Django Unchained (2012)
Jamie Foxx: Django
Dr. King Schultz : [aiming .45-70 rifle at fleeing Ellis Brittle] You sure that's him?
Django : Yeah.
Dr. King Schultz : Positive?
Django : I don't know.
Dr. King Schultz : You don't know if you're positive?
Django : I don't know what 'positive' means.
Dr. King Schultz : It means you're sure.
Django : Yes.
Dr. King Schultz : Yes, what?
Django : Yes, I'm sure that's Ellis Brittle.
[Schultz shoots Brittle off his horse]
Django : I'm positive he dead.
Calvin Candie : [to Django] So, bright boy, Moguy tells me you looked over my African flesh and you was none too impressed, huh?
Django : Not for top dollar.
Calvin Candie : Well, then, we got nothing more to talk about. You see, you want to buy a beat ass nigger from me, those are the beat ass niggers I want to sell, so...
Django : He don't wanna buy the niggers you wanna sell. He wants the nigger you don't wanna sell.
Calvin Candie : Well, I don't sell the niggers I don't wanna sell.
Dr. King Schultz : Well, you won't sell your best. You won't even sell your second best, but your third best? You don't wanna sell either, but if I made you an offer so ridiculous, you'd be forced to consider it?
Dr. King Schultz : Who knows what could happen?
Calvin Candie : And what do you consider "ridiculous?"
Dr. King Schultz : For a truly talented specimen, the right nigger? How much would you say, Django?
Django : ...12,000 dollars.
Calvin Candie : Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, now you have my attention.
Calvin Candie : Hello. Stephen, my boy!
Stephen : [black house servant exiting the Big House] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my ass. Who dis nigger up on dat nag?
Calvin Candie : Aw, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast? What's the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me? Huh?
Stephen : Oh, yes, sir. I miss you like a hawg miss slop. Like a baby miss mammy titty! I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe! Now, I aks you, who dis nigger on dat nag?
Django : Hey, Snowball. You wanna know my name or the name of my horse, you ask me.
Stephen : Just who the hell you callin' 'Snowball,' hoss boy? I'll snatch yo black ass off dat nag down here in the mud so fast make yo head spin!
Calvin Candie : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stephen! Stephen! Let's keep it funny. Django here's a freeman.
Stephen : Dis nigger here?
Calvin Candie : That nigger there. Let me at least introduce the two of you. Django, this is a another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here is Django. You two oughta hate each other.
Stephen : Calvin, just who the hell is dis nigger you feel's the need to entertain?
Calvin Candie : Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, you are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
Stephen : Yes, sir. Him I understands, but I don't know why I got to take lip off dis nigger.
Calvin Candie : You don't have to know why. Do you understand?
Stephen : Yes, sir. I understand.
Calvin Candie : Well, good. They're spending the night. Go open the guest bedrooms and get two ready.
Stephen : [mortified] He gawn stay in the Big House?
Calvin Candie : Stephen. He's a slaver. It's different.
Stephen : In the Big House?
Calvin Candie : Well, you got a problem with that?
Stephen : Aw, naw, naw. I ain't got no problem with it. If you ain't got no problem with burnin' the bed, the sheets, the pillowcase, and everything else when this black-ass motherfucker's gone!
Calvin Candie : That is my problem! They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!
Stephen : Yes, sir, Monsieur Candie.
Calvin Candie : Go on, now.
Stephen : Cain't believe you brought a nigger to stay in the Big House. Yo daddy's rollin' over in his goddamn grave, right now. Brought a nigger to stay with us. What kinda shit is that?
Calvin Candie : Man, the lip on him! Whoo! He's getting worse and worse. Now, WHERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER?
Django : Hey, little troublemaker.
Dr. King Schultz : Well, Broomhilda was a princess. She was a daughter of Wotan, god of all gods. Anyways, Her father is really mad at her.
Django : What she do?
Dr. King Schultz : I can't exactly remember. She disobeys him in some way. So he puts her on top of the mountain.
Django : Broomhilda's on a mountain?
Dr. King Schultz : It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. And he puts a fire-breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And he surrounds her in a circle of hellfire. And there, Broomhilda shall remain. Unless a hero arises brave enough to save her.
Django : Does a fella arise?
Dr. King Schultz : Yes, Django, as a matter of fact, he does. A fella named Siegfried.
Django : Does Siegfried save her?
Dr. King Schultz : [Nods] Quiet spectacularly so. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He slays the dragon, because he's not afraid of him. And he walks through hellfire... because Broomhilda's worth it.
Django : I know how he feel.
Django : [to Big John Brittle] I like the way you die, boy.
Django : [gentlemanly] Cora, before you go, will you tell Miss Lara "goodbye"?
Cora : Do what now?
Django : I said, "tell Miss Lara goodbye!"
Cora : Bye, Miss Lara!
