Community (TV Series)
Contemporary Impressionists (2012)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Over break, I took the plunge and started seeing a new shrink.
Britta Perry : [shocked that he didn't turn to her for help] What? Hello?
Jeff Winger : [flat] Hello. Anyway, I talked about my dad, punched a few pillows. And she put me on this amazing anti-anxiety pill. It's really enhanced my self-confidence. I explained that really well.
Britta Perry : Jeff, you can't be on anti-anxiety meds. What little self-doubt you have is the only thing keeping your ego penned in. You are a textbook narcissist.
Jeff Winger : I'm an exceptional narcissist, Britta.
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Britta Perry : No, those meds you're taking. Without anxiety to keep your vanity in check, you are vulnerable to a syndrome called hyper-narcissosis. Ok... look. This apple is your ego. Imagine it expanding to the point of critical mass, taking over your whole personality, making you an uncontrollable monster.
Jeff Winger : Britta, how did an apple make that clear? Imagine it expanding? Use a balloon.
Britta Perry : I was on my way to lunch.
Jeff Winger : Why are you trying to take this away from me? I like having no anxiety. I'm in harmony with the world.
Leonard : Looking good, Winger.
Jeff Winger : Thank you, Leonard, for that compliment, and for your service to this country.
[to Britta]
Jeff Winger : I'm so confident now, I can pull things off I never dreamed possible. Look.
[dons sunglasses]
Jeff Winger : Aviators. Final boarding call, beefcake airways.
Britta Perry : I'm warning you as your friend to get off of those meds. And until they're out of your system, stay away from flattering situations... weddings, soft lighting, formal wear, gay bars. And take those off!
Jeff Winger : Because they make me look good?
Britta Perry : That's not relevant.
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Vinnie : Holy crap, you'd make an amazing Seacrest.
Jeff Winger : Very kind. Thank you.
Vinnie : You're actually a lot taller than Seacrest. You've actually got a sharper jaw too. You're actually more handsome than the guy that's famous for being handsome.
[Jeff grunts]
Britta Perry : Jeff?
[Jeff groans as his ego swells]
Britta Perry : You'll be okay. Just stay humble.
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Jeff Winger : I'd love to help, but playing Ryan Seacrest at a big party may not be a safe situation for me.
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Britta Perry : Jeff!
Jewish Lady 3 : [Jeff dips his dance partner] Oh!
[gasps]
Jewish Lady 3 : I haven't been dipped like that since my last divorce.
Jeff Winger : Britta, you were right. I can feel my ego taking over. Do something!
Britta Perry : Okay, listen to me. You are not that big of a deal. Do you understand? You have bad posture. When you do to many push-ups, it looks like you have boobs. The tile in your bathroom is tacky. You were emotionally closed off in bed to the point where one time, I didn't come up because I couldn't find close enough parking. You have an unusually high butt crack.
Jeff Winger : Thank you.
[delusionally satisfied smile]
Jeff Winger : It couldn't have been easy for you to lie like that.
Britta Perry : We are getting you out of here.
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Vinnie : [to Jeff] Handsome Seacrest, I need you in this tux.
Britta Perry : Jeff, do not wear that.
Vinnie : Aw, zip it, white Jacko.
Jeff Winger : Don't worry, that thing in the cafeteria freaked me out, so I talked to my shrink, and she doubled my dosage.
Britta Perry : What? Jeff, that's insane!
Jeff Winger : I thought so too, but after I took that extra pill, it seemed like a great idea.
Troy Barnes : Jeff, put it on. Go.
Britta Perry : No, Jeff!
Troy Barnes : Britta, stop arguing. If you have anything else to say, say it in a high-pitched voice while walking backwards.
Britta Perry : [high-pitched voice] Jeff is in grave danger.
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Britta Perry : You okay?
Jeff Winger : No. I ruined a Bar Mitzvah. I'm a bad person.
Britta Perry : What you're feeling is called shame. It means you're getting better. You're gonna be safe again once those pills wear off.
Jeff Winger : Um, I was thinking... you know that person that you study for your psych class? Maybe that should be me.
Britta Perry : Uh-uh. No way. You are way out of my league, diagnostically speaking. I'm gonna go with someone a little less complicated. Like Abed.
