[Professor Oberon gets eaten by a hippo]
Moose Finbar: You better go in there and save her!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I'm not gonna get in there, you get in there!
Moose Finbar: I got a backpack on! You don't get in water with a backpack, everybody knows that.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Get on my back!
Moose Finbar: I would rather die.
[cut to Bravestone carrying Moose on his bacl]
[Martha has become Ruby Roundhouse]
Ruby Roundhouse: Why am I wearing half a shirt and short shorts in the JUNGLE?
[Bethany has become Shelly Oberon]
Professor Shelly Oberon: [sees her reflection] NOO! I'm an over-weight middle-aged man!
[a troop of motorcycle killers appear]
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: This is a video game, which means we have special skills.
[Bravestone runs at super speed]
Moose Finbar: Why am I running so slow?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Oh my God, this is so cool! Martha, come look at my penis!
Ruby Roundhouse: No, thanks!
Professor Shelly Oberon: [bids farewell to his manhood] Later, dude.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I can't do this!
Moose Finbar: I saw you fix a helicopter in mid-air!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: It's a lot easier to be brave when you've got lives to spare. It's a lot harder when you only have one life.
Moose Finbar: We always only have one life, man. That's how it is.
Moose Finbar: [when he sees all his weaknesses] I hate this game.
[Bethany saves Alex, he hugs her]
Moose Finbar: Uh... you have a situation.
Professor Shelly Oberon: [sees he has an erection] Oh my God! These things are crazy!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: I want to stay with you, like this.
Ruby Roundhouse: Then let's be like this, every day... in the real world.
[Dr Bravestone retrieves the Jaguar's Eye from a herd of angry rhinos, by sacrificing Moose]
Moose Finbar: You do NOT want to know what's under those rhinos! I saw things I can never unsee, things that touched me!
Boy at Bazaar: What you seek is in the basket / If you're not careful, you'll be in a casket / Trust each other, and never blink / The missing piece is not what you think.
[Fridge rushes by Martha and nearly knocks her down]
Martha: Hey, person walking!
Alex: [to Bethany] Does "phone" mean something different in the future?
Moose Finbar: So sick of this game. Just stay out of my way Spencer!
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: What are you mad at me for?
Moose Finbar: Why am I mad? Are you seriously asking me that? You got me kicked off the team and you got me stuck in whatever this is. And you wonder why we're not friends no more.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Oh, this is why we're not friends anymore? Because you didn't want to get stuck in Jumanji? i don't think so. We're not friends because I'm not cool enough to hang out with you, so you pretend not to even know me anymore. Until you needed me to do your homework because you couldn't do it yourself. No wonder you don't know anything about Westward Expansion.
Moose Finbar: Okay, you see that? You know what? I'm not stupid, Spencer! i asked you to do me one simple favour. I said do my homework so I won't get kicked off the team, and you went and messed that up. Now I can't do the one thing i'm good at and it's all your fault. i should kick the shit out of you right now.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Like to see you try.
Ruby Roundhouse: Could I borrow your jacket? I feel like I'm wearing a bikini.
Professor Shelly Oberon: I once wore a bikini to school.
Ruby Roundhouse: Guys, how are we gonna get home?
Professor Shelly Oberon: Seriously, I can't even open my mouth around you. You don't even know me, but you, like, decided you hate me.
Ruby Roundhouse: Look, I just think you live in, like, the "hot popular girl" bubble, you know, where everybody either treats you like a princess or like an object. Maybe it makes you a little self-absorbed or something?
Professor Shelly Oberon: That's fair. But do you think that maybe the reason why you are so judgy is because you are like afraid that people are not gonna like you, so you've decided not to like them first? I'm just saying, you're a babe, go with it.
Nigel: Dr. Bravestone. Famed archaeologist and international explorer. Known across the seven continents for your courageous exploits.
Dr. Smolder Bravestone: Is there a seat belt?
Young Spencer: A game for those who seek to find / A way to leave their world behind.
Seaplane McDonough: Seaplane McDonough reporting for duty.