Django : [quickly shoots Miss Lara, who is comically blown away into another room] Y'all two run along now!
[Cora and Sheeba frantically run out of the house]
Django : You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you've seen all manner of shit done to niggers but I notice... you didn't mention kneecapping.
[Django shoots Stephen in the kneecap]
Stephen : Oh, God! Motherfucker! Damn it!
Django : Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many niggers you think you seen come and go? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothing but horseshit, but he was right about one thing: I am that one nigger in ten thousand.
[He shoots Stephen in the other kneecap]
Stephen : Oh, you son of a bitch! Oh, you motherfucker! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this nigger!
Django : [Django shoots Billy Crash in the arm; he falls to the floor injured and wailing] Billy Crash!
Django : Now, where were we? Oh... that's right! Last time I saw you, you had your hands around my-
[Django shoots Billy Crash in the genital area; he starts screaming]
Billy Crash : D-Jango! You black son of a bitch!
Django : [calmly] The "D" is silent, hillbilly!
[Django shoots Billy Crash dead]
Dr. King Schultz : How long have you been associated with Mr. Candie?
Leonide Moguy : Oh, Calvin's father and I were about eleven when we went to boarding school together. Calvin's father's father put me through law school. One could almost say I was raised to be Calvin's lawyer.
Django : One could almost say you's a nigga.
Leonide Moguy : What did you say?
Django : I said...
Dr. King Schultz : He's just being cheeky.
Django : It's me, baby...
Dr. King Schultz : Let's just hope she works in the house, not in the field.
Django : Oh, no, she ain't no field nigger. She... She pretty. And she talk good, too. But when they tore her back up and then they... burned that runaway "r" on her cheek... they goddamned her. She ain't no field nigger but she ain't good enough for the house no more either. They gonna try to make her a comfort girl.
Dr. King Schultz : What's a comfort...? Oh.
Django : [playing his role as a black slaver to the hilt] You niggas gon' understand something about me! I'm worse than any of these white men here! You get the molasses out your ass, and you keep your goddamn eyeballs off me!
Dr. King Schultz : My name is Dr. King Schultz, and like yourself, Marshall, I am a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of 200 dollars. Now, that's 200 dollars, dead or alive.
U.S. Marshall Gill Tatum : The hell you say!
Dr. King Schultz : I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news. But I'm willing to wager this man was elected sheriff sometime in the last two years. I know this because three years ago, he was rustling cattle from the B.C. Corrigan Cattle Company of Lubbock, Texas. Now, this is a warrant, made out by circuit court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin Texas. You're encouraged to wire him. He'll back up who I am, and who your dear departed sheriff was. In other words Marshall... you owe me 200 dollars.
Django : I'll be damned!
Dr. King Schultz : Do most slaves believe in marriage?
Django : Oh, me and wife did. Old Man Carrucan didn't. That's why we, uh, we run off.
Old Man Carrucan : [During Django's flashback when he was a slave on the Carrucan plantation] Django... Django... Django... You got sand, Django. Boy's got sand! I got no use for a nigger with sand.
[Django, with a metal collar around his neck and face, looks on]
Old Man Carrucan : I want you to burn a runaway "R" right here on his cheek, and the girl, too.
Old Man Carrucan : And I want you to take them to the Greenville auction and sell them. Both of them... separately.
[Django looks at Old Man Carrucan with rage]
Old Man Carrucan : And this one... you will sell him cheap!
Stephen : [singing] In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore...
Stephen : In the sweet...
Django : [Django appears and starts singing] By and by... Ohhhhhh!
[Stephen, Miss Lara and everybody else in the room jerks up to Django, who is standing on the top balcony lighting candles]
Django : Ya'll gonna be together with Calvin in the "bye-and-bye..."
[Django pauses as Billy Crash walks up]
Django : ... just a bit sooner than ya'll was expecting!
Django : [while whipping Roger Brittle] Keep it funny!
Dr. King Schultz : On one hand, I despise slavery. On the other hand, I need your help. If you're not in a position to refuse, all the better. So, for the time being, I'm gonna make this slavery malarkey work to my benefit. Still, having said that, I feel guilty...
Dr. King Schultz : So, I would like the two of us to enter into an agreement.
[Schultz leans in on Django]
Dr. King Schultz : I'm looking for the Brittle brothers.
[Django stares at him]
Dr. King Schultz : However, at this endeavor, I'm at a slight disadvantage insofar as I don't know what they look like.
Dr. King Schultz : But you do. Don't ya?
Django : [Django leans in on Schultz] Oh, I know what they look like, all right.
Dr. King Schultz : Good. So here's my agreement: You travel with me until we find them...
Django : [Django smiles] Where we goin'?
Dr. King Schultz : I hear at least two of them are overseeing up in Gatlinburg, but I don't know where. That means we visit every plantation in Gatlinburg till we find 'em. And when we find them, you point them out, and I kill them.
