Tyrion Lannister: So... you roam the Seven Kingdoms collaring pickpockets and horse thieves and bring them here as eager recruits.
Yoren: Aye. Well, it's not all of 'em's done bad things. Some of 'em's just poor lads looking for steady feed. Some of 'em's highborn lads looking for glory.
Tyrion Lannister: Better chance of finding feed than glory.
Benjen Stark: [walks in] The Night's Watch is a joke to you, is it? Is that what we are, Lannister? An army of jesters in black?
Tyrion Lannister: You don't have enough men to be an army, and aside from Yoren here, none of you are particularly funny.
Benjen Stark: I hope we provided you with some good stories to tell when you're back in King's Landing. That's something to think about when you're drinking your wine down there, enjoying your brothels. Half the boys you've seen training will die north of the Wall. Might be a wildling's axe that gets them. Might be sickness. Might just be the cold. They die in pain... and they do it so plump little lords like you can enjoy their summer afternoons in peace and comfort.
Tyrion Lannister: [to Yoren] Do you think I'm plump?
[Yoren smiles and looks away]
Tyrion Lannister: Listen, Benjen - may I call you Benjen?
Benjen Stark: Call me what you like.
Tyrion Lannister: I'm not sure what I've done to offend you. I have great admiration for the Night's Watch. I have great admiration for you as First Ranger...
Benjen Stark: You know, my brother once told me that nothing someone says before the word "but" really counts.
Tyrion Lannister: But... I don't believe that giants and ghouls and white walkers are lurking beyond the Wall. I believe that the only difference between us and the wildlings is that when that Wall went up, our ancestors happened to live on the right side of it.
Benjen Stark: You're right. The wildlings are no different from us. A little rougher, maybe. But they're made of meat and bone. I know how to track 'em and I know how to kill 'em. It's not the wildlings giving me sleepless nights. You've never been north of the Wall, so don't tell me what's out there.
[Benjen turns to leave]
Yoren: You going below?
[Yoren and Benjen shake hands]
Yoren: Keep well, keep warm.
Benjen Stark: Enjoy the capital, brother.
Yoren: Oh, I always do.
[Benjen walks out]
Tyrion Lannister: I think he's starting to like me.
Eddard Stark: Handsome armor. Not a scratch on it.
Jaime Lannister: I know. People have been swinging at me for years and they always seem to miss.
Eddard Stark: Chosen your opponents wisely, then.
Jaime Lannister: I have a knack for it.
Yoren: Bear's balls.
Tyrion Lannister: Oh, you're joking.
Yoren: And his brains, and his guts, his lungs, and his heart, all fried in his own fat. Well, when you're a hundred miles north of the Wall and you ate your last meal a week ago, you leave nothing for the wolves.
Tyrion Lannister: And how do a bear's balls taste?
Yoren: Bit chewy.
[Tyrion and Yoren laugh]
Yoren: What about you, my lord? What's the strangest thing you've eaten?
Tyrion Lannister: Do Dornish girls count?
[Tyrion and Yoren laugh again]
Robert Baratheon: [as Jaime enters the room] Surrounded by Lannisters. Everytime I close my eyes I see their blonde hair and their smug, satisfied faces. It must wound your pride, huh? Standing out their like a glorified sentry. Jaime Lannister, son of the mighty Tywin... forced to mind the door while your king eats and drinks and shits and fucks. So come on. We're telling war stories. Who was your first kill, not counting old men?
Jaime Lannister: One of the outlaws in the brotherhood.
Barristan Selmy: [to Jaime] I was there that day. You were only a squire, 16 years old.
Jaime Lannister: [to Selmy] You killed Simon Toyne with a counter riposte. Best move I ever saw. A good fighter, Toyne, but he lacked stamina.
Robert Baratheon: Your outlaw... any last words?
Jaime Lannister: I cut his head off, so... no.
Barristan Selmy: Hmm.
Robert Baratheon: What about Aerys Targaryen? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back? I never asked. Did he call you a traitor? Did he plead for a reprieve?
Jaime Lannister: He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours... "Burn them all".
[Robert gapes at Jaime]
Jaime Lannister: If that's all, Your Grace...
[Jaime bows to Robert and Selmy, then leaves the room]
Syrio Forel: [to Arya] All men are made of water, do you know this? If you pierce them, the water leaks out and they die.
Jaime Lannister: It must be strange for you... coming into this room. I was standing right here when it happened. He was very brave, your brother. Your father too. They didn't deserve to die like that. Nobody deserves to die like that.
Eddard Stark: But you just stood there and watched.
Jaime Lannister: Five hundred men just stood there and watched. All the great knights of the Seven Kingdoms. You think anyone said a word, lifted a finger? No, Lord Stark. Five hundred men and this room was silent as a crypt. Except for the screams, of course, and the mad king laughing. And later... when I watched the mad king die, I remembered him laughing as your father burned... it felt like justice.
