Alien: Covenant (2017) Poster

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Where no idiot has gone before.....apart from in Prometheus of course!
ViktorDrake15 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
So once again, after the debacle of Prometheus, Ridley Scott has proved himself simultaneously a master of visuals and yet utterly incompetent when it comes to creating a believable Alien story.

The single biggest problem I had with Prometheus was the collection of imbeciles and weirdos that made up the crew, and one might have hoped that Mr Scott would have realised that himself and made amends this time round. Errr.... no, sadly not. Once again we're treated to a crew of simpletons who make THE MOST pathetic and unbelievable decisions possible. Are we really supposed to believe that a crew would just ditch it's primary mission (that we're told had been over 10 years in the planning to ensure their destination was safe, etc) just because they happened to stumble on a new planet purely by chance? Just plain ludicrous. And that's just the start. A few more examples :

  • Assuming we suspend our disbelief and accept the whole "let's risk all the colonists and everything we have planned for decades for to land on this new unknown planet instead" premise, why do these alleged scientists once again TOTALLY disregard the need for any protective clothing? So no breathing equipment, nothing at all to protect them from any alien pathogens. Good thinking!

  • Faced with a choice of sending either an android, or pretty much the entire human crew with no protective gear, to investigate an alien world, who should go? Yeah that's right, send all the unprotected humans!

  • Choice of landing right near the source of the unknown signal, or land several miles away and in a foot of water despite there being solid and flat ground a few feet away? Yep, it's wet feet and a huge hike all round folks!

  • Little alien pods on this alien world puffing their alien spores into the air? Sure, just get your nose in there and have a good sniff. I'm sure it'll be fine!

  • Crewmen get infected by said spores? Don't worry about any quarantine procedures, just carry them back to the ship while getting covered in their vomited-up blood.

  • Alien organism just burst out of said infected crewman? Just open up the locked door and try to shoot it, but be careful you don't miss at point blank range and then slip up on the blood.... twice. (When that happened, people actually laughed in the cinema. I was half expecting a comedy sound effect the second time!)

  • Tens of thousands of dead bodies, and an enormous dead city solely inhabited by David the android from the Prometheus mission, that the planetary scan managed to NOT pick up from orbit when determining the planet to be "safe"? No need to ask David what happened, just accept that it's all fine.

  • Dark basements to go into all on your own? Do it! Nothing bad will happen.

  • Huge alien eggs opening in front of you? Just have a good look inside. What could possibly go wrong?!

The list of stupid decisions just goes on and on AND ON!

While visually the film is generally excellent, the all-CGI-Alien was a huge let-down. Personally I found it considerably less convincing than the practical effects used in Alien and Aliens, which is unforgivable considering the creature is what these films are all about!

Additionally the crew, apart from being imbeciles (as is usual under Mr Scott's direction these days), are also completely forgettable. I saw this movie last night and I can't remember a single character's name today. The one exception is David/Walter, and once again Fassbender does a great job. (Perhaps that's why there's two of them - to make up for a lack of any other decent characters).

The other problem narrative-wise is that both Prometheus and Covenant have actually served to make the Alien universe much SMALLER in my opinion. In the original Alien and Aliens, the creature was just an unknown organism from the far reaches of the universe, and all the more scary because of it. (The same went for the Space Jockey for that matter). But these new movies have tried to tie it all back to humanity in some way - i.e. the Engineers (who are also the Space Jockeys) created both humanity and the black oil virus, and then the Xenomorph was apparently created by David (who was in turn created by man) somehow doing some genetic tinkering with the black oil and human DNA, while living in a cave and playing with his flute. Far from expanding the Alien universe, both these prequels have actually shrunk it by making man the centre of everything, while at the same time managing to sanitise and neuter one of the greatest movie creatures of all time. So what Ridley Scott is saying is that the entire Alien series and the iconic Xenomorph itself was just created by a deranged android with God/daddy issues. How very pathetic and disappointing. I personally hate it when movies try to explain everything to the millionth degree because it invariably ends up as a massive anticlimax. What was wrong with the Xenomorph just being some hideous unknown life-form from the far reaches of space???

I could go on and on, but there's a word limit here.

Lastly, the end is just pretty feeble and anticlimactic. The CG- Alien just kind of gets killed and that's it. And the *ahem* "twist" with David/Walter could be seen from a mile away, although David wouldn't have had anywhere near enough time to cut his own arm off and change his clothes and hairstyle.

Please PLEASE Mr Scott, stand aside and let Neill Blomkamp have his shot at an Aliens sequel.

A generous 2 Stars. One for the visuals that are once again gorgeous, and one for a great effort from Fassbender.
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Alien: Paradise Lost
gogoschka-121 January 2018
Warning: Spoilers
It seems that in 'Alien: Covenant', Ridley Scott and his writers tried to use the best loved elements from previous Alien installments to appease those fans of the franchise who hated 'Prometheus' - but perhaps also to camouflage their intention to make a far meaner and less conventional blockbuster than what modern audiences (and studios) are willing to accept in this age of superheroes. It was my impression that what on the surface appears to be a very straight forward - and some might even say derivative - retread of familiar story beats is actually just a ploy to delve even deeper into the themes explored in 'Prometheus'. Because 'Alien: Covenant' not only continues to "dissect" the creator/creation/creature dynamic: it brings the android David's storyline to its perverse, if somewhat logical, conclusion.