[Django smirks and nods]
Dr. King Schultz : You do that, I agree to give you your freedom; $25 per Brittle brother.
Django : Let's get out of here.
Django : [bursts into a room of runaway slave catchers, guns drawn] D'Artagnan, motherfuckers!
Dr. King Schultz : [Big Daddy approaches with a mob of other people to confront Schultz and Django after they killed the Brittle brothers] Everybody calm down, we mean no one else any harm!
Big Daddy : Who are you two jokers?
Dr. King Schultz : I am Dr. King Schultz, a legal representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America. The man to my left is Django Freeman, he's my deputy. In my pocket is a warrant signed by circuit court judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin, Texas, for the arrest and capture, dead or alive, of John Brittle, Ellis Brittle, and Roger Brittle...
Django : They were going by the name of "Shaffer."
Dr. King Schultz : You know them by the name "Shaffer," but the butchers real names were Brittle. These are wanted men; the law wants them for murder. I reiterate, this warrant states "dead or alive." When Django and myself executed these men on sight, we were operating within our legal boundaries. Now, I realize passions are high, but I must warn you, the penalty for taking deadly force against a officer of the court in the performance of his duty is, you will be hung by the neck until you are dead.
Dr. King Schultz : [pause] May I please remove the warrant from my pocket so you may examine it?
Big Daddy : [Resting his rifle on his shoulder] Gimme.
Dr. King Schultz : Satisfied? May I have that back?
Big Daddy : Get off my land!
Django : [as Schultz prepares to pour the beer] What kind of dentist are you?
Dr. King Schultz : [smiles] Ha!
[Schultz fills the beer glasses from the tap]
Dr. King Schultz : Despite that cart, I haven't practiced dentistry in five years. But these days, I practice a new profession...
[Schultz grabs the glasses filled with beer and gives a drink to Django]
Dr. King Schultz : Bounty hunter.
[Schultz sits down with his own glass]
Dr. King Schultz : Do you know what a bounty hunter is?
Django : No.
Dr. King Schultz : Well, the way the slave trade deals in human lives for cash, a bounty hunter deals in corpses.
[Schultz clinks his beer glass to Django's]
Dr. King Schultz : Prost!
Dr. King Schultz : The state places a bounty on a man's head. I track that man, I find that man, I kill that man.
Dr. King Schultz : After I've killed him, I transport that man's corpse back to the authorities. Sometimes that's easier said than done. I show that corpse to the authorities, proving yes, indeed, I truly have killed him, at which point the authorities pay me the bounty. So, like slavery, it's a flesh for cash business.
[Django is hesitating to kill Smitty Bacall]
Dr. King Schultz : [teasing] Ooh. What happened to Mister "I Wanna Shoot White Folks For Money"?
Django : His son's with him.
Dr. King Schultz : Well, good. He'll have a loved one with him. Maybe even share a last word. That's better than most of them get. Damn sight better than he deserves.
[Django still hesitates]
Dr. King Schultz : Put down the rifle.
[Django cocks back the safety and puts the rifle down]
Dr. King Schultz : Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. Let's take out Smitty Bacall's handbill.
[hands it to Django]
Dr. King Schultz : Now, read it out loud. Consider that today's lesson.
Django : [stumbles while reading] "Wanted... dead or alive. Smitty Bacall and the Smitty Bacall G..."
Dr. King Schultz : Gang.
Django : "Gang. For murder and... s-stagecoach ro... robbery. Seven zero-zero-zero..."
Dr. King Schultz : Seven thousand.
Django : Seven...?
Dr. King Schultz : Thousand.
Django : "Seven thousand... dollars for Smitty Bacall, one thousand, and five hundred dollars for each of his... gang m..."
Dr. King Schultz : Mem...?
Django : "Members. Known members of the Smitty Bacall Gang are as follas..."
Dr. King Schultz : Follows.
Django : "Follows. Dandy Michaels, Gerald Nash and..."
Dr. King Schultz : [finishes for him] Crazy Craig Koons.
[points to the portrait on the poster]
Dr. King Schultz : *That* is who Smitty Bacall is. If Smitty Bacall wanted to start a farm at 22, they would never have printed that.
[takes back the handbill]
Dr. King Schultz : But Smitty Bacall wanted to rob stagecoaches, and he didn't mind killing people to do it. Do you want to save your wife by doing what I do? This is what I do. I kill people and sell their corpses for cash. This corpse is worth seven thousand dollars. Now, quit your pussyfooting and shoot him.
[Django shoots Smitty. His son laughs, thinking it a joke]
Smitty's Son : Pa? Pa!
[runs to his father's body]
Dr. King Schultz : Here. You need to keep this Smitty Bacall handbill.
Django : Why?
Dr. King Schultz : It's good luck. You always keep the handbill of your first bounty.