Am I compromised? Is this review tainted because I'm a Catholic cinephile? If you've seen my star rating than you probably figured you can rule that out. I was excited, A film from Darren Aronofsky is an event for me akin to the Olympics. That is, many years pass between his films, and when they arrive, they're freaking awesome.
Within the first few minutes, all my pent-up affection leaked away. Despite Noah's fervent source material (and that's as religious as I'll get in this review, pipe down) the narrative is extraordinarily weak, and the plot feels empty, despite the 138 minute runtime. The acting is terrible, especially from Emma Watson. (it's time we stop considering her an actress and call her what she is; a model) Even the brilliant Jennifer Connelly uncomfortably shifts between hammy underacting and cringe-inducing overacting. There is no progression or cohesiveness, Noah is corrupted by a jumpiness that completely disconnects you from the film. And it uses it's largely, if 100%, CGI landscape as a crutch instead of a supplement.
But the real kicker, the REAL kicker, is that there is no evidence Darren Aronofsky had any part in this film. His trademark deep darkness isn't there, his infinitely interpretable script isn't there, and his quick-cut, close-up camera isn't there. You could've told me f*****g Brett Ratner directed this and I would've believed you.
It probably would've been more efficient for me to layout this review with bullet points. Noah's whole ethos counters what I stand for. It's the sort of blinged up executive express that takes a brilliant story in vain, and tries to pass as profound. I have nothing but contempt for this movie.
