6.0/10
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8 user 38 critic

The VelociPastor (2018)

Trailer
1:41 | Trailer
After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Director:

Brendan Steere

Writer:

Brendan Steere
Reviews
2 nominations. See more awards »

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Cast

Credited cast:
Alyssa Kempinski ... Carol
Claire Hsu ... Chinese Villager
Greg Cohan ... Doug Jones (as Gregory James Cohan)
Nicholas M. Garofolo ... Hobo
Aurelio Voltaire ... Altair
Daniel Steere Daniel Steere ... Father Stewart
Jesse Turits Jesse Turits ... Sam the White Ninja
Fernando Pacheco De Castro Fernando Pacheco De Castro ... Frankie Mermaid
Zachary Steere Zachary Steere ... Dinosaur Suit Performer
Jiechang Yang Jiechang Yang ... Wei Chan
Pat Hroncich Pat Hroncich ... Vietnam Soldier 1
Janice Young Janice Young ... Doug's Mom
Kurt Voltmann Kurt Voltmann ... Goliath
Alec Lambert Alec Lambert ... Thug
Dan Rhoades Dan Rhoades ... Vietnam Soldier 2
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Storyline

After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Welcome to the Christ-aceous period. See more »


Parents Guide:

View content advisory »
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Details

Country:

USA | China

Language:

English | Cantonese | Mandarin | Korean

Release Date:

13 August 2019 (USA) See more »

Company Credits

Show more on IMDbPro »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Color:

Color
See full technical specs »
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Did You Know?

Trivia

The film is a feature-length adaptation of a 2011 grind-house trailer by the same director, which was made as a film school project, and went viral. See more »

Quotes

Doug Jones: What is it that you'd like to confess?
Frankie Mermaid: Ah, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? I stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches, do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.
See more »

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User Reviews

 
Pure ridiculous cheese
27 August 2019 | by SciFiandScarySee all my reviews

This was glorious. Pure batsh** cheese. So much better than I could have even hoped for.

Brendan Steere, Alyssa Kempinski, and Greg Cohan are a dino-mite team in The VelociPastor. Pretty much everything about the movie was perfect; if you're a fan of low-budget horror-comedies, it's a must-see. It has everything you could ask for - perfectly timed, groan-worthy lines, props that look like they came from a school play, and actors that embrace every bit of the cheese potential.

This had me roaring with laughter several times. It's the type of movie that, honestly, if you don't look at the poster and go "Oh, my God, I need this" then you need to just back away slowly. It's crude, loud, and ridiculous and amazingly good. Steere manages to bring the feel of the 70s to the screen in the best way. And when you add ninjas and a VelociPastor, really, there's nothing else you dare ask for.

Part of (okay, most of) what makes The VelociPastor so great is that Kempinksi and Cohan (a better-looking version of Benedict Cumberbatch) act the hell out of it. It's stupid cheesy, and yet they manage such solid performances that you can't help but admire them.

Overall, this is a near perfect movie and I (and Sam, who also watched and gave her input here) recommend it to everyone. Lots of action, lots of laughter, lots of fun.

Disclaimer: I received a screening link to this movie from the publicist for review consideration.


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