Now if you hated 'Prometheus', or just dismissed it as a dumb movie where most characters are stupid and nothing is explained or makes sense, you won't find much to like in the less conventional story elements in 'Alien: Covenant', and you might as well stop reading this review now (btw, if you still have questions about 'Prometheus', you'll find a link to an article explaining everything by clicking on my username). But if you DID like it - or at least found its maliciously ironic religious subtext and musings on creation fascinating - you'll probably find some aspects of 'Alien: Covenant' highly enjoyable. As you might recall, the cycle of creation depicted in 'Prometheus' goes as follows: the Gods (aka "the Engineers") create mankind - mankind creates David - David in turn starts to experiment on his creators (the humans) in order to create something new.

The totally insane - and hilariously mean spirited - continuation/escalation of that cycle in 'Alien: Covenant' (beware: spoilers abound for the whole movie follow): David's ambition to make the jump from creation to creator has grown exponentially; it now entails nothing less than to exterminate the Gods, as well as experimenting on them - which makes him kind of hard to top in the mad scientist (or mad killer robot) department. By killing the Gods, he, the unworthy machine and "2nd class" creation conquers "Paradise/Heaven" and becomes the sole creator (humans are degraded to the status of lab-rats), thereby closing the cycle started in 'Prometheus'.

Admittedly, the film is uneven in terms of story and pacing - but I admire its ambition. 'Alien: Covenant' is a fascinating hybrid which somehow halfway through its running time turns from relatively straight sci-fi and very familiar Alien terrain into a brooding, Gothic horror film (at least for a while before it turns back into a more conventional sci-fi/action film). In the Gothic part of the film, the man-made monster/creature (David) has turned the table and assumed the role of Dr. Frankenstein to make creatures of his own design. These creatures - who appear to be the first actual Xenomorphs - reflect and reveal who/what David really is and how deceiving his human looks are. For although he inherited some very human traits from his creator (emotions, curiosity, ego, the urge to create - among others) he is still a machine adhering to a logic that is ultimately as alien (pun intended) to a human being as the Xenomorph itself - and as lethal. Which is why it makes complete sense that David is the "designer" of this perfect, machine-like organism (Swiss artist H.R. Giger, who created the original Alien, called it "biomechanoid" for a reason).

In 'Alien: Covenant', David is the humans' - and humanity's - ultimate adversary; in fact, for the purpose of the story told in the film, he is the Devil (he even quotes Satan's famous lines from John Milton's epic poem 'Paradise Lost'). Now if the Devil in this tale were to create life in HIS own image (his REAL image - for David was only given human features to make interaction with him more "comfortable" for the humans), surely, he would create demons: and isn't the Xenomorph the ultimate demon sprung straight from the darkest pits of Hell? That 'Alien: Covenant' is essentially a riff on Milton's 'Paradise Lost' was the most surprising aspect of the film for me. David's story-line follows Satan's (quite literal) ascent to Heaven (Paradise), where he kills the Gods and starts his own rule, thus turning it into Hell and ending the age of man (and for those of you who think I'm reaching a little here: the film's title was originally supposed to be 'Alien: Paradise Lost'). Now regardless whether you liked the film or not, you have to admit: that's not exactly the texture of a generic, conventional blockbuster, right?

At the end of the film, David is aboard the spaceship Covenant - which he has turned into a perverted version of Noah's Arch - and travels to a new world where he plans to start his new version of Genesis. He might even start a new religion: the Bible as written by a mad killer robot with a god complex (just think about how crazy demented - and completely wonderful - that sounds). Imagine the Lovecraftian nightmare he will create and what creatures will populate "his" version of Earth. I would love a sequel to 'Alien: Covenant' to take us there and finally fully descend into madness. It would be the logical next step: after the human protagonists visited an angry god in 'Prometheus' who wanted to destroy humanity, and then discover that Heaven is empty and the Gods are all dead in 'Alien: Covenant', they should next visit the Devil in his newly created Hell. My suggestion for a title: 'Alien: Genesis'.

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In a cinema no one can hear you cringe
banks-5164827 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
After watching Prometheus I was looking forward to Alien Covenant, big mistake. When you can guess the ending of a film early on, are aware of the SLOW passage of time when watching it and don't give a flying f*#k about the characters and you suddenly realise you are actually BORED you know you have a dud.

Yeah, big budget, impressive scenery but no new ideas here folks. It's like the writers didn't care anymore. "Hey, we'll make money out of this no matter what let's just chuck a bunch of derivative s@#t in the script, no one will notice". One word...PREDICTABLE.
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Worst Alien movie and an insult so its fans. -Spoilers-
petterssjoberg7 June 2017
This movie is not worth the money. Its the worst Alien movie i have seen and i have seen all Alien (xenomorphs) movies.

