Django Unchained (2012)
Samuel L. Jackson: Stephen
Calvin Candie : Hello. Stephen, my boy!
Stephen : [black house servant exiting the Big House] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my ass. Who dis nigger up on dat nag?
Calvin Candie : Aw, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast? What's the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me? Huh?
Stephen : Oh, yes, sir. I miss you like a hawg miss slop. Like a baby miss mammy titty! I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe! Now, I aks you, who dis nigger on dat nag?
Django : Hey, Snowball. You wanna know my name or the name of my horse, you ask me.
Stephen : Just who the hell you callin' 'Snowball,' hoss boy? I'll snatch yo black ass off dat nag down here in the mud so fast make yo head spin!
Calvin Candie : Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stephen! Stephen! Let's keep it funny. Django here's a freeman.
Stephen : Dis nigger here?
Calvin Candie : That nigger there. Let me at least introduce the two of you. Django, this is a another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here is Django. You two oughta hate each other.
Stephen : Calvin, just who the hell is dis nigger you feel's the need to entertain?
Calvin Candie : Django, and his friend in gray here, Dr. Schultz, are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old, decrepit bastard, you are to show them every hospitality. You understand that?
Stephen : Yes, sir. Him I understands, but I don't know why I got to take lip off dis nigger.
Calvin Candie : You don't have to know why. Do you understand?
Stephen : Yes, sir. I understand.
Calvin Candie : Well, good. They're spending the night. Go open the guest bedrooms and get two ready.
Stephen : [mortified] He gawn stay in the Big House?
Calvin Candie : Stephen. He's a slaver. It's different.
Stephen : In the Big House?
Calvin Candie : Well, you got a problem with that?
Stephen : Aw, naw, naw. I ain't got no problem with it. If you ain't got no problem with burnin' the bed, the sheets, the pillowcase, and everything else when this black-ass motherfucker's gone!
Calvin Candie : That is my problem! They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!
Stephen : Yes, sir, Monsieur Candie.
Calvin Candie : Go on, now.
Stephen : Cain't believe you brought a nigger to stay in the Big House. Yo daddy's rollin' over in his goddamn grave, right now. Brought a nigger to stay with us. What kinda shit is that?
Calvin Candie : Man, the lip on him! Whoo! He's getting worse and worse. Now, WHERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER?
Django : You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you've seen all manner of shit done to niggers but I notice... you didn't mention kneecapping.
[Django shoots Stephen in the kneecap]
Stephen : Oh, God! Motherfucker! Damn it!
Django : Seventy-six years, Stephen. How many niggers you think you seen come and go? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothing but horseshit, but he was right about one thing: I am that one nigger in ten thousand.
[He shoots Stephen in the other kneecap]
Stephen : Oh, you son of a bitch! Oh, you motherfucker! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this nigger!
Stephen : DJANGO! You uppity son of a b...
[Plantation blows up]
Calvin Candie : Dr. Schultz, in Greenville, you yourself said that for the right nigger you'd be willing to pay what some may consider is a ridiculous amount. To which me myself said "What is your definition of ridiculous?" To which you said "$12,000." Now, considering y'all have ridden a whole lot of miles...
[Candie aggressively grabs Broomhilda's head, she whimpers as Django looks on intensively]
Calvin Candie : ... went through a whole lot of trouble...
[Candie continues holding Broomhilda's head, and starts rubbing her face]
Calvin Candie : ... and done spread a whole lot of bull to purchase this lovely lady right here, it would appear that Broomhilda is in fact the right nigger. And if y'all wanna leave Candyland with Broomhilda, the price... is $12,000.
Dr. King Schultz : And I take it you prefer the take it or leave it style of negotiation?
Calvin Candie : [Candie lets go of Broomhila's head] Yes, I do, Doctor. You see, under the laws of Chickasaw County, Broomhilda, here, is my property... and I can choose to do with MY PROPERTY... WHATEVER I SO DESIRE!
[Candie rubs his injured hand and smears the blood all over Broomhilda's face; she shrieks and moans in disgust and fear]
Calvin Candie : And if y'all think my price for this nigger here is too steep, what I'm gonna desire to do is...
[Candie causally sets his cigarette down; he suddenly but quickly picks up his hammer and violently grabs hold of Broomhilda's hair, slamming her face on the dinner table and raising the hammer above her head. Schultz jumps while Django rises up out of his seat]
Calvin Candie : TAKE THIS GODDAMNED HAMMER HERE, AND BEAT HER ASS TO DEATH WITH IT! RIGHT IN FRONT OF BOTH YA'LL! THEN WE CAN EXAMINE THE THREE DIMPLES INSIDE BROOMHILDA'S SKULL! NOW... WHAT'S IT GONNA BE DOC? HUH? WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?
Dr. King Schultz : [Screams back nervously] May I lift my hands off the table in order to remove my billfold?
Calvin Candie : YES, you may!
[Schultz quickly retrieves his wallet out of his pocket and tosses it on the table; Stephen grabs it and starts counting the money]
Stephen : [Nods to Calvin with the cash] That twelve.
