Despicable Me 2 (2013)
Gru: I'm a father now, with responsibilities, and a legitimate businessman. I'm developing a delicious line of jams and jellies.
Silas: [chuckles] Jams and jellies?
Gru: Oh, attitude. That's right! So thanks, but no thanks. And here's a tip: instead of tasing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt.
Gru: [chuckles sarcastically] Oh yeah, like that's any better.
[after Gru lied about his fear of dating]
Gru: Good night, Edith.
[gives her a good night kiss and gently pulls the beanie over Edith's eyes]
Gru: Good night, Margo.
[gives her a goodnight kiss, but returns in suspicion]
Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the horses. Who are you texting?
Margo: No one. Just my friend Avery.
Gru: Avery? Is that a girl's name or a boy's name?
Margo: Does it matter?
Gru: No. No, it doesn't matter, unless it's a boy!
Agnes: I know what makes you a boy.
Gru: [concerned] Uhh... Oooh... you... do?
Agnes: Your bald head.
Gru: [relieved] Oh... yes.
Agnes: It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare it, and imagine a little chick popping out.
[imitating a chick]
Gru: Good night, Agnes.
[kisses her forehead]
Gru: Never get older.
Jillian: Gru! It's Jillian!
Gru: [whispers; to Agnes] Tell Jillian I'm not here.
Agnes: Gru's not here!
Jillian: Are you sure?
Agnes: Yes, he just told me.
Jillian: [laughs] Agnes, where is Gru?
[Gru zips his lip]
Agnes: He's... putting on lipstick!
[Gru swings his arms wildly, making buzzing sounds]
Agnes: He's... swatting on flies!
[Gru slices his hand beneath his chin]
Agnes: He's... chopping his head off!
[Gru covers his head, groaning loudly]
Antonio: [suave] And my dream is to one day play video games for a living.
Margo: [romantically] Wow.
Margo: You're so complicated.
[the tweens look up and, once seeing Gru, Margo gasps in astonisment]
Gru: [attempts a smile] What is going on here?
Margo: Oh, Gru. Se llama, Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.
Gru: Me llamo-llama-ding dong.
Gru: Who cares? Let's go.
Gru: [to Dr. Nefario] Just because everybody hates it doesn't mean it's not good.
Eduardo: I am not afraid of your jelly guns.
Dr. Nefario: Oh, this ain't no jelly gun, sunshine.
[uses the fart gun on El Macho, knocking him out cold from the stench]
Silas: I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom.
Additional Minions: [giggles] Bottom.
Gru: I'm just chillin' with my guac from my chip hat.
Gru: [in falsetto] It is I, Gru-
Gru: zinkerbell, the most magical faerie princess of all!
Young Boy: [interrupts] How come you're so fat?
Gru: [annoyed] Because my house is made out of candy, and sometimes,
[while hitting boy with wand]
Gru: I eat instead of facing my problems!
Gru: [sprays Jillian with the hose; dryly] I'm sorry, I did not see you there,
[sprays her again]
Gru: or there.
Lucy: [calmly] Don't worry about me, Gru! I'll be fine. I have survived lots worse than this...
Lucy: Okay, that's not entirely true, I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!
Gru: Don't worry, I will get you out of this!
[They both freeze when they see Pollito approach the remote control. They both gasp. Pollito narrows his eyes, then pecks the remote button]
Gru: [morosely] I *really* hate that chicken.
[the rocket launches]
Agnes: [after rehearing for the Mother's Day play] I don't think I should do this.
Gru: Well, what do you mean? Why not?
Agnes: I don't even have a mom.
Gru: Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant and you haven't been in combat.
Gru: The highest honor awarded to Dr. Nefario for your years of service, the 21-fart gun salute!
[21 fart guns fire]
Dr. Nefario: [coughs] Uh, I counted 22.
Gru: I have accepted a new job.
Margo: Whoa! Really?
Gru: Yes, I have been recruited by a top secret agency to go undercover and save the world!
Edith: You're gonna be a spy?
Gru: *That's* right, baby! Gru's back in the game with gadgets and weapons and cool cars! The whole deal!
Edith: [amazed] Awesome!
Agnes: Are you really gonna save the world?
Gru: [coolly] Yes.
[puts on a pair of sunglasses]
Gru: Yes, I am.
Dave: [copies him] Mocha!
Tim: [wearing an old Dutch beard and tie] Cacao!
Stuart: [dresses like Pippi Longstocking] Papadum? Eh,
Additional Minions: Kevin?
Additional Minions: Hm? Tom? Hello!
Additional Minions: Kampai!
Additional Minions: Kampai!
Additional Minions: [Syringe comes down and Tom looks at it smiling] Huh? Kampai!
Additional Minions: [Tom hits the syringe with a banana and then injected and turns into a purple minion] Bah!
Additional Minions: Pfft HAHAHAHAHA
[Is injected by another syringe]
Additional Minions: Ohh.
Margo: Hey, what celebrity do you look like?
Gru: Uh, Bruce Willis.
Margo: Mmm, no.
Agnes: Humpty Dumpty!
Edith: Ooh, Gollum!
Lucy: Mr Gru?
Gru: [stammering] Wha... I didn't... Wha... yes?
Lucy: [takes off her sunglasses] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.
[shows her AVL credentials; noticing she shows her ID-card upside-down]
[giggles, then clears her throat]
Lucy: [seriously] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.
Gru: Oh, sorry, I...
[takes his freeze ray out of his polo and fires it]
Gru: Freeze Ray!
[At the same moment, Lucy pulls out a retractable flamethrower, blocking the ray of ice]
Lucy: [puts her flamethrower back in and gently pulls a lipstick-like weapon out of her purse] You know, you really should announce your weapons *after* you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example...
[fires the weapon at Gru, making him drop his freeze ray and flail though some weird movements before finally passing out]
Lucy: [sing-song voice] Lipstick taser!
Lucy: [to herself] I choose Gru.
[to the stewardess]
Lucy: I choose Gru!
[runs to the plane's emergency hatch and opens it]
Lucy: Thank you, Gru-stewardess!
Flight Attendant: You're welcome!
[Lucy jumps out of the plane and presses the clasp of her purse, which turns into a hang glider, parasailing off in search of Gru]
Lucy: What is wrong with that chicken? Hey, that pollo es loco.
Lucy: [Tied to a rocket] Oh, hey, Gru! Turns out you were right about the whole El Macho thing, huh?
Agnes: Eat jelly, you purple freaks!
[Agent Lucy sends Gru, completely soaked and with a starfish stuck to his head, out of the car trunk of her spy car]
Gru: [weakly] Pins and needles!
[arriving at the Cinco de Mayo party]
Gru: Okay, let's party! But first, let's go over the rules. Because what is fun without the rules?
[looks at Agnes, whose arms and mouth are already full of churros]
Gru: Agnes, easy on the churros.
[looks at Edith, practicing with her sword]
Gru: Edith, try not to kill anyone.
Edith: [salutes] Hai!
[sees she is already cozy with Antonio]
Antonio: Hello, Mr. Gru.
[after meeting Margo, Edith, and Agnes]
Gru: Ha-ha... kids, they're funny.
Lucy: Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad.
Gru: Huh... I am pretty fun.
Edith: Can I be the first to say "eww"?