Trama

Jess babysits Russell's pre-teen daughter for the weekend and meets his ex-wife. Then, Schmidt and Cece panic when they think she's pregnant. Also, Nick's new girlfriend may be too young and Winston discovers his new boss is a big baby.

Jess holds Cece's hand and checks that they're using birth control. They do, but it doesn't always hold because Schmidt's so athletic. Jess advises Cece to wait the six days until a test is valid and not tell Schmidt.

Winston is all dressed up for work. His boss is going to be on Michael Strahan's new talk show and he has too many DUIs to drive himself.

Jess warns them that Russell's daughter Sara is on her way over. She lays down some ground rules about swearing and "no bringing home college girls, Berlusconi."

Nick defends himself but has no moral authority because he's not wearing pants.

Russell's ex-wife Ooly (Jeanne Tripplehorn) drops Sara off and keeps referring to Russell as her husband. Jess clarifies and she says Russell "will always be my husband, you know what I mean." Jess doesn't.

Cece rests in Jess's room and Schmidt worries she's getting tired of him and might want something more than sex.

Jess introduces Sara to everyone. She seems taken with Nick, although she tells him his eyes look like poop. Which causes Jess to call him "Ol' poo eyes".

Winston picks up his boss outside a rundown house, where he's hiding behind the Dumpster. Joe runs out and jumps in Winston's car as men run out chasing after him.

Jess totally loses Sara and finds her going through her laundry. She wonders why Jess has so many bras. Jess tells her she can ask anything she wants. Sara takes her up on it. "Are you in love with my dad? Do you and my dad ever 'dry lump'? Is sexting cool? Have you ever done a 99? Have you ever given a person 'plow chops'? How do you make love to a person 'animal style'?"

"Do you want to learn how to play bridge?" Jess offers.

Schmidt suggests he take Cece out on a real date to Italy on Ice. She says she can't go right now and suggests he take someone else.

Jess talks to Sara, telling her to find a "partner" to share these things with. Sara suggests Nick. She gets all teenage girl twitterpated and says she wants to rub her face on his face.

Schmidt and Cece bring their drama into the room with Schmidt threatening to call another woman and ask her out and Cece insisting she doesn't care.

Nick goes to an art gallery with Chloe and tries to talk art. His phone rings. It's Schmidt. He talks to Nick like he's a chick and Nick takes him at face value. He tells him what he's wearing. "You taking care of that tushy for me?" Schmidt asks. "I'm trying to eat less donuts?" Nick says.

Cece glares at Schmidt and storms off.

Jess suggests they're an example of people who should not be making love. Sara suggests she loves Nick so much she's going to die. She locks herself in Nick's room.

Winston tries to get Joe to the studio, but he insists on hopping out at a yard sale.

Jess tries to talk Sara down but Cece comes over freaking out about Schmidt asking her out. She pounds on the door, calling Sara a brat and telling her she needs Jess's full attention. Cece freaks out that she's going to be a terrible mother.

Cece tries to calm down but ends up telling Sara she's too young to have sex but when she does to always use protection because even if he says it's tantric and you're Indian and know better, you're just going to end up pregnant.

Schmidt hears her and immediately comes over and puts his head on her belly. "We made a caramel miracle," he says.

Schmidt tells Nick the news and he freaks out about the fact that Schmidt's not freaking out. Schmidt wonders if it's fate and he's never going to find a girl better than Cece.

Back at the loft, Sara thinks Jess's life is cool, like "Gossip Girl" but everyone is old and poor. Sara asks Jess if she thinks Nick is hot and she says sure, "in a rumpled small town PI kinda way." Sara gets back to the topic of Nick, wondering if they'll ever do it animal style.

Schmidt presents Cece with a mocktail and finds she's crying. He tells her she's amazing and will do amazing things and he'll support whatever she does. Then he tells her he needs to do some research so he doesn't impregnate the baby. "We could have a Russian nesting doll situation on our hands," he says.

They eat a very quiet dinner, with Nick's friend Chloe. "Are you and Nick making love?" Sara blurts out.

Chloe offers to clear the table and Nick gives Jess an "in your face" over the fact Chloe has basic table manners.

Sara tells Jess she hates Chloe, but Jess says she doesn't know her well enough to hate her. Sara says she does know her -- from the school bus. Chloe recognizes her as an annoying kindergartener. Chloe is 18. Jess realizes she subbed for her eighth grade English class.

Winston gets Joe to the Strahan studio but Joe gets out of the car and runs from the studio. Joe confesses Michael Strahan makes him feel like an idiot. Winston tells Joe that he's not better than him at yard sales. "If you were a woman, or even dressed as a woman, we'd be unstoppable," Joe tells him.

Nick reels from the fact Chloe is 18. Jess freaks out. Sara is in her room upset over Nick and Ooly is there to pick her up. "I might as well call you 'Bridge to Tarabithia' because you make children cry," she tells him. Jess orders Schmidt and Winston to help her with the situation.

Schmidt goes and intercepts Ooly, pretending to know her.

Jess and Nick try to get Sara out of his room. Nick says he can be a bit of an anchor, then he tells her he hasn't felt the way she's feeling about him in a long time and that's the best part.

At the curb, Schmidt makes up places he saw Ooly, including the Olympics, someone's funeral and at her salon.

Upstairs, Sara says she's too embarrassed but Jess assures her they're the most embarrassing people on the planet. Jess volunteers that she talks louder to blind people. Nick offers that he's 30 and has peed in every pool he's been in. "I still think it's funny when a guy puts tennis balls under his shirt and pretends it's boobs," Nick says.

Sara says she's stuck. She opens the door and they find her wearing all of Jess's bras. Jess gets to work on the front and Nick works on the back. And that's when Ooly comes in. She's taking in the scene when Cece runs in praising god about getting her period.

"Welcome to our home, would you like a drink?" Jess asks.

Sara says bye to Nick, telling him she's over him. She hands Jess her bras back. "Bye, Ooly, you rulie," Jess says. "Bye Jess, you're a mess," Ooly says.

Downstairs, Cece tells Schmidt that now things can go back to how things were. He goes along with it then sees something and rushes her into her car.

She drives off and he looks at the sky writing: "Marry me."