Piranha 3DD (2012)
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The whole movie was more like a spoof, and somehow I felt Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames and of course The Hoff all added to the fun. The Hoff in particular was great. His role really suited him. He also had a bit more screen time than I would've thought.
I didn't see this in 3D, and I'm not sure if that would've changed my rating. There was a fair bit of gratuitous nudity, but I suppose the gratuitous gore balances that out.
So if you find gratuitous blood, body parts and boobs (and screaming) hilarious, this movie is worth a look over a beer and popcorn. And if you don't like it, it will be over before you know it.
In Cross Lake, Merkin County, the greedy Chet (David Koechner) opens The Big Wet Water Park against the will of his stepdaughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker). When the van of her friends Travis (Paul James Jordan) and Ashley (Meagan Tandy) is found in the water and the couple is missing, Maddy and her friend Shelby (Katrina Bowden) miss them and they talk on a wooden deck on the lake; out of the blue, they are attacked by piranhas.
Maddy visits the specialist in piranhas Mr. Carl Goodman (Christopher Lloyd) with her former school friend Barry (Matt Bush), who works at The Big Wet, and with her former boyfriend, Deputy Kyle (Chris Zylka), and they discover piranhas in the lake. However Chet refuses to shutdown his water park and soon his costumers are under the attack of the fearful piranhas.
I saw "Piranha 3DD" on DVD and I found it a gross and funny B-Movie, with stupid but hilarious characters. The director knows the B-movie formula, with teats and beautiful girls. Christopher Lloyd has become stereotyped as the mad scientist in American comedies in the end of his career. The uncredited Ving Rhames afraid of the water and shooting with his leg is comical. But David Hasselhoff steals the movie making fun of himself as the most famous lifeguard of all times. If you shutdown your brain, you will certainly enjoy this movie. My vote is six.
Title (Brazil): "Piranha 2" ("Piranha 2")
Performances that range from embarrassing to "oh my god what was that?" Visual effects that set the digital revolution back about ten years. Some of the worst one liners in the recent history of cinema and a silly extended but unfunny cameo from the Hoff himself.
All this negative criticism is coming from someone who rated the first one an eight, but the director here seems to have fallen asleep in his chair and forgotten to pen a halfway decent script. A handful of pre-pubescent boys out there may find the barrage of boobs enough to sustain its scant 80 odd minutes - I didn't! Utter garbage!
Trust me, if you don't want to see senseless killing, you may think of something else to do. Anything but this. Next they will come up with Piranha-3. And to extend the series further, someone on phone will claim that Piranhas can talk or fly or can change shapes or whatever. Time to wrap this up. I don't think this subject can get downhill anymore than it already has.
Why is this movie so bad? Let's start with the plot - there is none. If you can buy the premise that piranhas are going to go in underground lakes and somehow end up in a water park swimming, well then I have a bridge to sell you as well. The characters are all terrible. The one couple in the van early on exists only to die, no other purpose, no even attempted development. Yet later we see other characters mourning their disappearance, only it's forgotten 5 minutes later. The one scene that people will probably remember involves a girl that had a piranha swim up her lady parts (and somehow survive) only to bite her boyfriend's penis during intercourse. Trying to be inventive there, but really just shows the lack of any restraint with this movie. But even if you think the plot and acting are atrocious, at least there will be good gore, right? Wrong. The gore effects can be described in one word: cheap. The special effects with the piranhas are terrible too - you wonder where they spent $20 million on this movie. Not to mention, the inevitable massacre scene is shot so poorly that it has zero coherence and lacks any punch. It looks like they just poured some red dye in the pool and hired a few extras to flop around. The massacre scene in the first film had some of the best gore effects I'd ever seen. This is a joke of a follow-up.
So which actors disgraced themselves for a paycheck? There is a cameo by David Hasselhoff where he's basically mocking himself, but you have to wonder what is going through his head when his character mutters "Welcome to rock bottom." I wonder if the irony is lost on this man. David Koechner is just obnoxious and terrible. Jerry O'Connell played this type of character way better in the first film. Every time Koechner was on screen, I was just wanting him to get killed off already.
And also surprisingly, we don't even get any good nudity. All the extras they hired for this movie look like washed up strippers. None of the cute female leads goes topless. Maybe they ran out of budget and couldn't pay them enough to do it.
I have a feeling that 95% of the people involved in this film will ever have meaningful work in Hollywood again (thankfully). Don't waste your time.