You don't care about the characters and they are so god damn stupid all the time! My god its an insult to watch and they flushed all the lore down the drain.

This movie is about droids and not aliens or the engineers. It does not explain anything at all and it totally kills Prometheus handling.

Im happy Sigourney Weaver did not sign up for this crap.
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Not just disappointed, I am angry.
freddyj888200221 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I started going to the movies when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I am now 71 years old. My oldest daughter and I have tried to get to the newest movie, every weekend, for the past 35 years. When watching movies, I never complain about the actor/actress in the movie. My concern is the writer/director of the movie. Acting,now, is like working at McDonald's was when I was growing up. There is so much money involved in movie making that with a few classes, young people can make a living in the movie industry. I have a nephew, living in L.A., that started right out of high school working with a crew that puts "set's" together for movies and TV. He even got credit at the end of some of the movies he worked on. Amazing that a person can get credit for putting furniture on and off a set.

I put in my summary that I was not just disappointed in this movie, but angry. I am not angry at the movie, the actor's, the CGI, or the Director. I think that I am angry at the movie industry for allowing this kind of crap to be put in the theater. I am angry, because I actually paid money to see this piece of crap. I am angry because Riddley Scott promised so much more. I thought that "Prometheus" was actually pretty good,despite it flaws. It was a movie about possibilities and that is what science fiction is for. The possibilities ended when the mentally Ill android, destroyed the Engineers. I am now done with this series of movies, there is no more story to tell. A mentally ill human (Weyland), created a mentally ill android (David), who created Xenomorphs that kill humans. That's it folks, the story is over,no need for two more pieces of crap like this.

Thanks to Alien Covenant, I am done going to the movie theater. I will not pay another dime to go to the theater. We movie lovers are being abused by the movie industry. I have told you a better story in less than a thousand words then this piece of crap told anyone on planet earth. Ridley had 97 Million dollars to tell us a better story and he didn't. If you have not paid to see it, don't pay to see it. Wait until it comes to your steaming device and see it for free. That way you can't be disappointed or angry. Please forgive the rambling.
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It started out well, but I got bored when a large part of the characters started doing stupid things.
nilen-5157323 January 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I am not a big Alien fan, but I had a go watching this. I think it started out well, but I lost intrest and started looking at my phone during the movie( this is something I rarily do. I am easy absorbed into a movie). The turning point for me was when they had landed on the planet and two in theri crew started geting sick. I feel that almost every character in this movie are making stupid decisions and geting themself killed. This include: -Lets walk around on this new planet which we dont know anything about very uncarefully and smell at strange plants. -Lets trust this strange robot we found on this planet. Especially when we know he is hidding something and follow him into his basement and look at his large eggs. Also not get suspicus when he cuts his hair so he looks exactly as our own robot. -Splitt up at the temple when we know that a monster can be out to kill us. -When we get back to the ship, not quarantine every person that was on that planet and scan them, even though we know that some persons got a alien bursting out of their stomach.
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Insulting Piece of Idiocy
statuskuo22 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
How in God's name did Scott make a worse movie than "Alien 3"? And then Rotten Tomatoes reviewers gives it a Fresh rating to boot. Any skepticism I've had for that rating site being an accurate barometer has imploded.

This movie is a masterful mess. The worse thing Scott has ever done. I won't step too much into the plot, as others have already given the best parts of comical nonsense away. Only to say this, the movie begins with a captain of the ship, a free rock climber...who takes a selfie video with one hand on the rock...nearly falling. This is the man they initially send to guide a ship with "terraformers" to set up a society. Then the second in charge...he answers a random beacon and decides it is a better course of action to follow up on that rather than stay the course. Dumb beyond belief.

I am through with Scott. I've been a fan for decades, but the slide is real. Like painfully real. He is treading not only over similar material, he is gutting it and leaving the fans to rot in the sun. This is the worse of the series and everyone involved should be ashamed. A true crime of a movie.
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You canceled Blomkamp's Alien 5 for THIS?!!!
rossmccarthy199021 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
After the amazing Alien and Aliens, (and I believe the hard done by Alien 3), we had a string of utter tripe from this franchise, and this is no better.

Character development is almost non existent, with the vast majority of people there simply to die.

Danny Mcbride might as well have had a leash on him, for all the acting he was allowed to do, and James Franco showed more charisma than anyone else in the movie...and he died before even having a speaking role.

The film has gone down this ancient feel/setting, which didn't work in AVP, or Prometheus, and just flat out bores to death in this film.

And the "twist" at the end was so obvious that there was an audible "DUH" and "NO SH*T" from onlookers in the cinema during the reveal.

Ridley Scott's last two films have led me to believe a couple of things.

1. He can't do jack without a GREAT script 2. His movies look good, but are boring as hell 3. Alien was a fluke! It was a mess of ideas that all came together and somehow worked, but that was by accident and not design...or at least not by Scott's design.

Unless Cameron, or possibly Blomkamp (hell even give David Fincher another go) get involved, or perhaps someone equally as talented, we're just going to see Ridley Scott spew his old man, self indulgent philosophical man juice all over our faces for the foreseeable future

It was an OK by film standards...but by an Alien film standards it was pure muck.

