Because if it did,someone surely would have taken the effort to go out their way to stop this abomination at conception.
How do you begin to describe this movie? By what degree of value do you measure it's quality, when you're not convinced it has any? The writer/director -who by the way should be put to trial for committing this atrocity- consistently brings up Nolan, Tarantino and even Lucas to compare his struggles in the industry to theirs, so it'd be only fair to hold his creation to a similar standard. But that would be like comparing sleeping in a shopping cart under the bridge to a weekend at Windsor Castle.
The story revolves around a character called Orlando, who faces increasing difficulties trying to keep his wife happy and his daughter fed, while keeping away the authorities. Yeah, you heard that right. There's another timeline where an ex soldier attempts to break out of a facility of a sort, while we, the audience are treated with his voice over narration that can be best defined as incomprehensible drivel. The two,seemingly unrelated stories drag on for what feels like a lifetime, and they are frequently interrupted by subplots and side characters that have zero justifications for existing other that serve as fillers to an already tedious main plot. There is no visual storytelling whatsoever. Everything you learn about the characters and their motivations is through overused narration, or verbal interactions. The film spoon-feeds you everything from start to finish, yet it fails to present a coherent story. That's truly an achievement on it's own.
The acting is often so wooden, I was picking splinters out of my eyes. There is an inherent problem with theater actors trying to act in front of a camera, but that discrepancy is enhanced to the extremes here. And the dialogue, dear Lord. The lines uttered in this movie can only described as the worst moments of The Room and Plan 9 From Outer Space mixed together in a blender operated by a maniac, equipped with the mentality of a petulant child.
The CGI is only there to be annoying distraction. There's a drone flying around in almost every scene and humanoid robots walk across the screen with nothing to do. I could go on and on listing all the issues, really. Let me just say this. If the country is divided to two opposing sides, this monstrosity of a motion picture could serve as the perfect tool to reunite people. Imagine us as one collective entity, determined to launch all physical copies of this into outer space, followed by a nuclear missile for good measure. Too harsh? You have not seen 129.
I implore you to avoid this film. It will make you a broken person. It defies logic , reason, and common sense. However, if you're like me, and you like to seek out those hidden gems that will eventually garner a cult following, watching 129 might be a good shout. And somewhere down the line , years away from now you can tell people you were there, in the theater, when this was showing. And you will be marveled at like someone who survived a close range head shot.
