New Girl (TV Series 2011–2018) Poster


Zooey Deschanel: Jess Day



  • Jess : [to Nick]  I brought something from school that reminds me of you.

    [pulls out a stick] 

    Jess : It's a feeling stick. Whoever is holding the feeling stick has permission to say whatever he or she is feeling without being judged. I'll go first. Um, I feel like I want to know what you're feeling.

    Nick Miller : [walks over and breaks the stick] 

    Jess : Believe it or not, that is not the first time someone has broken my feeling stick.

    [pulls out another stick] 

    Jess : I have a travel size.

  • Nick Miller : Jess has absolutely lost her mind.

    Jess : I have not lost my mind! I'm just scared.

    Nick Miller : Would you trust me? You're gonna be fine. You're gonna meet somebody and fall in love and then before you know it you're gonna

    [makes popping sounds] 

    Jess : With who, Nick? Who's gonna lay a flag down on this sweet, sweet continent?

    Schmidt : I'll man up. But I must warn you, Jess - I don't have sperms. I have tadpoles. Of the gods. And I'm gonna give 'em to you. You can have 'em all for all I care. That's how much I love you. I feel your pain in this situation. I want you to have babies. Take my sperms.

    Winston Bishop : No. It should be me, Jess.

    Jess : [baffled]  What?

    Winston Bishop : With your big, beautiful blue eyes and my Blair Underwood-like skin, we'd have the most beautiful baby the world has ever seen.

    Schmidt : He's not wrong. It could get into any school it wants.

    Jess : To be clear, I haven't asked any of you to impregnate me. I think it's important that's been said.

    Nick Miller : Good. 'Cause it's definitely not me.

    Jess : Cause it's definitely not you.

    Nick Miller : I would love that little baby with all my heart. Even if I did show it by picking him up from school in my underwear and hitting on the crossing guard.

  • Jess : A no-nail oath? You thought I was gonna sleep with one of you, like I just couldn't help it?

    Nick Miller : It was me, Jess. I couldn't help it.

  • Nick Miller : You're a freaking gold digger, Jess!

    Jess : Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world!

  • Jess : Nick kissed me!

    Cece : What!

    Jess : I've got to tell Sam. I can't tell Sam! I didn't even do anything wrong! Nick kissed *me*; I didn't even kiss him back! Okay, fine! I kissed him back! Is that what you want me to say?

    Cece : I literally haven't said a word for, like, over an hour.

    Jess : And now he won't even talk to me! 'Cause I saw him this morning and he just panicked moon-walked away from me.

    Cece : He what?

    Jess : He does that sometimes. And then... Ha! Nick just... He just... He just...

    Cece : Kisses you.

    Jess : Stupid Nick Miller!

    Cece : How was it? Was it...?

    Jess : I was like Scarlett O'Hara in my freaking curtain dress.

    Cece : Yeah, but *how* did he do it?

    Jess : He just, like, grabbed me. And he just took me. I mean, he was a man and I was a woman. It was firm, but tender.

    Cece : Damn.

    Jess : Yeah I saw through space and time for a minute but that's not the point!

  • Nick Miller : [doing an exercise at the Indian convention]  Jess, you liked kissing me. It's fine to say that.

    Jess : No, I didn't.

    Nick Miller : I'm not on my knee asking you to marry me; it was a nice kiss.

    Jess : You were like a dog and my mouth was like a bowl full of dog... milk!

    Nick Miller : It was like a damn fairytale, that kiss! It was the kiss of your life!

    Jess : Are you serious, Nick?

    Nick Miller : And you have to take a little responsibility, tarting around in that little soft pink robe, not expecting to get kissed.

    Jess : Tarting around?

    Nick Miller : I'm a man, Jessica! Pink robes are my catnip.

    Anu : And we have a winning couple!

    Jess , Nick Miller : We are not a couple!

  • Nick Miller : [Nick walks in to see Jess packing kitchen appliances into a garbage bag]  Whoa, whoa, Jess! What are you doing? That's my ketchup collection.

    Jess : This fertility website says I need to get rid of anything with toxins.

    Nick Miller : Did you put the microwave in the trash?

    Jess : Yes.

    Nick Miller : Why would you do that?

    Jess : Microwaves zap things!

    [they argue] 

    Nick Miller : It's what makes burritos delicious!

    Jess : You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?

    Nick Miller : You're puttin' me in a tough spot.

  • Jess : Schmidt! Hey! My best friend? You Long Island street trash!

    Schmidt : Dammit, Nick! You told her?

    Jess : No he didn't tell me! I-I happened upon it!

    Schmidt : Oh, you happened upon it? Where, in the town square?

    Nick Miller : Jess, I swear I never wanted to be involved in this. You're so pretty.

    Jess : Put your freaking visor down.

    [turns to Schmidt] 

    Jess : Now you will tell Cece or I will, you... you crumb bum!

    Schmidt : Jess...

    Jess : You crumb bum!

    Schmidt : Yes, well said.

  • Nick Miller : Jess, are you okay?

    Jess : No! This is the worst thing to ever happen to me. I've lived a very fortunate life!

  • Jess : [high on her medication]  You are a beautiful white man, Nick Miller.

  • Winston Bishop : Why are you standing like that?

    Jess : I always stand like this.

    Winston Bishop : I've never seen you stand like that.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs

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