And a final note. A TWIN ANDROID FIST FIGHT AKIN TO X-MEN belongs nowhere near an Alien move.
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"I played panicky idiot #3....."
twhiteson12 March 2018
This was dumb.

The crew of the spaceship, Covenant, is transporting 2,000 colonists to a new solar system, but their journey is interrupted by a solar flash which damages the ship. While making repairs, they pick-up a signal from a previously uncharted planet. Upon locating it and determining it can support human life, the captain (Billy Crudup) makes a spur of the moment decision to chuck aside all the planning that was put into their expedition to make this new planet their colonial destination. He gets some slight push-back about this flippant decision from his second-in-command, "Daniels" (Katherine Waterston who looks eerily like her father), but that seems to be the only complaint.

So, the crew set down on this planet with no real plan, no protective gear, and just start winging it with, of course, disastrous results because this is an "Alien" movie.

The crew, especially the captain, appear to have the intelligence of turnips. They proceed to act like the Scooby-Do gang and/or the begging-to-be-victims characters from the "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween" franchises by constantly splitting-up. I groaned every time a character said: "I'll be right back" as he or she walks off alone. And, boy, are they panicky. It's as if they had no training for their jobs whatsoever. Who green-lit this expedition with these fools? (The rampant stupidity of these characters is downright insulting to the audience's intelligence.)

I don't know what's going on with poor Ridley Scott. For him to go forward with this stupid story with all its plot holes that require characters to repeatedly act like irrational fools is sad. The original "Alien" was such a smart movie with believable characters who were intelligent and professional. This is a pale imitation with a recycled plot twist from the original film except grossly embellished. Also, although Ms. Waterston is cute, her Daniels is no "Ellen Ripley."

Most of the other actors didn't resonate at all. Years from now, while they're trying to land new roles and are asked about their previous work they can respond: "Well, I played panicky idiot #3 on 'Alien: Covenant.'"
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Heartbroken and disappointed :/
dean_spencer7213 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I'm a huge Alien fan and was massively impressed by Prometheus, and like all avid Alien fans I was excited to see Convenant - but what an utter disappointment.

I thought the beginning was spectacular, except for the fact an obvious and critical error was made to explore an unknown planet. Then the face-palm moments increased at an alarming pace.

The scene where the first Alien was born, and the events leading up to it, was simply painful to watch. e.g. why would a specially trained scientist hug a clearly infected soldier while he's having a seizure and bleeding all over the place? simple - poor writing.

I have to say the moment when the 2 Aliens attacked from the bushes was intense and highly suspenseful, but that was the only relief before it was obvious I'd wasted my money.

The fact that David was scarier than the Aliens, that one idiotic decision was made after the other, and that many questions after Prometheus were left unanswered - make Alien Covenant a monumental failure. What a crying shame.
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Alien? Meet Annoying Android with Daddy Issues
andrew-7468520 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I don't really know what to say. I am such a fan of Alien, this movie truly offends me. It's intellectually offensive and insults the audience - especially fans familiar with Alien/Aliens. I really just want to vote and bring the score down for this horrible movie.

Others have already said it. The biggest problem is that the plot is idiotic. Worst writing ever. Prometheus had problems, and instead of addressing those problems in sensible ways that take us back to the meat and potatoes of the Alien narrative, which is, you know, THE ALIEN, it does the opposite, and leaves all those problems in place and then makes them even worse.

Did Alien3 make you mad? Alien4? This movie will make you even madder! It's not about a personal preference that things be changed here or there, from beginning to end the movie is a confused mess. The writers are trying to do way too much. The writers also think the audience is stupid and can't figure certain things out for themselves. But then the writers also don't bother trying to fill in some logic huge holes that deserve some answers. Without spoilers it's difficult to get into specifics.

The thing that is really bad is that this movie is a prequel. So we're supposed to be filling in story gaps that lead into the movies we already know and love, Alien/Aliens. This movie creates a narrative that is insulting to those films. The origin of this awesome Alien character? I'm not sure why that is something which needs to be answered to begin with, but, oh, turns out, some jackass that didn't get enough hugs as a child decided to create it out of boredom. Yep, that's it. Oh, well thanks for making a whole movie to tell the story of this stupid idea.

This movie takes the great "xenomorph" character and basically neuters it. Nothing special. Just the invention of a lunatic. What was Scott thinking, seriously? Here is our alpha character, the scariest science fiction villain of all time, chop off the testes, replace it with an annoying android/robot with daddy issues that won't shut up and then give it the dumbest/cheesiest dialog ever.

And then of course the movie then also has the characters doing things that defy logic/common sense. Similar to Prometheus where Charlize Theron is running away from a huge wheel in a straight line rather than, I don't know, turning left or right or something. Or morons marooned in a cave that decide it's a good idea to play with an alien snake. Except worse. Situation after situation things like this happen that insult you. Nobody, even the dumbest of the dumb, would act like this. Much less professionals who are elite members of a crew traveling across the galaxy to colonize another planet. Everything that happens is easily avoided.