The majority of the action takes place in and around The Big Wet, a water park where big-breasted women go free, and where a special 'adults only' area allows for naked bathing (meaning that the film is packed with gratuitous female nudity from start to finish, with most of the nekkidness coming courtesy of surgically enhanced strippers, judging from all the 'tramp stamps' on display). In an attempt to keep costs down, unscrupulous owner Chet (David Koechner) intends to fill the park with water pumped from an underground lake, unaware that it is teeming with voracious prehistoric piranha. Chet's tasty step-daughter Maddy (gorgeous Danielle Panabaker) and park employee Barry (Matt Bush) realise the danger, but are too late to stop the carnage.
From the opening scene in which a dead cow farts piranha eggs and Gary Busey gets chewed to pieces, to the gore drenched finale that features the best 'severed-head-between-blood-drenched-surgically-enhanced-breasts' gag ever committed to film, 3DD is unashamedly crass, and all the more entertaining for it. If you thought that things couldn't get more unsophisticated and tasteless than the regurgitated penis from the first film, then think again: in 3DD, a young couple have sex only for the boy to wind up with a piranha chomping on his pecker (giving rise to one of the funniest lines of dialogue in the film: 'Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina').
Director John Gulager, who also gave us the fun Feast films, clearly has a blast throwing as much lunacy on the screen, and his game cast all join in on the fun no matter how insane it all gets: Ving Rhames trying to overcome his fear of water is laugh-out-loud, a fat park employee humping a water outlet and getting a fish stuck up his ass is highly immature but very funny, David Hasselhoff sending himself up something rotten is simply legendary, and the final unexpected death is awesome! What a shame that so many viewers—people clearly in need of a stickuptheassectomy—have failed to embrace the silliness.
It's really no surprise that an influx of gratuitous nudity, celebrity cameos (as game and often ironically funny as they often are) and heaps of sheer camp can do little to raise Piranha 3DD to the level of its predecessor. It's even less mysterious as to how populating this film with jerks, ditsy bitches and pure morons (who are seemingly all bipolar judging by their mood, rationalizing and motivations) fail to make for a compelling B-movie.
Of course we expect these human-shaped hunks of piranha fodder to make poor decisions for the sake of crimson water, but when it seems like the writers are intentionally trying to craft most of these individuals with the IQ of water-logged bait worms, it comes off more as insulting.
A year has passed since the massacre at Lake Victoria, and following an eradication campaign that led to the complete and utter contamination of the water, the town's tourist industry has been likewise extinguished. But to paraphrase Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "life finds a way" and a newly evolved school of prehistoric nasties has managed to elope to another nearby lake, which unlucky for its inhabitants, supplies the local water park called "The Big Wet." Oh and in case you were even going to ask, these piranha have mutated to thrive in chlorinated water or something, so the attack may, in fact, commence without delay.
Of the things to enjoy in Piranha 3DD, it's bar none the extended cameos from Ving Rhames (complete with a shotgun leg) and a booze-swilling, out-of-shape David Hasselhoff whose self-lampooning is the only effective instance of parody to be found in this sequel. His reluctant "celebrity appearance" at the opening of "The Big Wet" amounts to nearly all of the films involuntary chuckles and his bond with a young boy (which forms because he is the only one who doesn't recognize him as the star from Baywatch) is close to the stuff of comedy gold.
Aside from those fleeting moments of inspiration, Piranha 3DD is missed opportunity after miscalculated set-piece. I mean, if you've managed to devise a scenario where a fish has managed to enter (and live in) a woman's vagina and then manage to overlook the chance to make an "eating out" joke, the filmmakers have failed us all. As far as high camp is concerned, you could certainly find more blasé fare, though that doesn't excuse this film from being an unnecessary sequel that seems to think its audience consists of horny preteens who have never seen a proper parody rather than horror buffs looking for a faithful and lovingly crafted follow-up to Piranha 3D.
This total piece of garbage? Oh, please! I have to dig deep into the Steven Seagal archive to find movies that are equally uninspired. It doesn't work as a horror movie (no suspense!) and it sure as hell doesn't work as a comedy (bad, lame and sick jokes at best!). The worst part is that only after one hour does the movie decide to wanna be a comedy as well. Until then they desperately try to create suspenseful scenes, in which people almost get bitten. It's like saying: "Well, we just can't seem to make it scary. Let's turn it into a travesty. Ideas? Anyone? Say what? A fish inside of her...? And then it bites into his...? Awesome! Let's do this. Quick, guys, before I get sober again!"
