Dwight Schrute: [Deleted scene; reading poem] Mother Earth by Dwight Kurt Schrute. The water runs, the Sun will glint, this is our environment. The Hay King steps upon the ground. He wields a giant man-sword 'round. He penetrates Mother Earth once, twice, again and again and again and again for all he's worth Pounding into her soft warm dirt. Her lips quivering, mounds shaking in ecstasy and sudden relief. Thank you.
Stanley Hudson: Yes, I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream for equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and launch that lighthouse into space.
Dwight Schrute: Every fall growing up, my Uncle Eldred used to build a maze out of hay bales for us kids to play in. We called it Hay Place. Eldred called it Hay World, eventually lawyers were brought in. That's all behind us. Hay Place lives on!
Toby Flenderson: [Deleted scene] When Ryan came here, uh, you really idealized him.
Michael Scott: No, just the opposite. I thought he was the coolest kid I ever saw.
Dwight Schrute: Did I truck three hundred bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.
Ryan Howard: Hey, I'm Wuphf.
Michael Scott: I'm Facebook.
Ryan Howard: What's up, Facebook?
Michael Scott: I sent you a Facebook message yesterday, I still haven't heard anything back.
Ryan Howard: You should have sent me a Wuphf.
Michael Scott: A what?
Ryan Howard: When you send a Wuphf, it goes to your home phone, cell phone, email, Facebook, Twitter and home-screen, all at the same time. Wuphf!
Michael Scott: Wuphf.com!
Michael Scott: The world sends people your way. Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is, you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. Jim, that guy is an Ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my Old Maid. Oscar is my Queen. That's easy. Give me a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the Instruction Card you throw away, Pam is a solid 7, and you know, Ryan is probably like a 2. Sometimes 2s can be wild, so watch out. And I'm obviously the Joker. So...
[He hears noises from the phone and fax machine]
Michael Scott: That's, uh...
FAX Voice: Wuphf from Ryan Howard: Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.
Michael Scott: Thank God.
Jo Bennett: [Audio from audiobook CD] The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled aside her and said you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat.
[Jim skips to another part of the book]
Jo Bennett: The next time I saw David Geffen at the Buffalo Club, I love you, you gay bastard, I said.
[Jim picks out the audio clip of gay bastard so he can make it sound like Gabe]
Dwight Schrute: [the power shut off; cold opening] Uh-oh. Ok, ok, nobody panic! Listen up, listen up!
[Dwight uses a flashlight close to his face]
Dwight Schrute: Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for fourteen days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.
Michael Scott: [the power went back on] My bad. Space Heater and Fan were both on high, plugged into the same outlet. So...
Jim Halpert: Um... it's saying the server went down? Does anybody know that password? 'Cause otherwise, we can't do any work.
Michael Scott: Uh... try password.
Jim Halpert: Nope.
Dwight Schrute: Try 000000.
Jim Halpert: No.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, now try 000001.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I'm not doing every number.
Pam Beesly: Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up?
Michael Scott: Uh... it was like, eight years ago?
Pam Beesly: Lord of the Rings stuff? I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things that were happening at the time.
Erin Hannon: Everyone was getting their driver's license.
Jim Halpert: Why don't we just call the IT guy who set it up? What's the name of the guy in glasses again?
Michael Scott: Okay, moving backwards our IT guys have been... Glasses, Turban, Earhair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge and Fatso. I think Lozenge was the one who installed it.
Andy Bernard: I got it. Try, um...
Michael Scott: You know what? It made me laugh but Pam got really offended.
Kevin Malone: Big boobs.
Meredith Palmer: Drama queen?
Angela Martin: Nosy?
Pam Beesly: You're typing big boobs?
Jim Halpert: I'm trying everything.
Dwight Schrute: Try big boobs with a z.
Jim Halpert: That's...
[the password got accepted]
Jim Halpert: the password. We're in.
[the crew cheered]
Michael Scott: The important thing is, this kept us secure, people.
Michael Scott: Excuse me, everyone. SEX! Now that I have your attention...
Stanley Hudson: You don't have our attention.
Michael Scott: MONEY!
Stanley Hudson: I'm listening.
Kevin Malone: You had me at sex.
Michael Scott: Pervert.
Phyllis Vance: You have all of our attentions just by screaming anything.
Michael Scott: That's good to know. AAAAH!
Pam Beesly: What do you want to say, Michael?
Michael Scott: Wuphf!
Darryl Philbin: Consider it a wuphf in person.
Andy Bernard: You're doing the wrong thing. You're going to lose Michael's investment, you're going to lose ours.
Darryl Philbin: You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back! Tell Mike to sell!
Andy Bernard: If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell.
Ryan Howard: I'm betting on myself.
Stanley Hudson: It's a bad bet.
Michael Scott: Hello.
Ryan Howard: Hey. It's an ambush here. Nobody here believes in this company. Will you tell them they are wrong?
Darryl Philbin: It's not that we don't believe in the company, we don't believe in you.
Andy Bernard: All in those in favor of selling, say aye.
[the four investors say aye]
Michael Scott: I... do not agree to see, which is to say nay.
Darryl Philbin: What is wrong with you? What happened to you in high school?
Stanley Hudson: Michael, are you that blind?
Michael Scott: I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is. He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend. And he's also clever. And he shoots incredibly high, and he may just make it. But you know what? Even if he doesn't, I would rather go broke betting on my people, than get rich all by myself, on some island like a castaway. And there is no middle ground.
Andy Bernard: You're gonna lose all of our money.
Michael Scott: Only if he fails. And you know what? Ryan, I believe in you. Just like I believe in all of you. You have nine days to save everybody's money.
Ryan Howard: Oh... Uh, That's a lot of pressure. I'm gonna need some more time.
Michael Scott: You can't have it.
Ryan Howard: Okay. I won't let you down.
Jim Halpert: Oh, nice, wasting time, here we go.
Meredith Palmer: Hey, back off. It's Solitaire.
Creed Bratton: Hey, kid. Hear you're looking for work.
Jim Halpert: Talk to me.
Creed Bratton: How far can you reach those lovely, long arms of yours?
[Jim stretches his arms]
Creed Bratton: Eh, put 'em down. How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours?
[Jim holds his breath]
Creed Bratton: Good.
Gabe Lewis: Hey, Jim? Are you distracting these people?
Creed Bratton: We're working.
Gabe Lewis: Can you at least try to look busy?
Gabe Lewis: [Last lines] Gabe Lewis.
Jo Bennett: [Edited audio by Jim Halpert plays] Now, listen here, Gabe. You're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. I made some changes to my book. See if you like them.
Gabe Lewis: Well, Jo...
Jo Bennett: Now, I love reading and I hate being interrupted. Shut up and listen, you gay bastard. Chapter One: I was born, not into luxury, nor poverty.
[Gabe looks through the book book]
Jo Bennett: But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord. My father was a man. That's all we can know. After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me. I would ride up Magnolia Street and down Azalea Lane. Which would later become my...
Jim Halpert: [Jim comes into Gabe's office] All right, good night, Gabe. Just wanted to say thanks again. 'Cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! Sorry.
Jo Bennett: I've always been a fighter. And Fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, the first being a hard...