I found myself twisting uncomfortably in my seat during moments where my perception of my line between acceptable & unacceptable behavior was definitely being crossed (knowing this was no doubt the desired effect made me stubbornly try to fight that feeling of being slightly outraged at what was happening on the screen- but it was too hard to do that! She did too good a job! & I have a very messed up moral compass so it's no easy task to shock me)
& then I was laughing at inappropriate moments (then feeling guilty that I had just laughed when others would cry... Because I have a broken brain) & feeling joy & laughing at the deliberate humor that's sandwiched seconds apart between the mentally deranged actions of Tuuli.
I felt pain at the sick/poisonous romances & the things she does to hurt them & in her delusional attempt to teach them. Partially because of real life experiences. & partially because the pain (for instance brendan after her "play") felt so achingly real. The hurt layered on by watching his friends feeling helpless beside him.
I cried when I saw the statue being altered. I had tried to prepare myself anticipating it was too beautiful to be allowed to stay so lovely in the darkness of her heart - but it still was so hard to imagine something made with love being destroyed - then the statue he makes to replace it - & knowing who he was giving it to- ahhh- needles to the heart!
The subtle artsy shots (cars moving / houses) made it feel easier to connect with the film- it felt personal - it was easy to feel like a fly on the wall- as if I were actually in the room in her parties etc.
The most awkward moment was feeling aroused during the sex scene she walks in on (due to the fact that I was sitting next to my mother- who was not told much about what to expect regarding the films themes haha) but was very tastefully done as was any other of the adults sexual experience throughout the movie.
Having worked with her and a few other cast members (on her upcoming film westermarck effect) seeing this film has only made the already unbearable excitement to see her new one,even stronger.
The fact that she is so down to earth & kind to all those she works with, she's so open to people - it only makes me admire her even more- & makes her ability to play a psychopath more amazing. I love that her character is always is a little disheveled - that at first glance she seems like she has it together but you look closer & she's kind of a mess. She's not a stereotypical lead in the way that she embraces her unique style - but is always looking a little off centre. Her flaws in her hair / makeup / clothes make her believable & eerily relatable (which also relating to her on many levels made me slightly uneasy - but I'm used to finding similarities to characters that push the envelope)
Her film makes you wonder - can forcing perfection on those we love really cause more pain in the long run? Can relying on people to the point where we lose ourselves in them - be dangerous if not kept in check ? Can we lose our sense of right and wrong if we get lost in someone else's state of mind and forget to form our own conclusions. Is religion to blame here ? Or was the breakdown caused only by forcing her to be someone she couldn't maintain?
The chainsaw art was something I had seen photos of- but on the big screen my jaw dropped at its beauty.
I have so much affection for saara who even had dinner with my mum & I afterwards - (how bout that seasoned vegetable - that one piece of broccoli with our chicken :p ) she was so tired & yet she gave us all her attention. She also gave me an innuendo cup as a thank you for giving her a gift to say congratulations. which I will treasure & therefore will be too scared to use it. So now I'll need to buy one when I go see it again on the third of November - so I will have one to use & one to keep on my special dresser.
She is even encouraging networking at her premiere - allowing her fans to share business cards and flyers to support each other. She cares about everyone & wants to help everyone succeed. She brings people up to her level & never looks down on anyone. Congratulations on your success! & congrats to all the great actors who helped it to feel like I was really in those moments with you - watching from nearby!