Lap Dance

If you're going to make a movie about Lap Dancing, AT LEAST have the common courtesy to hire an actress who seems willing to take her kit off and can, ya know, 'dance'. The female lead here seems to want to maintain her 'purity' when it comes to shedding her togs... Which is great. More power to her. The problem is, in a film about topless ladies writhing around on sweaty men with seductive music playing in the background, it stands out a mile when the main star a) Keeps her lingerie on at all times and b) can't move sexy to save her life. Let's face it... With that front cover, and that title, you expect there to be more flesh on display than the pitiful amount here.

No, the director seems to think we'd be more interested in soapy histrionics, so there are sub plots about our budding exhibitionist's love life going down the crapper due to her new career, and her dad stuck in a hospital bed dying of terminal cancer. Boring, boring, boring. Words cannot express how bland and clichéd this stale material is... Yet the way the director dives into it, you'd think it was Oscar calibre stuff. Talk about deluded. If you're looking for I'll-just put-my-hand-in-my-pocket-for-a-couple-of-hours kind of flick, try your local specialist shop... Or just search online...

If you're after something that deftly combines the heartbreak of a failing relationship, and the loss of a parent into a wonderful tapestry of human emotion for the ages... Man, did you take a wrong turning!! 3/10