Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Tom Holland: Peter Parker, Spider-Man
Ned Leeds : Peter, are you okay?
Spider-Man : Yeah. Just keep trying to get through to Happy.
Ned Leeds : It's been an honor, Spider-Man.
[library lights turn on]
Ms. Warren : What are you doing here? There's a dance.
Ned Leeds : Uh...
[quickly shuts his laptop]
Ned Leeds : [awkwardly] I'm... looking... at porn.
[Spider-Man shows up at a robbery carried out by men in Avengers masks]
Spider-Man : Wait a minute... You guys aren't the real Avengers! I can tell. Hulk gives it away.
Peter Parker : Just a typical homecoming, on the outside of an invisible jet, fighting my girlfriends dad.
Tony Stark : Previously on "Peter Screws the Pooch", I tell you to stay away from this. Instead, you hacked a multi-million dollar suit so you could sneak around behind my back doing the *one thing* I told you not to do.
Peter Parker : Is everyone okay?
Tony Stark : No thanks to you.
Peter Parker : No thanks to me? Those weapons were out there and I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't listen. None of this would've happened if you had just listened to me! If you even cared, you'd actually be here.
[Tony Stark steps out of the suit to reveal that he *is* in fact there]
Tony Stark : I did listen, kid. Who do you think called the FBI, huh? Do you know that I was the only one who believed in you? Everyone else said I was *crazy* to recruit a 14-year-old kid.
Peter Parker : I'm 15.
Tony Stark : No, this is where you ZIP IT, alright? The adult is talking! What if somebody had died tonight? Different story, right? 'Cause that's on *you*. And if you died, I feel like that's on me. I don't need that on my conscience.
Peter Parker : Yes, sir, I...
Tony Stark : Yes.
Peter Parker : I'm sorry. In sorry.
Tony Stark : "Sorry" doesn't cut it.
Peter Parker : I understand. I just wanted to be like you.
Tony Stark : And I wanted you to be better. Okay, it's not working out. I'm gonna need the suit back.
Peter Parker : For how long?
Tony Stark : Forever.
Peter Parker : [on the verge of tears] No! No, no, no! Please, please, please!
Tony Stark : Let's have it.
Peter Parker : You don't understand! This is all I have! I'm nothing without this suit!
Tony Stark : If you're nothing without this suit, then you shouldn't have it, okay? God, I sound like my dad.
Peter Parker : I don't have any other clothes.
Tony Stark : Okay, we'll sort that out.
Peter Parker : Wow, they're in the middle of a heist! I could catch them all red-handed, this is awesome! Okay, I'm gonna get a little closer so I can see what's happening.
Karen : Would you like me to engage Enhanced Combat Mode?
Peter Parker : Enhanced Combat Mode? Yeah!
Karen : Activating Instant-Kill.
Peter Parker : What? No, no, no, I don't wanna kill anybody!
Karen : Deactivating Instant-Kill.
[Peter jumps out of his position and tries to swing, only to plummet face-first into the ground]
Peter Parker : What the hell just happened?
Karen : You jumped off a sign and landed on your face.
Adrian Toomes : Peter, you're young. You don't understand how the world works.
Peter Parker : Yeah, but I understand that selling weapons to criminals is wrong!
Adrian Toomes : How do you think your buddy Stark paid for that tower, or any of his little toys? Those people, Pete, those people up there, the rich and the powerful, they do whatever they want. Guys like us, like you and me... they don't care about us. We build their roads and we fight all their wars and everything. They don't care about us. We have to pick up after them. We have to eat their table scraps. That's how it is. I know you know what I'm talking about, Peter.
Peter Parker : Why are you telling me this?
Adrian Toomes : 'Cause I want you to understand. And... I needed a little time to get her airborne.
[Summons Vulture harness]
Peter Parker : I can't make it to the Decathlon next week. I have the Stark Internship.
Abe : Oh, no.
Michelle : Peter's not going to Nationals.
Abe : Why not?
Liz : Really, before Nationals?
Michelle : Figures. He's already bailed out on marching band and robotics club.
