Admission (2013)

Tina Fey: Portia Nathan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Portia Nathan : What's the secret of getting in? I can't tell you. You'll have to find out for yourself.

• Portia Nathan : You all want to know the secret formula for getting in. To do your job well, an admissions officer must be on the receiving end of an entire nation's application panic, endure the frustration of all the parents who just realized there isn't room for every organically-fed, well-tutored offspring. Of course everyone thinks we're sadists, that we like saying no. We are in this job for one reason, to say yes.

• Portia Nathan : So, who likes breasts? Mark loves breasts. The more the merrier. In fact, why don't I just put this aside for him for when he gets home. So, who likes legs? Well, Mark likes legs. Who likes assholes? I guess that's me.

• Portia Nathan : [to Susannah]  What the hell, Mom? Put the gun down!

• John Pressman : Do you think you have a room for one more in your life?

  Portia Nathan : One more what?

  John Pressman : One more... person.

  Portia Nathan : [misunderstanding that John is talking about himself]  Oh John, that's *so* sweet. But, uh, you seem like a great guy, too. And you can handle an *axe* and you have a very nice nose in your... face, but I have a long-term boyfriend. Long, long, long term. And, you know, we are happy. We're very happy. We're so... happy. It's... woah. Wow! Happy is one of those words that if you say it a lot, it loses its meaning.

• Portia Nathan : You may have built schools in third world countries and cleaned contaminated water from villages, but you have never tried to get a kid into Princeton.

  John Pressman : Neither have you.

  Portia Nathan : *I am not trying.* I am an admissions officer. I am just helping *you* try, as I would with any outstanding student who may have been overlooked. There's nothing improper going on here.

  [John winks at Porcia] 

• Nelson : Hey, Porcia!

  Portia Nathan : Yes.

  Nelson : Are you gonna be my mom?

  Portia Nathan : What! No. Shhhh!

  [Puts her finger on her mouth] 

  Nelson : Just messin with ya.

  Portia Nathan : [exhales]  Right. Go back to sleep.

  Nelson : Guess you're not so boring after all.

  [Porcia blows a raspberry]