[Tyrion is brought before Lysa, after asking to confess his crimes]
Lysa Arryn: You wish to confess your crimes?
Tyrion Lannister: Yes, My Lady. I do, My Lady.
Lysa Arryn: [smiles triumphantly] The sky cells always break them! Speak, Imp. Meet your gods as an honest man.
Tyrion Lannister: [meekly] Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. If I close my eyes, I can still see her tits bouncing...
[Bronn and others chuckle]
Tyrion Lannister: When I was ten, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat shit. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was twelve I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald man cry into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel...
[many of the crowd burst out laughing. Lysa explodes in rage, realizing that Tyrion is making fun of her]
Lysa Arryn: Silence!
Robin Arryn: [eagerly] What happened next?
Lysa Arryn: [angrily] What do you think you're doing?
Tyrion Lannister: [innocently] Confessing my crimes.