[Everyone looks at her]
Michelle : I'm not obsessed with him, I'm just super observant.
Peter Parker : [in a car with Tony] So, to become an Avenger, is there like trials or an interview?
Tony Stark : Just don't do anything I *would* do.
Tony Stark : And definitely don't do anything I wouldn't do.
[Peter looks confused]
Tony Stark : There's a little gray area in there and that's where you operate.
Peter Parker : Oh...
Tony Stark : Alright?
[Tony reaches across Peter with his arm. Peter wraps his arms around him]
Tony Stark : That's not a hug, I'm just grabbing the door for you.
[opens Peter's door]
Tony Stark : All right, kid. Good luck out there.
Tony Stark : Sorry I took your suit. I mean, you had it coming. Actually, it turns out it was the perfect sort of tough love moment that you needed, right? To urge you on, right? Wouldn't you think? Don't you think?
Peter Parker : Gee, I, I...
Tony Stark : Let's just say it was.
Peter Parker : Mr. Stark, I'm...
Tony Stark : You screwed the pooch hard. Big time. But then you did the right thing: you took the dog to the free clinic, you raised the hybrid puppies... alright, not my best analogy. I was wrong about you. I think with a little more mentoring, you could be a real asset to the team.
Peter Parker : To the, to the... to the team?
Tony Stark : Yeah! Anyway, there's about 50 reporters behind that door, real ones, not bloggers, so when you're ready...
[Reveals the Iron Spider Armor]
Tony Stark : Why don't you try that on... and I'll introduce the world to the newest official member of the Avengers: Spider-Man.
Adrian Toomes : [Turns a gun to Peter] Does she know?
Peter Parker : Know what?
Adrian Toomes : So she doesn't, good. Close to the vest, I admire that. I've got a few secrets of my own. Of all the reasons I didn't want my daughter to date! Peter, nothing is more important than family. You saved my daughter's life, and I could never forget something like that, so I'll give you one chance. You ready? You walk through those doors, and you forget any of this happened. And don't you ever, ever interfere with my business again, because if you do, I'll kill you, and everyone that you love. I'll kill you dead. That's what I'll do to protect my family. Pete, you understand? Hey. I just saved your life. Now, what do you say?
Peter Parker : [Awkwardly] Thank you.
Adrian Toomes : You're welcome. Now, you go in there, and you show my daughter a good time, okay? Just not too good.
Peter Parker : So, to become an Avenger, are there like trials, or an interview.
Adrian Toomes : [pulls up to a red traffic light] That's terrible what happened down there in DC, though. Were you scared? I bet you were glad when your old pal Spider-Man showed up in the elevator, though, huh?
Peter Parker : Yeah, well, I- I- I actually didn't go up. I saw it all from the ground. Pretty lucky that he was there that day.
Adrian Toomes : [traffic light turns green] Good old Spider-Man.
Peter Parker : It is I, Thor, son of Odin!
Spider-Man : [to his camera in Berlin] No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin or what I'm doing. Something about Captain America going crazy.
Spider-Man : Hey, Happy! Um, here's my report for tonight. I stopped a grand theft bicycle. Couldn't find the owner, so I just left a note. Um... I helped this lost, old Dominican lady. She was really nice and bought me a churro. So I just, um, feel like I could be doing more. You know? Just curious when the next real mission is gonna be. So, yeah, just call me back. It's Peter. Parker.
[He hangs up the phone]
Spider-Man : Why would I tell him about the churro?
Ned Leeds : Always got that internship.
Peter Parker : Yeah, well, hopefully, soon it'll lead to a real job with them.
Ned Leeds : That would be so sweet.
Peter Parker : Right?
Ned Leeds : He'd be all, "Good job on those spreadsheets, Peter. Here's a gold coin."
[Peter gives him a look]
Ned Leeds : I don't know how jobs work.
Peter Parker : That's exactly how they work.
Ned Leeds : Oh.
Spider-Man : It is really cool seeing you guys in person.
Peter Parker : [after asking Liz to homecoming] May, I need your help.