Jeff Winger: Sean Penn called, he said dial it back. Sean Penn is an actor...
Professor Kane: I know who Sean Penn is! I've seen "Milk!" Now get out of my class!
Jeff Winger: Stop! Stop! Pierce isn't crazy. The table... Is... Magic. As someone who's been on the other side I can tell you, it is a scary, lonely Chang-filled world out there. And sure this group has sprouted some legs, but why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool. When the only things waiting for us on shore are the sands of time, and the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart.
Vice Dean Laybourne: You could have lived the rest your life in blissful ignorance and died a happy pansexual imp, but you wanted to feel power this year. Well, now you're going to my feel my power as it surges downward from me straight through you from nostril to rectum now until the end of time... and that's... wassup.
Dean Pelton: I forgot everything you said before "rectum!"
Annie Edison: We're really doing this without Pierce? It's so sad.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, we have parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest, elderly crazy friend. And he's not coming back.
Pierce Hawthorne: I'm back.
Abed Nadir: Troy and I are living together.
Shirley Bennett: Aw, that's nice.
Troy Barnes: If you want to get us a gift, we're registered at Linens 'n Things.
Abed Nadir: We have plenty of linens. We mainly want the things.