Sherlock Holmes: Fatty, this is Watson. Watson, this is Fatty.
Mycroft Holmes: Fatty?
[pats his stomach]
Mycroft Holmes: I'd say I've slimmed down quite a bit, wouldn't you?
Sherlock Holmes: Lap band?
Mycroft Holmes: Exercise.
Sherlock Holmes: Exercise requires energy and ambition, and you've never had either.
Sherlock Holmes: [Watson is surprised Sherlock never mentioned Mycroft to her before] Our relationship is purely genetic.
Dr. Joan Watson: You didn't tell me one of your brother's restaurants had two Michelin stars.
Sherlock Holmes: Before yesterday, I didn't tell you my brother was a corporeal entity.
Dr. Joan Watson: Hey, I was just about to call you. You okay?
Sherlock Holmes: I believe I've just made a rapprochement with my brother.
Dr. Joan Watson: Oh, that's great.
Sherlock Holmes: He used a homemade explosive device to destroy what was left of my things.
Dr. Joan Watson: Ah. Sounds like maybe he's a little more like you than you thought.
Sherlock Holmes: Art in the blood, Watson. It takes the strangest forms.
Sherlock Holmes: This is the weapon that I believe Pendry used to kill his wife: a plastic gun.
Gareth Lestrade: [sarcastic] You're absolutely right. I did see one of those, actually. It was in the cutlery drawer. I thought it was a toy, so I left it alone.
[Holmes rolls his eyes]
Gareth Lestrade: You think I'm daft? What, you think I wouldn't recognize a plastic gun?
Captain Thomas Gregson: The Department's got six guys grinding away on this case, and you broke it open by following a bird?
Sherlock Holmes: Mmm. Pity it escaped, shame to waste all that training.
Detective Marcus Bell: What are you gonna do with a carrier pigeon...? You know what, I don't want to know.