John Shaft Jr.: You can't beat up a woman!
John Shaft II: Why not?
John Shaft Jr.: Because she's a woman! That's like, misogynistic!
John Shaft II: You're the one being misogynistic, I never even mentioned her gender! I'm an equal-opportunity ass-whooper!
John Shaft Jr.: [on his dad] He thinks he's a black James Bond.
John Shaft II: If that dude was real, he'd think he was ME.
John Shaft I: Boy, back in the day, we didn't need guns. All we needed was our bare knuckles.
[reveals an arsenal of firearms]
John Shaft I: But you can't be too prepared.
Maya Babanikos: [to Shaft's honies] Lady Syphilis, Madam Chlamydia, it's lovely to meet you both.
John Shaft II: [from trailer] Damn, you back at having a knife fight?
John Shaft I: Oh hell no, I shot him.
Sasha Arias: [to herself after running toward danger and then running right back] Nope, nope, that's some simple bitch shit. Okay, we ain't gonna be her.
Maya Babanikos: Please tell me that you did not get our son involved in your bullshit!