[Candie greedily smiles as Stephen drops the cash in front of him]
Calvin Candie : [Lets go of Broomhilda's head and slams the hammer loudly on the table] SOLD... TO THE MAN WITH EXCEPTIONAL BEARD, AND HIS UNEXCEPTIONAL NIGGER!
Calvin Candie : [to Stephen] Stephen, when you get through showing them to their rooms, go fetch Hildi. Get her cleaned up and smellin' real nice and send her over to Dr. Schultz's room.
Stephen : [laughing] Actually, Monsieur Candie sir, there's something I ain't told you about yet.
Calvin Candie : What?
Stephen : Uh, Hildi 'in the hot box.
Calvin Candie : Well what's she doin' there?
Stephen : What you think she doin' there, in the hot box? She been punished!
Calvin Candie : Well what did she do?
Stephen : She run off again.
Calvin Candie : Jesus Christ, Stephen! How many people run away while I was gone?
Stephen : Two.
Calvin Candie : Well when did she go?
Stephen : Last night. They brung her back this morning.
Calvin Candie : How long she been in the box?
Stephen : How long you think she been in there? All damn day! And the little bitch got ten more days to be in there.
Calvin Candie : Take her out.
Stephen : Take her out? Why?
Calvin Candie : Because I said so, that's why! Dr. Schultz is my guest. Hildi is my nigger. Southern hospitality dictates I make her available to him.
Stephen : But Monsieur Candie, she run off.
Calvin Candie : Christ, Stephen! What is the point of having a nigger that speaks German if you can't wheel 'em out when you have a German guest? Now I realize it is an inconvenience! Still, you take her ass out.
Stephen : Yes sir.
[to the Overseers]
Stephen : Ya'll done heard the man! Get her ass up outta there! Go! Get her over there and get her cleaned up and bring her back over here to, uh, Doctor -
Stephen : What did you say your name was? Shoots?
Dr. King Schultz : "Schultz."
Stephen : Schultz.
Stephen : [after Django is recaptured, stripped naked, taken to a barn and chained upside down from the ceiling; Stephen walks in and throws a bag of filthy clothes on the barn floor] You leaving. This here is what you take with you.
[Stephen pulls up a stool and sits in front of the hanging Django]
Stephen : Your black ass is what all them motherfuckers at the Big House could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life was coming up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now, mind you, most of them ideas had to do with fucking with your fun parts. Now, that may seem like a good idea, but the truth is, when you snip a nigga's nuts, most of them bleed out in, oh, about... seven minutes. Most of them.
[Stephen chuckles at the shivering, then-helpless Django]
Stephen : Well, more than most. Then I says, "Shitfire! The niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" And they say, "Let's whip him to death!", or "Throw him to the Mandingos. Feed him to Stonesipher's dogs." And I said, "What's so special about that? We do that shit all the time! Hell's bells, the niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!" Lo and behold, out of nowhere, Miss Laura come up with the bright idea of giving your ass to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company!
[Django just stares at the old man talking to him]
Stephen : And as a slave of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth until the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swingin' a sledgehammer, turnin' big rocks into little rocks. Now, when you get there, they gonna take away your name, give you a number and a sledgehammer, and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cut out your tongue. And they good at it, too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work ya all day, every day 'till your back give out. Then, they're gonna hit you in the head with a hammer, throw your ass down the nigger hole.
[Django looks on]
Stephen : And THAT will be the story of you, Django!
Stephen : [singing] In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore...
Stephen : In the sweet...
Django : [Django appears and starts singing] By and by... Ohhhhhh!
[Stephen, Miss Lara and everybody else in the room jerks up to Django, who is standing on the top balcony lighting candles]
Django : Ya'll gonna be together with Calvin in the "bye-and-bye..."
[Django pauses as Billy Crash walks up]
Django : ... just a bit sooner than ya'll was expecting!
Stephen : You said you ain't know him.
Broomhilda : Huh?
Stephen : I said, "You said you ain't know him."
Broomhilda : I don't.
Stephen : Yes, you do.
Broomhilda : Mister Stephen, I don't.
Stephen : Why is you lying to me?
Broomhilda : [on the verge of tears] I ain't.
Stephen : Then why is you cryin'?
Broomhilda : You scaring me.
Stephen : Why is I'm scarin' you?
Broomhilda : Because you're scary.
Stephen : Hold your fire. Stop shooting, goddammit!
Dr. King Schultz : I can't express the joy I felt conversing in my mother tongue. And Hildi is a charming conversation companion.
Calvin Candie : Well, be careful now, Dr. Schultz. You might have caught yourself a little dose of nigger love. Nigger love's a powerful emotion, boy. It's like a pool of black tar. Once it catches your ass, your caught.
Stephen : Yessir, you stuck!
Lara Lee Candie-Fitzwilly : I don't know, doctor. You can lay on all the German sweet talk you want, but it looks like this pony's got big eyes for Django.
Dr. King Schultz : Well, naturally, it is the soaring eagle that attracts her attention, not the plucked chicken.