Jack Brennan: I think she's bipolar, or lactose intolerant, one of the two.
Father James Lavelle: I think there's too much talk about sins and not enough about virtues.
Fiona Lavelle: What would be your number one?
Father James Lavelle: I think forgiveness has been highly underrated.
Father James Lavelle: I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic about joining the army in peace time, as far as I'm concerned people join the army to find out what its like to kill someone. I hardly think that's an inclination that should be encouraged in modern society, do you?
The Writer: You know how you can tell when you're really getting old?
Father James Lavelle: How?
The Writer: No-one ever says the word 'death' around you any more.
Father Leary: I didn't realise you hated me that much.
Father James Lavelle: I don't hate you, at all.
Father Leary: Then, why?
Father James Lavelle: It's just you have no integrity. That's the worst thing I could say about anybody.
Father James Lavelle: He was a good man, your husband?
Teresa: Yes. He was a good man. We had a very good life together. We loved each other very much. And now... he has gone. And that is not unfair. That is just what happened. But many people don't live good lives. They don't feel love. That is why it's unfair. I feel sorry for them.
Father James Lavelle: I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic about joining the army in peacetime. As far as I'm concerned, people join the army to find out what its like to kill someone. I hardly think that's an inclination that should be encouraged in modern society, do you? Jesus Christ didn't think so, either. And the commandment "Thou shalt not kill" does not have an asterisk beside it, referring you to the bottom of the page where you find a list of instances where it's okay to kill people.
Milo Herlihy: What about self defense?
Father James Lavelle: That's a tricky one, all right. But we're hardly being invaded, though, are we?
Milo Herlihy: The war on terror has no borders.
Father James Lavelle: I don't think Sligo is too high on Al-Quaeda's agenda, Milo, do you?
Milo Herlihy: Who knows what goes on in the Muslim mind?
Milo Herlihy: I have had murderous feelings, though, I have to admit. Not getting laid, it's starting to make me feel really angry towards women. And so I thought, well, if I join the Army, those inclinations, as you call them, would be seen as a plus. On your application, like. They don't come right out and say that's what they're looking for. In the advertisements, it's all about seeing the world and all that shite. But I would assume that wanting to murder someone would be like having a degree in engineering, you know, it would outweigh my lack of qualifications.
Father James Lavelle: Do you use pornography at home?
Milo Herlihy: I feel I've exhausted all the possibilities of pornography.
Father James Lavelle: All of them?
Milo Herlihy: Well, nearly all of them. I'm on to transexual pornography at the moment. Chicks with dicks, you know.
Fiona Lavelle: You don't have any photographs.
Father James Lavelle: No. I'm in agreement with the Apaches on that score.
Fiona Lavelle: The Apaches?
Father James Lavelle: The Apaches. The Arapaho.
Fiona Lavelle: The Hunkpapa Sioux.
Fiona Lavelle: Not even one of Mum?
Father James Lavelle: I don't need a photograph to remember your mother.
Fiona Lavelle: Memories fade, though. That's what's so terrible about them.
Father James Lavelle: No, they don't. Not really.
Father Leary: Jesus Christ! What happened to you?
Father James Lavelle: Brendan Lynch.
Father Leary: Brendan Lynch? He is a Buddhist!
Father James Lavelle: So what if he is a fucking Buddhist? You think Buddhists don't beat people up? You think Buddhists don't fuck their kids like everyone else?
Father Leary: You are obviously very upset.
Father James Lavelle: Tibetians spit on blind people in the street! They are killing albinos in Africa! You are so fucking naive!
Father Leary: Please do not curse at me, Father. I think it would be best to countinue this conversation in the morning, when you are sober.
Father James Lavelle: Why you are a fucking priest at all? You should be a fucking accountant or a fucking insurance man!
Father James Lavelle: The limits of His mercy have not been set.
Father James Lavelle: Leave home. Go somewhere where your chances of meeting available young women with loose morals are increased proportionately.
Milo Herlihy: Sligo town, d'you mean?
Father James Lavelle: No, I was thinking more: Dublin, London, New York.
Milo Herlihy: New York? I'd only end up getting the AIDS, knowing my luck. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Father. I can't say it's been of much help, but it's good to get these things out in the open, I suppose.
Father Leary: Things you hear in confession these days. It's depressing.
Father James Lavelle: You have to detach yourself from it. We're here to provide solace. Your personal feelings don't come into it.
Father Leary: I know that. What do you take me for? It's difficult, though, the mess people make of their lives.
Father James Lavelle: What's the problem? Without going into details, obviously.
Father Leary: Your one with the big black eye on her. Have you seen her?
Father James Lavelle: Veronica Brennan, yeah.
Father Leary: She's an odd one. The things she comes out with. It's like she's trying to drag you down into the muck. Do you know what felching is?
Father James Lavelle: I do know what felching is, yeah.
Father Leary: I had to look it up.
Father James Lavelle: This is you not going into details, is it?
Father James Lavelle: [while hearing Confession] What do you want to say to me? I'm here to listen to whatever you have to say.
Threatener: I'm going to kill you, Father.
Father James Lavelle: Certainly a startling opening line.