Starting with its totally meaningless title, "Splashdown" is among the worst films made over the past decade by daring! Media, a quality European label first headquartered in Spain and latterly in Holland, but emphasizing British talent. This one, like a companion piece ripping off "Grand Theft Auto", was shot in L.A. and Arizona.
Lovely and underrated (likely due to not getting plum roles but toiling in junkers like this one) Kiara Diane, misspelled Diana in the opening credits, narrates the attempt at a story, when in fact what we get is an hour and a half of female masturbation and random sex footage, very poorly edited. Kiara is masturbating throughout, telling us about her roommate (hot, hot British star McKenzie Lee) and other female friends who are similarly horny. Knitting the separate vignettes together is beyond the skills of "Dawn".
I put the director's name in quotation marks because at the end of Brandy Aniston's solo scene pleasuring herself a male voice yells directions which she then follows, clunkily left in the final release version. The BTS short subject has a male voice directing many scenes, making daring!'s pretense (for marketing purposes) of a house director named Dawn intentionally misleading. Not that anyone would want to take credit for making crap like this.
Even within a scene the editing is poor. Another girl friend our friendly narrator introduces, petite blonde Emma Mae, is shown by her fireplace and abruptly transported to Arizona for scenic masturbation atop a rock outcropping.
Monique Alexander (confusing casting, since Kiara is named Monique in this film instead) shows up in Arizona jerking off when John Strong strolls by, seemingly straying of the set of "Grand Theft RIPOFF" for which he starred for "Dawn". He humps her in a very lame finale that has one of the clumsier set-ups I've seen. Kiara herself shows up in Arizona riding nude on an ATV for the fans. At the end she looks at the camera thanking us for watching and hinting at (yikes!) a sequel.
Why folks would go to the trouble of location filming for such wall-to- wall sex nonsense is beyond me. And why blow a hard-earned reputation for creating quality Romantic Couples adult entertainment by issuing worthless stuff like this one, oh ye mysterious backers of daring! Media Group?
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