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Sammo Kam-Bo Hung
Sammo Kam-Bo Hung,
Released in China as a 122-minute theatrical cut, whilst released in Hong Kong as a ~113-minute theatrical cut. The HK cut loses a backstory of a little peasant girl that hangs around Xiao Jinhan's swamp hideout. See more »
Switch; a flashy big budget modern day Chinese action flick starring Andy Lau that has a rating of 2 out of 10 stars on IMDb?...That rating can't be accurate, can it?...YES!...YES IT CAN!
It's really hard to believe how astonishingly bad this movie actually is unless you watch it yourself (which I'm not suggesting you do). But, check it out if you want a master lesson on bad filmmaking. Everyone involved with this production should be ashamed of themselves, and the director of this turd should be forever barred from filmmaking in the future.
Basic Story: various nefarious Chinese, British, and Japanese groups are all trying to get their hands on two halves of some ancient priceless Chinese scroll. Andy Lau plays a Chinese super-agent who's in charge of protecting the scroll, as is his "estranged" wife. They go about their business to try and save the day while perhaps falling back in love with each other along the way.
There are so many things wrong with this film that I don't even know where to start, so in the spirit of how this movie was made, I'll just rattle off some random incoherent thoughts as they come to me, and call it a day:
1. Nothing makes any sense; don't bother trying to determine who wants to obtain/protect the scroll and for what reasons. It's pointless and disjointed storytelling that involves lots of fake plots, fake scrolls, fake deaths, etc.
2. The writing, script, and dialogue are all beyond TERRIBLE! Nothing was lost in translation either.
3. The direction and editing are both epically bad. Watch Andy repel from the roof, then race across the desert, now pause for a moment to spend some time reflecting on himself in some Buddhist like swamp where he befriends a little girl for some reason. OK, enough of that; let's have another gun fight, car chase, etc.
4. The love triangle. Perhaps I wasn't paying close enough attention in the beginning, but the two leads are apparently still married to, and still love, each other...could've fooled me though because Andy makes for one of the worst husbands and fathers in the history of cinema; he spends his time brazenly flirting and fooling around with any piece of hot tail he comes across (particularly the main evil "henchwoman" who's in love with him) while he completely ignores his wife and child. I guess the point is Andy is eventually supposed to reconcile his love for his family vs. his love for the main hot bad girl, but, there is little reason to care about what he does in regards. I have never in my life seen a more poorly written and incoherently executed love triangle in any movie from any country in any genre!
5. Clichés, clichés, clichés; there's plenty of fat dumb obnoxious white guys, hot female Chinese assassins on roller skates/dangling from ceilings/on jet skis in wedding dresses, etc. Let's not forget the Yakuza, the evil deformed mastermind, secret motives by everyone involved, the ludicrous backstories, etc... This movie features every conceivable overused cliché you could possibly expect from an "Asian" film and then some!
6. I could go on, but why bother?....no one involved with this production seemed to give a sh*t about their work, so why should I?
On the plus side: Hmmmm. Well, this movie is often actually pretty to just "look at" if you aren't paying attention to the story or dialogue or acting; it does make for some great visuals & screenshots here and there. It's also good for numerous unintentional laughs, some pretty girls, and, it might reach legendary cult status one day for how bad it actually is. Other than that, this is easily the worst cinematic venture I've seen this year (2013), and there's not even a close second I can compare it to.
Bottom Line: I DARE YOU TO WATCH THIS POS!
1 star out of 10, and, that ain't no joke! It's quite possibly the worst movie ever made (particularly so when you factor in budget, actors/actresses involved, the modern global era we live in, etc)!
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