In the rural town of Wickenhaven, a psychotic tanning salon owner is responsible for the disappearances of many young, innocent girls, while his wife, an exotic purse designer, is willing to overlook his evil nature.
Julia Faye West,
Dawna Lee Heising,
Anthony Del Negro
After a girl goes missing, two of her friends and a mysterious set of strangers find themselves drawn to the cabin in the woods where she disappeared. They will laugh, they will drink, they will kiss, they will make love, and THEY MUST ALL DIE.
Claudio is a businessman at the top of his game. On his way to an important meeting, his elevator gets stuck. What starts out as a mere technical difficulty turns out to be a catastrophe of... See full summary »
Two high school students, head to the room of their senior year history teacher, Mr. Anderson to deal with a little problem. See, during class he confiscated a hat and they want it back, and on top of that, they're upset that he hasn't accepted their friend request! When he relents and accepts the request, those above him feel he's broken professional protocol and he's fired on the spot. He doesn't take too kindly to this news, and reacts by killing both the principal who fired him and an innocent secretary, guilty of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Meanwhile, Jess is gathering her friends together for a sleepover. She talks to her mom about it and sets about making plans, but there is one minor caveat: the last time she had a sleepover, one of her friends overdosed and died. Obviously they'd like to avoid anyone dying this time around, but with Anderson now on a killing spree, that might be tough to avoid. You'd think mom would be paying attention to how many teenage ...Written by
For about the first thirty minutes of "After School Massacre", I kept thinking that it was like watching a porno without the sex. The line readings are stilted and awkward, the sound is poorly recorded and echoey, and the direction is almost non-existant. Every now and then the filmmakers seem to realise they are supposed to cut occasionally; this happens so seldom in the movie's opening act that it's surprising when it does. The echo on the soundtrack provides a hint that scenes at the beginning of the movie supposedly set in a teachers' lounge were obviously filmed on a breezy set.
Anyway, they move to a house where the inevitable killings start to happen, but that doesn't really matter. The movie exists to show girls in their underwear. It must have had a laughably low budget, so at least they were able to get some attractive actresses for that money who were willing to disrobe... part of the way. If you're looking for nudity, you'll be disappointed. I remember only a couple of nipples on screen, one at a time.
The plot is something to do with a teacher's aide who apparently has received a friend request from one of his students - but has not accepted it. Somehow having heard about this, the dean of students fires the teacher's aide. Not only did he not even accept the friend request, but the dean couldn't have possibly known it was sent in the first place, unless he also works as an admin for Facebook. But since when is merely receiving a friend request from a student grounds for termination? The students should just send friend requests to all the teachers they don't like, and watch them disappear.
The teacher's aide goes crazy and starts killing, but you knew that already. In this case you can almost see where he's coming from.
The action moves to a house where a group of girls are having a slumber party. They all seem too old for such things, but never mind. From this point on (and we're only at about the five minute mark) the girls onscreen will mostly only be wearing their underwear.
Struggling to think of things to say that sets this one apart from the (perhaps literally endless) number of other low budget slashers, one thing did occur to me: the kill scenes in this movie are perhaps the worst I've ever seen. They are just so lame, I can only assume that the budget went to acquiring hot girls and didn't leave any money for gore effects.
There is a character that all the girls hate because he is an obnoxious jerk... and yet he still ends up getting some alone time with at least a couple of them. This character is the only one in the movie who made the slightest impression on me, because he is so irritating. Characters who are disliked by a coterie of hot girls are usually an easy way for a film to generate some sympathy. Hell, even "Meatballs 4" managed a sympathetic goof. "After School Massacre"'s version of this character, however, is someone we share the girls' distaste for, and that's not a good thing.
None of the said girls register with personalities of their own. You can only tell them apart because they wear different panties.
One scene actually seemed to revel in this lameness and have fun with it, which featured a curling iron, something I don't think I've ever seen used as a weapon in a movie before.
The ending to the movie also comes out of nowhere and doesn't really conclude anything. I just suddenly found myself watching the bizarre credits sequence, which includes a weird sort of quasi-rap song with all the actresses dancing around, still clad in their underwear, but no longer murdered. They rap/sing something to do with "fruit on the belly", and... er... I'm just at a loss to try to explain that.
One other thing sticks out about this movie, not that I'll remember it much longer... and that's the killer's mask, which is easily the lamest I've seen in a movie. It's a ski mask which for some reason doesn't even cover his whole face: it leaves his chin exposed. I found myself wondering if they did that to make his voice more audible when he's wearing the mask.
Or maybe the filmmaker's mother had to knit the mask for the movie because they didn't have enough money in the budget to buy one from a thrift store, and she didn't finish making the mask in time before the movie was due to start shooting?
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