Beside insulting you in every way imaginable with the completely stupid plot, the movie is just boring. There isn't much action at all. If you are hoping to see the Alien doing what it does best, kick butt, forget it. And instead of giving us the alien we know and love, which is scary and realistic, they come up with a variety of other CGI aliens which look very different, fake, and not scary. And there is no rhyme or reason for any of it. I'm not interested in DNA experiments and the creation of these other spin off aliens... I want THE ALIEN.

I'm shocked to be honest. I don't understand how Ridley Scott can possibly be so detached from reality. Is the man sub intelligent? I'm serious. Whoever wrote this is a literal idiot. I don't know how else to say it. If the Alien franchise didn't already exist, nobody would watch this movie. It's nonsense from beginning to end. This isn't even an Alien movie. What is it? I don't know. It was nothing but confusion. A wannabe Blade Runner/android/robot movie?
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Utterly heartbroken by this disastrous monstrosity
ashzombola12 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Dear Ridley Scott, You've ruined my life, you've ruined the lives of others, you've ruined your own life. I genuinely think you have a mental disorder. It's the only explanation. I have no words. I tried to write a fair, logical and critical review, but the 10,000 character limit wasn't enough to cover the sheer volume and perplexity and magnitude of brain hurting plot holes, editing, directing, story, acting and absurdity of the nonsensical destruction of the very thing you created. If I had the rest of your life to sit and explain the utter repugnance and absurdity of every choice you have made, it would still not be enough. Everything, is wrong. Even your own wrongs are wrong about the wrongs you've already wronged. I'm speechless. I'm just going to breath. Breath and try to remain calm as I remove every piece of Alien: Covenant and Prometheus from my mind. I feel dirty and infected, repulsed by this miasma of psycho vomit you have inflicted upon me.

My brain feels like the magical, inexplicable, story excusing black ooze... that's sometimes dust... and sometimes from insects... and sometimes is used as a plot device to explain absolutely nothing, and destroy people in vastly conflicting and apparently never ending ways, including itself. Perhaps from the ashes of my DNA, new life will be made. But apparently, not all the time. So I don't even have hope. Clearly, nothing makes sense anymore.

Yours sincerely
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What a joke
dom_ti200011 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is an insult, not only to Alien fans but to each and every cinephile. Hollywood has been happily churning out a lot of garbage lately, it's all about the money, they just bank on the name, doesn't matter if it's good or not as long as they make a profit. Hope this one loses money, I feel bad cause I got suckered into going opening day.

Like the video game crash of 1983, maybe one day, one day soon there will be a movie industry crash when people won't even bother going to see any more crappy sequels/prequels, unnecessary reboots, and other misleading bad creations of Hollywood, this is not entertainment, it's a just a kick in the brain.

I feel bad for every Alien fan out there, I found nothing to enjoy here. The direction they took the Alien lore is just... dull, even Prometheus was more enjoyable.

Alien Covenant - a waste of talent, time and money.

(This is my second review, I wrote more harsh things and it got deleted)
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Immensely Disappointing Film That shouldn't Be Praised For It's Mediocrity.
pickard23312 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I have to say. I was more eager than ever to see this film. The trailers were great (if not slightly spoiler filled) I was super keen on seeing Danny McBride playing a serious role, and I was more than eager to see something that would pull the Alien up from the nose dive it have become.

But when the credits rolled, oh man was I disappointed. This movie is actually a massive step down from Prometheus.

The problems with this film are vast, but some struck me more than than others. For one, it actually felt amateur. Considering Ridley Scott made the iconic origin film, it's hard to understand how tragically he has failed to grasp what makes the Alien film great. There is no slow burn atmosphere here. No tension build up. No creepiness to the xenomorph itself. It just fails to do anything that the predecessors do.

The film also makes the same mistakes as Prometheus did, by giving the characters terrible motives or at best, strange decision making capabilities. Nothing really makes sense. There are so many times where you wonder to yourself, 'if this is suppose to be such an important mission, why are they making such ridiculous choices?'

My next big gripe is with the visual effects. They are awful. Again, a huge step down from Prometheus (which at least had that going for it). The action scenes with the xenomorph were spastic and often hard to follow.

Characters were plain, story was beyond boring, plot was ill thought out, and the only likable character who makes sense is the villain!

It just failed overall to make a decent movie, and I am tired about giving movie justice just because 'at least the effects were good' or 'at least the sound was great'. If the film can't stand up with its own story, then it is a bad film. And as sorry as I am to say, this is a bad film.

Neill Blompkamp should be handed the reins, as at least he has vision which could benefit the franchise.
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Terrible Script, Terrible Effects, Utterly Boring
the_cyberpunk19 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
The film is in all ways worse than literally every Alien film that has come before it and I actually include the god-awful Aliens vs Predator films because at least they didn't over- promise and under-deliver so grotesquely. This film is filled with deus ex machina, clichés, bad techno babble, worse dialogue, and overused tropes. It is not only bad, it is laughably bad. There are extensive spoilers in this review, nevertheless I urge you to read on so that I can save you from this piece of absolute garbage.

