To be clear right out of the gate, I decided to see this movie with my brother solely because of how bad and laughable we both knew it would be. Boy was I ever right. Not only does this film plummet the Transformers franchise even lower than Age of Extinction, (which I truly never thought was possible), but Transformers: The Last Knight (TLK) showcases an absolute abomination of film making in general, creating what essentially is a $200 million pile of steaming hot trash, a horrible disgrace to the Transformers name and the film industry as a whole.
It's a tad bit difficult to explain what the TLK is really about, because, well, I don't really know. I know that the Decepticons are looking for another ancient relic on Earth to somehow bring Cybertron back to life, but that's about it. The overall narrative is so clustered with noise (metaphorical and literal), random occurrences, numerous undeveloped sub plots, gaping plot holes, relentlessly forced humor, and atrocious pacing that for most of the film, I was literally laughing out loud in the theater and once shouted, "what the Hell is going on!?".
TLK has the writing depth of an illiterate monkey, and the narrative focus of a child. Trying to understand TLK's story is like trying to listen to a baby complete their first sentence; it's confusing as can be, incoherent and probably pretty comical. I can't even speak positively about the Transformers themselves being cool because the Transformers are BARELY IN THE MOVIE. There is so little Transformer-on-Transformer action, I thought I had just watched a 2.5 hour trailer teasing the big action scenes to come, but all I got was more pointless, unexplained human-lead garbage who run the show in a Transformers movie. The script is a complete mess to put it kindly, a blubbering, babbling heap of uncoordinated crap, and I can't believe it's actually more disjointed than Age of Extinction. TLK goes below the bottom of the barrel, and it's script should be put on trial.
At this point in the dumpster fire that is the Transformers franchise, I feel bad for any poor actor that gets sucked into these films. Mark Wahlberg, a fan favorite of mine, has sunk to an all- time low with his performance as Cade Yeager. Sure the writing of the character, and every character mind you, was sincerely abysmal, but even still, there's no heart, no motive, no passion whatsoever to deliver even an OK performance. Wahlberg was unbearable. Even worse was Anthony Hopkins, whose character was written so poorly I thought it was actually a cruel joke on Hopkins. To see a legendary actor fall to the abyss is terrible, and TLK as brought him, along with any other victims of this plague of a film, to the lowest of the low. Stanley Tucci literally plays a different character than in the previous film and it's just oh so bad, not to mention Josh Duhamel got dragged back into this awfulness again, with his character being just completely and utterly useless. The performance, writing and development of every character was horrendously awful, period.
As Transformers films have gotten worse over the years, the only piece of the movies I have been able to write positively about are the big-budget action scenes, which at the least, provided some entertainment outside of the unintentional entertainment delivered by the terribleness of the films. However, I can't even write home about the action in The Last Knight. Sure the CGI still looks great, but good grief, the action is limited (when it comes to Transformers actually fighting), graceless and down right bizarre. I have to write about one moment in particular, however. Anthony Hopkins' character suddenly reveals at one point that his cane is actually a machine gun, and his cane-gun prevents Megatron from accomplishing his mission. I laughed out loud and choked on my drink, it was the selling point for me as one of the worst movies I've EVER seen.
I could rant about how bad this movie is for a long time, but at this point, I just don't care anymore. I spent more time thinking about how CinemaSins will lay into the film than paying attention the main story. My hope is that I can prevent any soul from watching this deplorable display of film. Even if you want to watch for how bad it is like me, save yourself and don't. Transformers: The Last Knight is one of the worst films I've seen in my life, it's unfathomably shameful.
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