Do you know what made the first one good? It packs a brutal punch but still finds the time to tell a story and develop some characters.
3DD fails to deliver on all fronts. Just awful!
Let me put it this way: The director wanted 'Lethal Weapon 2' but out came 'The Naked Gun' instead. Only without ANY quality and no Leslie Nielsen. See what I mean?
Stay clear of this movie!! You were warned!!!
From the outset we're watching a film that has an entirely ethnocentric world view of America . People of the United states are very young , impossibly good looking and incredibly stupid . The only people who aren't are very old , very ugly and very stupid and everyone has a sex drive higher than Mount Everest . This is acceptable if you're good looking and female and totally disgusting if you're not
We're introduced to heroine Maddy and villain Chet her stepfather . We know Maddy is the heroine because her breasts can't be bigger than 34B and are natural unlike 99% of the women featured . One wonders how the other women can swim since their obviously enhanced boobs make it aerodynamically impossible . We know instantly Chet is the villain because he own's 51% of the water-park to Maddy's 49%. That and the fact Chet comes across as so creepy you just want to look him up on the Megan's Law website
And that's the thing about PIRANHA 3-DD . The humour relies on innuendo but it's not the type of naughty but nice innuendo you see in the likes of THE BENNY HILL SHOW but this lazy near the knuckle humour along the lines of " Are you still wet " that wasn't funny to begin with and continues for most of the film , so much so you find yourself very tempted to switch off
What saves the film from being a total disaster is that the final third works very well when we're introduced to David Hasselhoff playing ..... David Hssselhoffa sort of hetrosexual Liberace . The set-piece of the piranha attacking the swimmers at the water-park are very entertaining in a tasteless way . One thing I remember about the Joe Dante original is the lack of internal logic where people wade through the water for no other reason than to be eaten . This is referenced by a woman asking for the Hoff to help and his replying that " They've only got themselves to blame by staying in the water . What'd expect the fish to do ? Follow them home " which had me laughing out-loud while wondering why this type of post modernist wit wasn't employed earlier ?
In short this is a very uneven film . It's trash as so many people have said but some of it is slightly witty , or rather slightly witty in comparison with much of the other humour employed . Being a 3-D movie many scenes merely exist to show the audience that it's a 3-D movie whilst some scenes exist merely to show that America has a monopoly on bikini babes with silicon breasts. Most teenage boys will enjoy it while Jihadists will think it's a gritty documentary about infidels in small town America
Directed by John Gulager, the son of veteran actor Clu Gulager who has a small role in this, I am sure the average person on the street will probably hate Piranha 3DD with it's stupidity, moronic character's, over the top gore, in jokes, film references & downright silliness but I have to say I really liked it & I am 100% serious when I make that statement. Every one of the 80 odd minutes that Pirahna 3DD lasts for is either gory, funny or downright stupid & there's never a dull moment if nothing else. It takes a special kind of person to appreciate a film like Piranha 3DD, I am that kind of person as I found the constant in jokes & references absolutely hilarious, seriously I just found this so funny & during the moments that were supposed to be funny as well. Any scene with David Hasselhoff is just brilliant, he makes fun of himself & his public image seemingly in good humour from a hotel room encounter with two gorgeous twenty something girls to his droll reaction to the carnage at the water-park as he states the obvious when he says 'once these moron's get out of the water the fish are hardly likely to follow them home' to a really funny send up of the Baywatch opening credits just after the closing credits here as a curious little bonus. In fact the film itself lasts for a mere 70 minutes yet the end credits last for 12 minutes with lots of outtakes including what looks like a couple of deleted scenes (the female life guard being strangled on her own whistle cord) & messing around by the cast & crew. The whole film is just so much fun to watch, from the first moments with the farting cow corpse to the scene in which Josh runs around with a Piranha clamped to the end of his penis before castrating himself to the young kid who gets his head bitten off at the very end. The more I think about Piranha 3DD the more I like it. There's plenty of gore although maybe not quite as much as the first & there's plenty of flesh on show with nude swimming pools & lots of horny teens wanting sex. Call me easily pleased but I laughed at the right places, I got just about all the in jokes & film references & enjoyed the film as a whole too as it has a reasonable if not exactly brilliant story, in fact the story is basically the same as the original Piranha (2010) but set in a water-park rather than a big lake & it's considerably more funny.