The nonsense begins pretty much in the first minutes of the film. A disaster befalls the colony ship Covenant, which has stopped in deep space to unfurl its sails to recharge for some reason. I guess the ship runs on solar power or something because the people writing the script figure that's how it'll work in the future, and didn't bother checking with a technical consultant. So this disaster —a giant neutrino burst caused by a nearby star farting or something— damages the ship's solar sails, and causes fires to break out all over and steam vents to start spraying steam, and most notably killing the ship's captain James Franco whom I imagine had a larger part but saw where this mess of a script was going and cut fence along with Noomi Rapace who really only appears in likeness, but I digress.

So the flight crew of 15 (the rest of the ship's population of colonists are kept in hanging freezers that just kind of swing around like they're on coat hangers) has to fix the sails. Whilst Danny McBride is outside the ship doing this his helmet intercepts a cryptic signal of some one singing a —I'm not even kidding— John Denver song. Apparently only Danny McBride's helmet could pick this up because the ship has "communication buffers" that block out communication attempts I guess because that's how the communication systems aboard solar powered space ships of the future will work.

The replacement captain who no one trusts because he is "a person of faith" decides to take the ship off course to investigate the source of the transmission because it is coming from a planet that is awesome, way closer than their original destination that is still 7 years away, and yet that they somehow missed when selecting a planet to colonize. Of course it turns out the planet they find is the planet that Noomi Rapace and Michael Fassbender from the previous movie ended up on.

This is deus ex machina at its absolute worst. The odds of a ship in the vastness of space, just happening to run out of gas and getting a flat tire in front of Planet Bates Motel completely undermines the rest of the film, which even without this silly contrivance would have been terrible.

The colonists organize a landing party with their only shuttle, because of course they do. They find an eerily dead world because of course they do. Some of their number get sick on spores and end up birthing some monsters because of course they do. Things get particularly bad once David makes his appearance.

Yes David has survived since the events of Prometheus, his hair has grown out because I guess Weyland Corp makes androids that need hair cuts. Some more nonsense happens — I'm not going to go into it in detail because it is just so hackneyed and predictable. Suffice it to say more people die. And then the first huge twist of this pathetic film: David invented eggs and face huggers. That's right. David the android, still doing his best Peter O'Toole impression, stranded on a dead engineer world inhabited by monsters, decided that with all of this time on his hands he may as well invent the alien menace because he was mad about, I don't know, something, and wants to take it out on humanity by inventing a penis-headed monster. Maybe because he was made without a penis, I'm not really sure, they don't cover it. It is never adequately explained how he even does this or what tools he uses, or even how he knows how to do this in the first place.

We stumble across the preserved and vivisected corpse of Noomi Rapace that David has kept for some reason ala Bates Motel, as well as an art studio filled with of creepy poster sketches David made of her — I guess this planet had a Hobby Lobby. What ensues is a bad, nonsensical, utterly devoid of suspense or tension, chase sequence with terrible creature effects. I won't bother to tell you how it ends, it's just as stupid and predictable as the rest of the film.

To make matters worse, one of the script writers who churned out this turd also wrote the script for the upcoming Bladerunner sequel for which I now have absolutely zero hope. I don't know what is wrong with Ridley Scott. He keeps working with absolutely terrible scripts. Does he read this garbage beforehand? Does he show up on day one of shooting and just say "to hell with it, let's get this crap in the can"? Maybe he is just taking these projects on in order to set up trust funds for his kids — I don't know where the budget for this film went, it looked like it could have been filmed for less than a quarter of what went into it. Skip this film. And just to be safe skip any other films that happen to follow it. Nuke the whole god damn mess of a franchise from orbit. I can only hope this is the final nail in the coffin of this series I once loved.

0 Stars
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Alien: Covenant ? More like ...MORONS CONVENTION !!
Dr_Sagan5 July 2017
Warning: Spoilers
OK... This "Crew" ...they must be the biggest morons in the whole Universe. Were these people supposed to go and...inhabit an Alien planet? These guys are dumber than the illegitimate child of Jeff Daniels and Jim Carrey.

-- Ah a planet that looks like Earth! Let's forget our carefully planned initial destination and let's go and inhabit this one! What can possibly go wrong? It has 78% Nitrogen and 21% Oxygen, so it must be fine. No need for any special precautions. Not even a ...mere gas mask! And while were here why not rest on this comfy rock and light a ...cigarette to pass the time!

Jokes aside, this is more like a semi-horror movie than an actual sci-fi movie. I recently saw "Life" and this is even worst. Nothing original. Nothing new. Just creatures bursting out of the bodies of morons and imbeciles.

I won't bother you with comments about the visuals nor the music. (They are the "usual" stuff) and the acting refers more to screaming queens than to actual actors.

And the very predictable ending you can see it coming from a mile away.

