In this cult film, Azure St. Clair, a neurotic vampiress who is deathly allergic to blood, must protect her only source of food, the VAMPIE (a vampire pie), from a dark vampiric order that wants to use the powers of this deadly pie to revive the dead and enslave the world.
- In this dark comedy cult flick, Azure St. Clair, a vampiress who's allergic to blood, and her friends, ex-born again Grace and cross-dressing Tippy, run a bakery called the Pie Hole. Its not a mere bakery, its a front for Azure to use her vampie (a vampire pie) to siphon the life force from drunks who stumble in for some post-partying pastries. Little do the drunks know, the vampie they're eating is sucking up a hell of a lot more than the booze they consumed earlier; its sucking up their life essence so Azure gets her nutrients.
Without her vampie, Azure St. Clair will die. If Azure dies, she shoots straight to Hell, since she is technically a descendant of Lillith, not Eve. Azure greatly fears Hell, because she knows that Hell is very real and awaits her soul, which was damned from the moment she was born.
A vicious aristocratic order, the Order of Lillitu, headed by cold-blooded vampires Mammon, Ludmilla, and Julian, steals the vampie to harness its darkest powers to enslave mankind. At the same time, the first American pope, Pope Theodore III, orders the vampie destroyed and Azure whacked. Pope Theodore dispatches Jesuit assassin Father Jack O'Neil to do the whacking. Father Jack, along with his atheist philosopher-quoting chihuahua Van Helsing, leave Rome to hunt Azure and destroy the vampie.
All three worlds collide in this battle for life, salvation, world domination, and ultimately, love. This story takes the audience through the oh-so-wrong trials and high jinks, as all characters scramble to get their hands on the vampie and wind up doing some pretty crazy stuff along the way.