Eddard Stark: Is that what you tell yourself at night? You're a servant of justice? That you were avenging my father when you shoved your sword in Aerys Targaryen's back?
Jaime Lannister: Tell me: if I'd stabbed the mad king in the belly instead of the back, would you admire me more?
Eddard Stark: You served him well when serving was safe.
Cersei Lannister: A good king knows when to save his strength and when to destroy his enemies.
Maester Aemon: The Starks are always right eventually; winter is coming. This one will be long and dark things will come with it... When winter does come, gods help us all if we're not ready!
Cersei Lannister: When Aerys Targaryen sat on the Iron Throne, your father was a rebel and a traitor. Someday, you'll sit on the throne, and the truth will be what you make it.
Joffrey Baratheon: [about Sansa] Do I have to marry her?
Cersei Lannister: Yes, she's very beautiful, and young... and if you don't like her, you only need to see her on formal occasions, and when the time comes, to make little princes and princesses... and if you'd rather fuck painted whores, you'll fuck painted whores. And if you'd rather lie with noble virgins, so be it. You are my darling boy, and the world will be exactly as you want it to be.
Jaime Lannister: I think we can outfox a ten year old.
Cersei Lannister: And my husband?
Jaime Lannister: I'll go to war with him if I have to... they can write a ballad about us, "The War for Cersei's Cunt!"
[Cersei slaps Jaime. He chuckles, and she tries to slap him again, but he grabs her arm and holds her from behind, firmly but gently]
Cersei Lannister: Let me go...
Jaime Lannister: Never.
Cersei Lannister: Let me go...
Jaime Lannister: [whispers reassuringly in Cersei's ear] The boy won't talk. And if he does, I'll kill him, Ned Stark, the king, the whole bloody lot of them until you and I are the only people left in this world.
[Cersei and Jaime quietly sink into a loving embrace]
[a crow lands in the window]
Old Nan: Don't listen to it. Crows are all liars. I know a story about a crow.
Bran Stark: I hate your stories.
Old Nan: I know a story about a boy who hated stories. I could tell you about Ser Duncan The Tall, those were always your favorites.
Bran Stark: Those weren't my favorites. My favorites were the scary ones.
Old Nan: Oh my sweet summer child, what do you know about fear? Fear is for the winter, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep. Fear is for the long night, when the sun hides for years and children are born and live and die, all in darkness. That is the time for fear, my little lord, when the white walkers move through the woods. Thousands of years ago there came a night that lasted a generation. Kings froze to death in their castles, same as the shepherds in their huts. And women smothered their babies rather than see them starve, and wept and felt the tears freeze on their cheeks. So is this the sort of story you like?
Old Nan: In that darkness, the white walkers came for the first time. They swept through cities and kingdoms, riding their dead horses, hunting with their packs of pale spiders big as hounds...
[the door opens and Robb enters]
Viserys Targaryen: You dare? You give commands to me? To me? You do not command the dragon. I'm lord of the Seven Kingdoms. I don't take orders from savages or their sluts. Do you hear me?
Petyr Baelish: Ah, the Starks! Quick tempers, slow minds.
Robert Baratheon: Yes, its been a long time. But I still remember every face. You remember your first?
Barristan Selmy: Of course, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: Who was it?
Barristan Selmy: A Tyroshi. Never learned the name.
Robert Baratheon: Hmm. How did you do it?
Barristan Selmy: Lance through the heart.
Robert Baratheon: Quick one. Lucky for you. Mine was some Tarly boy at the Battle of Summerhall. My horse took an arrow so I was on foot, slogging through the mud. He came running at me, the dumb high-born lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with a single swing of his sword. I knocked him down with the hammer. Gods, I was strong then. Caved in his breastplate. Probably shattered every rib he had. Stood over him, hammer in the air. Right before I brought it down he shouted, "Wait! Wait".
[Robert chuckles to himself]
Robert Baratheon: They never tell you how they all shit themselves. They don't put that part in the songs. Stupid boy. Now the Tarly's bend the knee like everyone else. He could have lingered on the edge of the battle with the smart boys, and today his wife would be making him miserable, his sons would be ingrates, and he'd be waking three times in the night to piss into a bowl.
Eddard Stark: Look at me. You're a Stark of Winterfell. You know our words.
Arya Stark: Winter is coming.
Benjen Stark: [to Jon] You're no ranger. Here, a man gets what he earns, when he earns it.
Benjen Stark: We've been receiving disturbing reports.
Jon Snow: What kind of reports?
Benjen Stark: The kind I don't want to believe.
Tyrion Lannister: Never forget what you are, the rest of world will not. Wear it like an armor and it can never be used to hurt you.