The special effects are alright, the CGI Piranha look okay but not much else & I can't believe they roar like Lions. Whose decision was that exactly? It's the aspect of Piranha 3DD that I thought ended up really lame. There's some gore here, there's plenty of blood & chewed up bodies, there's another severed penis as in the original & to go with all the blood there's lots of nudity on show. Blood & boobs, what more do you want? There's nothing particularly scary here, there's not much build-up of tension & you can guess what's going to happen but it's still great fun. There are lots of bad taste humour & tastelessness going on, a guy with a flapping Piranha stuck up his bum & the priceless line of dialogue where a woman says 'Josh cut of his penis because something came out of my vagina' which is surely one of the greatest lines ever spoken in a motion picture. Enough said. No-involved in the making of Piranha 3DD is taking it seriously so I suggest that anyone watching it doesn't either & just take it for what it is.
The IMDb says that Piranha 3DD had a budget of about $20,000,000 which it total rubbish, try about half that. Since I am blind in one eye I cannot watch films in 3D so I have no idea how effective it is here. Filmed in Wilmington in North Carolina. The cameos from Christopher Lloyd & Ving Rhames reprising their roles from the original are also pretty funny, especially Rhames & his gun legs which he borough by saving money from 'not buying any socks'! Gary Busey also has a small cameo at the start. The rest of the cast are OK, they were obviously chosen for their looks rather than their acting skills.
Piranha 3DD is a film that the majority of people will hate & despise, of that I have no doubt but for those of us who it was actually made for will probably love it. Sure, it constantly tries to appeal to the lowest common denominator with it's nudity, gore, nastiness & outright silly send-ups & gags but there's no harm in that. Is there?
The sequel to the ever so popular "Piranha 3D" is back, and my Lord it came back with a vengeance. Returning to the big screen with everything we loved about the first film, but with even more substance thrown in to entice new fans of the series as well as keeping us existing ones impressed.
The movie is set 12 months after the tragic events that transpired at Lake Victoria, where at a nearby lake, the first sign of the piranha's return is beckoned upon two unexpected townsfolk, with a disastrous end. Now, by the lake, a new water park called 'Big Wet' is opening up, to uplift the general public who have had a morbid and disconsolate year, and what better way to attract customers than with scantily dressed women? But our main character Maddy, has caught wind of the recent piranha attack, and is in a desperate race against time to stop the piranhas from feasting on the unexpected public. This leads to some edge of your seat moments that leaves you totally immersed.
This is the perfect example of how you don't need a complicated plot to make something great. The casting was perfection. It has all of the recognisable faces such as Danielle Panabaker, Matt Bush and Katrina Bowden. And if these names are not making your jaw hit the floor then the two amazing cameos by Christopher Lloyd and David Hasselhoff certainly will. And let us not forget about the various porn stars scattered around in this movie. You would think that porn actresses can't act to save their lives and they are there for fan service, but this movie has removed this ridiculous stereotype. From the beginning you can sense the raw emotion that these girls are portraying in their characters; from the ecstasy of them enjoying the carefree lifestyle working at the water park, to the anguish they must feel when they see on of their own friends attacked by a ruthless and unforgiving piranha.
And you may be thinking that this adrenaline rush of a movie won't have any character development, but that's where you're wrong. There is a love triangle in this movie that can give 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' a run for its money. (Google it) The conflicts between Kyle (Chris Zylk) an old flame of Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), and Barry (Matt Bush) a childhood friend who was secretly in love with our protagonist Maddy is electrifying; it is very rare to see this much passion in modern cinema these days and provides an enjoyable side story to go with the already fantastic plot.
The visuals in this movie was very simplistic to the point where compared to some other blockbusters out there, it looks like some kid shot it from his blackberry. But this wasn't a bad thing. It shows that the visuals do not need to be excessive, and it proves that you don't need a ridiculous budget to fund flashy FXs to stick in people's mind (Looking at you Avatar). It also doesn't use cheap 3D tricks like a guy sticking his hand towards the screen, but utilises the 3D to truly emerge you into the movie itself. When a piranha jumps out of the water, you can sense the raw ferocity of it as it homes in on its unexpected targets, which could only be provided with the inclusion of 3D.
Walking into the cinema screen, I had very low expectations, but this film has done more than just exceeded them, but made me re-evaluate cinema as a medium. While writing this review I was hard pressed as to what score to give this, as a perfect 10 may not give it justice, to what may be one of the most influential movies of our generation.
