"Bent" follows Danny Gallagher (Karl Urban), a discredited narcotics detective who, upon his release from prison, makes plans to seek revenge on the accuser who framed him and killed his partner. Through his quest, Gallagher is forced to confront a ruthless, seductive government agent (Sofia Vergara), who may or may not be on his side; and his mentor (Andy Garcia), a retired cop who's fought corruption his entire career.
"Hey there, my names Karl Urban. I'm known for my films where I play Karl Urban and most recently, playing the exciting new role of Karl Urban. This time around, I'm a cop who was framed for murder blah blah blah now out of prison blah blah blah finding out the truth behind blah blah blah bring to justice, etc. It's a real fresh concept on the genre. The script for this movie is genius in that it feels like someone wrote the entire thing in Mandarin and then transposed it to English using Google Translate. Not only that, but Sofia Vergara is in it so we have an excuse for a poorly executed love interest that comes quite literally out of nowhere. She's terrible, but she makes out with a chick so it's worth it. I spend most of the movie hunting down the generic bad guy within 7 days, during which time I conveniently have a "guy" for everything to help assist the plot along, without the need for unnecessary things like exposition. Need a licence plate run? I know someone in the DMV. Need to check my car for bugs? Got a guy in a garage. I'm just like John Wick! I also have two sets of clothes for the entire god damn movie, it's really remarkable. Anyway make sure you catch this film before you completely forget it even exists, which is a real possibility."
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Flinders Street station with my tongue than watch this atrocious drivel again.
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