift: Because it needs to have the option to spin at 120 rpm in the off chance somebody is escaping down the mountain at 10 miles per hour. The fact that it rotates even though it is already completely glass doesn't make any sense either
The number of drones: Nobody missed an order (or thousands of orders) of hundreds and hundreds of drones to treat everybody in the world with? I'm no expert, but I don't think anybody lives close enough to Mount Blanc to be reached by drones anyway
Elton John: He had one good part getting in front of the dog, but everything else just seemed like they were using him for cheap laughs that didn't pan out like they were hoping
The finger condom: You are telling me they have so many advanced gadgets but they have to use a finger condom to get a tracker on someone. Not to mention their watch supposedly already should have hacked the concert skanks phone when they got close which would have given them the GPS and audio they were wanting in the first place.
Viva las vegans: The whole code that saved humanity was something that the movie wasn't even about.
The head bandage that can freeze a brain so we can regrow the brain and all of the neural connections. Because that is remotely believable
Drug lord lady: Not only does she have a 50's style mini-town on a mountain with very obvious (yet undiscovered) ruins right by it complete with a theater that can fit over a thousand people that nobody has seen, she has all of these outlandish technological advances like the killer robot dogs, but has a simple minefield keeping invaders out. Also the dogs should have been hacked just like the second arm (and the first that conveniently wasn't hacked in the time they were under water)
Robot dogs: Just why
The mine: OK there was only a split second to reapply pressure on the landmine that killed one of the only cool characters, but why not put a very large rock on it. They don't take a lot of pressure and all I could think about was what if another one of them stepped on a land mine, then only one person would be standing awkwardly in the forest without a tripped land mine (especially since they stopped using the land mine detecting bat)
Everything that the Statesmen had in their arsenal: The bat that was a land mine detector, yeah that was a good idea Gerry. The baseball grenade with a HUGE red button as the trigger (what could go wrong), and everything else under the pool table.
Suitcase gun: It was OK in the first one, but why did they need it when they were landing in the jungle, it just seems unnecessary.
The lady that led to the impeachment of the president was mostly just mad she almost died because she was a druggie. And her reason for using was she worked 20 hour days 7 days a week, not only is that just dumb to even say, you are the adviser to the president, he can get another helper if you are too busy, so that was all her fault.
They weren't really gentlemen throughout the movie, so when Eggsy pulls out the chair for Halle Berry it seemed awkward and forced.
There are probably some errors and my views are likely different than yours, it is just my opinion of this terrible, terrible movie. I would suggest you reserve the viewing of this film for a late night when you are all out of Sharknado movies
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