So I'd like to advise all movies goers to grab their jackets, match down to the cinema and watch this masterpiece of a movie known as Piranha 3DD.
The only awards the female lead Danielle Panabaker might win for her performance here is an Amber Tamblyn lookalike contest.
Set in the water park equivalent of a strip club with profoundly unlikeable and spectacularly dumb characters the essential hook here is to show naked people (Mostly women) and gore which is not something everyone wants to see together or even separately.
The gross-out factor gets to be pretty intense and for the second one of these movies in a row male genital mutilation is served up for audience approval and that isn't even the most disgusting thing shown.
What we see readily earns this flick its R rating within 10 minutes. There is political incorrectness and then there is Girls Gone Wild out-takes intercut with cheap indie horror. The piranhas look like claymation when you see them up close. You'd expect more from a production with a estimated $20 million budget.
Shot in Wilmington. North Cackalacky is rapidly becoming Hollywood Southeast.
Firstly let me start by saying that the movie has a great pace. Even though its not a long film, everything moves fast giving plenty of action along the way.
Danielle Panabaker is great in the lead role, David Hasslehoff has fun with his cameo and Christopher Llyod laps up his brief screen time.
There's a decent amount of blood and gore but definitely nowhere near as much as the first. Also the scale of the film feels so much smaller then the previous entry you start to think that they released the films in the wrong order!!
But having said that, the film is such fun, just like the first and there is never a dull moment thrown in with some great laughs :)
Taking place one year after the events of the first movie, the movie opens with a cameo from Gary Busey and Clu Gulagar becoming food for Piranhas that come out of a dead but still flatulent cow. Yes, that is the level of humor we are dealing with. Brace yourself, because it gets worse.
The next day, Maddy (Daniel Panabaker) is in a bit of a disagreement with her stepfather Chet (David Koechner) because he's turned the family water park (called "The Big Wet") into a more adult oriented place with strippers as lifeguards. However, the piranha's are back, and headed to the pool via the pipe system. Her friends Barry (Matt Bush) and Kyle (Chris Zykla) must now try to do something to stop the upcoming onslaught-and you can guess how that goes. Meanwhile, Shelby (Katrina Bowden) is ready to lose her virginity, but a baby piranha goes up her...um, lady parts. Also, Ving Rhames, Paul Sheer and Christpher Lloyd return, and David Hasselhoff shows up as himself.
The best word I can think of describing "Piranha 3DD" (ha ha) would be "lazy." The direction by John Gulagar ranges from pedestrian to just plain bad, with murky underwater shots, poor editing and no clue how to direct moments of violence or any of the actors. Here, you have people who have proved themselves to be good to decent actors delivering awful performances, with some (in particular Rhames) seeming to be embarrassed to be there. In their defense, they are working with a script that feels like it was written by 8th graders. This is a movie where people do things that are dumb even by the standards of horror movies, and characters change motivations (Kyle goes from being an alright guy to a total asshole just completely out of the blue) without any attention to consistency.
So, does the humor work? Well, as you can tell from the third paragraph, no. There's one moment that's funny, but most of the movie plays out like something you'd get from a really bad comedy (stuff like "Fired Up!") with gore and female nudity. This is movie that thinks a piranha going up a fat man's ass is great comedy. How about the gore? It's pretty tame compared to the last movie, with the inevitable water park massacre feeling anemic in comparison to the all out slaughter fest of the last movie. Sure, there's decapitations and blood in the water, but it's nothing you haven't seen a billion times before.
Now I know, I know. "It's supposed to be dumb!" you might be saying. Hell, I enjoy dumb entertainment as much as the next guy. This however, is the bad kind of dumb entertainment. The kind that makes no effort whatsoever, and expects you to go along with it because hey man, tits and ass and gore! I'm sorry, but it takes more than that to make a good trashy movie. This is the kind of thing that gives trash a bad name. Being dumb is no excuse for being lazy.
It's really no surprise as to why this didn't get a wide theatrical release and has gotten next to no promotion-it f#@%ing sucks. Everything about this feels like a really bad direct-to-video sequel, and that the studio had no idea what to do with it. This is a movie that's best left avoided. Just watch the previous one, or the original.
All i can say is that i don't want to live on this planet anymore. I don't want to live with middle-aged men with the mentality of a 13 year old perverted kid who gets off peeping at women and drawing boobs. If i want to see gratuitous sex, i'll watch porn. What i want is a scary film, and this ain't it. This doesn't deserve a 1/10, it deserves -100/10.