Jeff Winger: My name is Jeff Winger. I recently became a four. Funny thing is, when I was a two, I didn't actually have any less. But I did have a lot of crazy friends! "Hey, my name's Tommy Talouca. I'm from hallway C. I'm a two! I got to get to the cafeteria before they run out of apples!" What is it with two and apples? You're given three kinds of fruit. Mix it up! And then you become a four, and you get that, uh, that four walk. You know what I'm talking about, it's like this...
[does a funny walk]
Jeff Winger: It's like one of these. And they get a trail of twos behind them, and they're, like, "Hey, is there an apple up there?" Oh *beep*... Wow, what else is going on?
Dean Pelton: He's killing it.
Jeff Winger: There came a time I has to aks myself, did I even want to be a three? Or did I just hate myself for being a two? I don't know. All I know is I sure love them apples!
Shirley Bennett: Hello, Jeffrey. I see you decided to join Meowmeowbeenz.
Jeff Winger: Oh, it's a great tool for living. You look great.
Shirley Bennett: You look great!
Jeff Winger: You know what you're doing.
Shirley Bennett: You know what you're doing. I'm watching you, okay? Mmm.
Annie Edison: Mmm.
[Shirley's gang walk away]
Jeff Winger: Yeah, you'll be watching my hinder, mama, choking on it's billowing plume of highly rated dust.
Dean Pelton: Now Jeffery I beg you not to take this risk. You know what they say. Fives have lives, Fours have chores, Threes have fleas, Twos have blues and Ones don't get a rhyme because they're garbage.
Jeff Winger: I'm gonna become a five and expose this thing for the sham it is.
Britta Perry: Oh, now you're speaking my language.
Jeff Winger: That's unintentional, trust me.
Dean Pelton: You know what they say. Fives have lives, fours have chores, threes have fleas, twos have blues, and ones don't get a rhyme because they're garbage.
Abed Nadir: MeowMeowBeenz takes everything subjective and unspoken about human interaction and reduces it to explicit, objective numbers. I've never felt more alive.
Jeff Winger: Haul it. Ball it. Never call it. Girls are objects.
Britta Perry: I shouldn't have to put mustard on my face for this to make sense.