Mr. Carson: Congratulations, My Lord, you are now the tea kingpin of Yorkshire.
Earl of Grantham: Yes, but it's a mixed blessing. As Byron once said, "mo' money, mo' quandaries."
Mr. Carson: It's a shame that, in order to save Downton Abbey, Lord Grantham has sunk to brewing the Black Chamomile crank.
Thomas Barrow: Oh, stop acting so high and mighty, Mr. Carson. The tea tweakers can't get enough of His Lordship's Earl Blue. Apparently, they think it's "the shizzle-nizzle."
Mr. Spider: Yo, pendejo, you got something of mine.
Earl of Grantham: Carson, is someone addressing me?
[Carson presents a calling card tray to Spider]
Mr. Spider: Oh, sorry.
[places a calling card in the tray, which Carson reads]
Mr. Carson: My Lord, a Mr. Spider to see you.
Earl of Grantham: Ah yes. What can I do for you, my good man?
Mr. Spider: Listen, English Muffin, where's my motherfucking tea?
Earl of Grantham: Thomas.
[Thomas presents a brick of tea to Spider, who cuts it open, takes a sample on his pinkie finger, stirs it into a tea cup his sicario hands him, and drinks it]
Mr. Spider: Ahhh! I'll take that shit with some milk!
Earl of Grantham: Naturally... once we have been reimbursed for our efforts.
Mr. Spider: And why should I pay you, Mary Poppins, when I already got the recipe.
Mr. Carson: Who gave you the recipe?
Thomas Barrow: Uh, he, he must have gotten it from Mr. Bates. I told you he was unreliable.
Earl of Grantham: But I never gave Bates the recipe.
[he and Carson reach into their jackets for guns]
Thomas Barrow: No, wait!