Overall: Ignorant, idiotic, crying babies in Space !
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please no more Alien films from Ridley Scott
zappletal19 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
a crew responsible for thousands should contain only the smartest people. here nobody ever heard of quarantine or security protocols. the plot is boring and predictable (last 10 minutes of the film make you: "facepalm"). you also have two class quality visuals fx that range from poor to really good. sry as hard as i think, there is absolutely nothing good about this film.
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Corporate product
0Tolerence12 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is a result from corporate decision making based on marketing data. You take everything that has been known to work in this franchise and you mash it in a single installment. Make sure you have an opening for a sequel in there for cash flow continuity!

Where's creativity? where's the story? where is the plot? It's a typical Hollywood by the numbers movie production that we see all the time these days. Your DC movies, your marvel movies etc. etc. It's all by the numbers. Hence a by the numbers score of a 6. It's so very average without a standout anywhere.
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In some ways its excellent, but as an Alien film its infuriating
rabbitmoon12 May 2017
In the first 20 minutes I was so happy with Covenant. It felt sharp, atmospheric, there are interesting character situations, emotive moments and infinitely better writing than we had in Prometheus. As it progresses, this feeling continues - thankfully, a solid sci-fi film that got it right.

Then Ridley starts to indulge in his convoluted ideas about creation and destruction. Its like switching from 1977 George Lucas to 1999 Lucas. You can almost hear Ridley at a writing meeting saying "this'll be cool, and this, and this, and then this" and the writer saying "uh, is this for the same film or later in the series?" "Yeah just cram it all in, make it happen".

You end up with three different films - a first act like a modern Alien which I loved, a middle act of Prometheus style philosophizing that feels like more Westworld, then a last act of two shoe-horned in action scenes homaging Aliens and Alien 3 respectively. Except there is no satisfaction at all, because the aliens are rushed, a bit silly, often awkwardly CGI looking, and not even convincing as threats because we don't care about any of it.

By the end I just have no idea what to think. I just think it would have worked much better if the ideas were done justice in their own film, rather than ham-fistedly trying to ram them into an Alien film to try and please fans and make box-office.
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Much Worse Than I Could Ever Have Imagined
Jacobsnemesis12 May 2017
No suspense. No Horror. A permanent stain on the franchise that makes you feel dirty after having watched it.

I had pretty much no expectations going into this film. I had avoided much of the marketing material beforehand and knew very little about it other than it being a sequel to Prometheus, which I actually thought was a half decent film and a worthy prequel to Alien.

I'm not sure what went wrong with this film, but it is no exaggeration to say it is one of the worst films I've had the misfortune of sitting through. There is not one redeeming scene. The story is disjointed and quite frankly a complete mess. The editing is horrendous, the score completely forgettable and the cinematography is weirdly terrible.

Even Michael Fassbender cannot save this awful dirge. The CGI xneomorph will haunt my dreams for quite some time. Not because it's an imposing and scary alien in this film, but because the CGI is some of the worst you'll see from a movie this year.

Alien and Alien 2 were as close to cinematic perfection as you're going to get. Please avoid this dreadful film.
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A Covenant between Bankers and Hollywood to Fleece the Public
kmichaelpm7 June 2017
Warning: Spoilers

Another rip-off designed to make a few richer and steal two hours from movie-goers lives.

The entire movie is shot in the dark...the use of shaky cam is diabolical and the speed at which scenes change is mind boggling.

All this combines to ensure that you will have no clue what is going on.

There is no point in commenting on the acting, as it would be impossible for any actor to perform under this direction and production.

You will not forgive yourself for wasting your precious life on this absolute rubbish.
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Don't say I didn't warn you
mauvemage13 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
I live in the Uk and saw this film last night. On the plus side it looks good and the ship and crew of the Covenant vessel are reminiscent of the original classic Alien. On the down side these people are too stupid to live. They answer not a distress beacon, but a garbled rendition of John Denvers Take me Home. The go to a dead planet and don't take any precautions.

They land a couple of miles away from a vast Gothic alien city as big and bold as the Vactic city and they don't notice it. I remember thinking at the time 'I can see how they'd miss that' The alien attacks when they occur are really well done, but then there is the question of the ending.

The bad android David who killed not only all the Engineers who had inhabited this and all other non-plant they find and even the nice Dr. Elizabeth Shaw who put his head back on is basically worse than Hitler. He deliberately created the acid blooded xenomorph to wipe out humans and so it seems all other animal life just for good measure. He's basically android Doctor Frankenstein. In the incredibly dumb ending he somehow kills the more advanced nice android Walter who is part of the landing party and takes his place. Swapping clothes and chopping off his own hand to resemble they injury Walter picked up saving Daniels the Katherine Waterson character who tells her idiot crew-mates what a bad idea this mission is before they start dying horribly. He'd already cut his hair to look like his 'brother' Walter and no alarm bells rang amongst the crew despite Davids home resembling a Hironimous Bosch version of Hell.

