Cowboys vs Dinosaurs

Don't you just hate it when underground mining results in the excavation of prehistoric reptiles? Well, that was essentially the essence of this movie.

When I sat down to watch the 2015 TV movie "Cowboys vs Dinosaurs", I actually thought it was movie with Western-era cowboys, and that actually sounded like a fun and campy cross-over for a movie. I didn't know it was modern age type of cowboys. Nevertheless, needless to say that I hadn't heard about the movie prior to stumbling upon it here in 2024. And I opted to watch it on account of it probably being a campy movie.

The storyline from writers Anthony Fankhauser and Rafael Jordan was every bit as stupid and laughable as you would expect from a movie with the title "Cowboys vs Dinosaurs". No surprise there.

The acting performances in the movie were wooden and cringeworthy to behold, but of course with a movie such as this, you know you are not in for an everning of Shakeperian theater. The only familiar faces on the screen, for me, were Eric Roberts and Vernon Wells, and they aren't exactly top of the line performers, now are they?

The CGI animated dinosaurs in the movie were wobbly, especially the awkward movement. And the scene with the dinosaurs jumping into the water, well that just had me toppled over laughing. It looked to atrocious. Actually, "Cowboys vs Dinosaurs" is worth watching for the bad CGI alone.

My rating of director Ari Novak's 2015 movie "Cowboys vs Dinosaurs" lands on a three out of ten stars.

Eric Roberts have been involved in so many of these B-movies this year alone and with title such as Cowboys vs Dinosaurs, you would know what to expect here. In that regard the movie delivers, it's a series of cheesy dialogues and terrible effects conveyed by entirely uncomfortable cast. This movie is for when you have exhausted every other movie option and at best might just find some comedy.

There are cowboys, and then they meet with dinosaurs. If that sounds rather uninformative, it's because narrative offers little explanation. In fact, most of the times the focus is geared towards attractive ladies that have little to no credible acting skill. To put it mildly, they are most likely recruited from adult entertainment industry.

One doesn't accidentally stumble on Cowboys vs Dinosaurs, you should know the inherent shady production, might just as well embrace it.

After an accidental explosion at a local mine, dinosaurs emerge from the rubble to terrorize a small western town. Now, a group of gunslingers must defend their home if anyone is going to survive in a battle of cowboys versus dinosaurs.

After watching "Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre", I needed to follow up my cheese with more cheese -- two movies about explosions unleashing prehistoric creatures who kill! And, you know what? This is the better of the two. Still terrible, but in a fun way.

Was the biggest problem the awful dinosaurs? Nope. It was trying to figure out why none of the men in this town were under 40 and none of the women were older than 25. The romantic pairings were rather creepy.

Kelcey Watson is the star of this film. His intensity and over-the-top performance is great, and I would love to see him transition from cheesy movies to bigger things. Sara Malakul Lane was also really good, and she seems to be on that edge between big things and B-movies. She's been in FHM, so her modeling is known... but then she has a spotty track record of movies that probably barely paid her. She's better than that.

The real surprise is Eric Roberts. Someone please tell me how he went from huge star to the king of D-grade movies... he really hit rock bottom with "The Dead Want Women". In this film, though, he gives a really good performance. A bit cheesy, but fitting or the movie. I suspect he was only on set one day, but he really nailed it.

There are two writers for the script of this movie. Each has produced volumes. If you combined their entire life's work, wadded it into a ball, and held it up, God would come down from Mount Jeebus to destroy it. They apparently took the script from Cowboys & Aliens (itself pretty uninspired), changed a few words, and presto. Take away the 160 million dollar budget and good actors and there you have it; Cowboys vs Dinosaurs.

There is nothing here. It's like everyone involved said "mail me my check, I'm phoning this one in." Even for SyFy, this really sucked. No amount of effort appears to have been applied at all. If they weren't making money doing this, I'm sure it would stop, but it never does. Don't ask me how they do it.

In the realm of SyFy movies, this one falls between Mega-(insert name here) and Shark-(include anything you want here). It's a total waste of time. And this from a guy who gave Robocroc a 6. The acting, the CGI, the production values, all have been thrown out the window. I don't know what happened here, but obviously something did.

If you are stuck for something to watch, and only this is on, clean the garage instead. You know it needs it anyway, and your time will have been better spent.

Or if you will, strictly for the kids (well those who don't mind a dinosaur or two!) the villains are the sheriff and his boss, a vile businessman who will do anything for himself and nothing for others. The level of acting quality is quite poor save for a reliable Eric Roberts (spends most of his time in jail) and a dark skinned actor who plays the part of Quaid (I think!) If you want a good movie for a wet rainy day this isn't it. At times its hard to think as to whether I have ever seen one as badly put together as this. Oh for the days of Cowboys and Indians (although sadly, the Indians were never the heroes of these films but the villains!).