It ends with David in charge of the colony ship ready to turn all the people in cryo stasis into his nasty little monsters. To the tune of Das Rheingold the entry of the gods into Valhalla.
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Moronic and involuntarily funny
pesic-120 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
It is Z-quality filmmaking with a huge budget. Imagine if someone picked a talentless, autistic nerd, told him to write and direct a fan fiction film, and gave him a professional film crew to get it done. This is that film. It is so badly written that it boggles the mind. It doesn't care about the story, the characters, or even the action. It's as though it goes through the motions, hoping to get to the end as quickly as possible, while never stopping to pay attention to anything. It has no rhythm, no buildup of suspense, no memorable characters or scenes, and it leaves a strong impression of being made by people who really don't care about anything except getting the whole thing finished and shipped to the cinemas worldwide.

I guess I can give it one star instead of zero for comedic value: people repeatedly slipping on blood (absolutely hilarious), the dancing alien from Spaceballs, the 'put your head in the egg' moment (remember Blackadder and the Scotsman that puts his head in the cannon?), the whole talk about 'security protocols' while no one even wears a protection suit on an alien planet, the silly 'good vs. evil Data' thing that was done a lot better in a much cheaper Star Trek episode... The film sure made me laugh time and again.

Another funny thing is watching old Ridley give interviews while trying to stay awake or put together a coherent sentence. The man should have retired before he even made Prometheus.
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The Best Alien Film! Thank you, Ridley!
hilaryswank20115 October 2017
First of all, you have to see Prometheus(2012) beforehand. David's plot line is pretty confusing audiences with Walter's one. Audiences can not say which one is David or Walter. This is the biggest issue of this film positively and negatively.

In the 21st. century, the good is weaker than evil like in this film. The story starts when the new captain takes initiative to distract the planed course of colonial voyage. They are forced to go to unknown planet where evil David and his creatures are waiting for the victims.

Daniels is our generation's Ripley. She is also doomed to the tragedy after she defeats aliens.

Bishop-like Walter is gone, there is the worst and most intelligent android David. This is a typical character of successful people who deceive others for their own cause not for social justice.

Alien embodies inner corporate politics of today. You can see Covenant as your company, then you can more clearly understand core thought behind this story. It is not about outer space or ancient era.

This franchise was originally created from "Planet of the Vampires"(1965) which directed by father of Italian Horror film, Mario Bava. Creatures are different but its plots and the space shuttle are resembled. Mario Bava's contribution and influence are huge on this Hollywood horror franchises.
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Incredibly making 'Prometheus' seemed decent in comparison, 'Alien: Covenant' is a glorified monotonous pit stop in the film series.
dragonlordx-0697210 May 2017
Warning: Spoilers
Set 10 years after the events of 'Prometheus,' the story begins with the crew of the colony ship Covenant receiving a possible distress call coming from an uncharted planet that seemed to be paradise for humans to live on. Once there, the crew discover the world is much dangerous than it seems but none more dangerous than encountering David, the android from the doomed Prometheus expedition.

From the get go, none of the human characters in 'Covenant' are interesting or memorable enough and except for a few, most of them are just faceless red shirts. Some of them act annoyingly hysterical which results in some face-palming reactions and some act like they're in a B-movie slasher flick, but worst of all, a few do something so incredibly stupid that you end up wondering if Weyland- Yutani intentionally hires morons to be part of their billion dollar expeditions.

Katherine Waterston plays Daniels and although she is probably the "best" character among these losers, she's not written very well nor does she have any notable moments. Michael Fassbender did a superb job with his dual role of David and Walter. Most were expecting Danny McBride to stink up the place but he turned out to be one of the very few reasonably decent characters. Billy Crudup's Oram joins the ranks of Fifeld and Millburn as the dumbest people in the 'Alien' series.

Despite the many flaws of 'Prometheus' and the numerous dumb human actions, the characters there were at least not boring and Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) was a good leading character that had many memorable exciting scenes. 'Prometheus' even had some thrilling action spectacle that wowed audience and expanded the Alien mythology.

Those that are expecting to learn more about the Engineers will be sorely disappointed as they are just briefly touched upon. The whole movie just feels like one big glorified set-up to show the transition from black goo to neomorph to finally xenomorph. Ridley Scott stated he plans to make three more 'Alien' prequels after Covenant. The problem now is we will get three more movies in the future to convolutedly and exhaustively tie everything up leading up to the first 'Alien' movie where the Engineer spacecraft somehow lands at the LV-426 moon.

The horror element in 'Covenant' is quite satisfactory, showcasing some spine-chilling terror and graphic kills. The action though is hugely disappointing with the last two big action sequences being uninspiring and unexceptional. The pacing during the last few minutes after the fake-out ending seemed rushed and dissonant. The xenomorph felt shoehorned. The pink-skinned neomorph was a worthy adversarial monster on its own and much creepier than the xenomorph.

If this is what Ridley Scott has in store for future Alien prequels, he should just stop and do something else. Or better yet, allow Neill Blomkamp to proceed with his planned 'Alien' do-over sequel where Hicks and Newt are still alive. Interest for the 'Alien' franchise will probably die down steadily with each prequel Ridley releases. This is starting to feel more and more like when George Lucas' botched up the 'Star Wars' prequels.

In space, no one can hear you scream. With each passing Alien prequels, no one cares anymore.

RATING: 5.5/10 or 6/10
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