The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Can't Touch This/Hard Boiled Eggy (2010)

Jeff Bennett: Kowalski, Computer, Chameleons

Quotes 

• Kowalski : He's putting on an adorably phoney British accent.

  Skipper : Just like the Private.

  Private : Phoney? This is how I really talk!

  Skipper : Sure it is... guv'na.

• Skipper : Men, I have here a fresh scarlet snapper, and it's yours for the taking. All you have to do is come and get it.

  Private : But Skipper, the floor's covered with mousetraps.

  Skipper : Razor-sharp observation there, young Private.

  Kowalski : This will complicate fish acqusition.

  Skipper : This snapper goes to whoever has the wits, the cunning, and the agility...

  [Rico just rushes through and takes the fish, covered in mousetraps] 

  Skipper : Or Rico. It goes to Rico.

• Skipper : What I mean is this dangerous penguin business, and you are not ready, period. Or possibly even exclamation point. Kowalski, punctuation options.

  Kowalski : I suggest the Spanish inverted. ¡Muy fuerte!

• Kowalski : Well, I call that mission accomplished. So, what do we do with the rest of our day?

  Private : Oh! We could get temporary tattoos, and, um, motocycle club nicknames.

  Rico : Vroom! Vroo-vroo-vroom, vroom!

  Kowalski : I'll be Bobby Thunderskull!

  Skipper : All in favor of Private's tattoos and nicknames plan say...

  Maurice : [offscreen]  Waaugh!

  Kowalski : Waaugh! Um... we should probably do something.

• Mother Duck : Oh, dancing. That's safe. You cured my baby!

  Kowalski : Yes, we can definitely state that Eggy no longer wants to be a penguin... and may the world forgive us!

• Skipper : Men, I need options. And not our regular options. The options we bust out for special guests.

  [Rico barfs out a balloon] 

  Skipper : I admire your moxie, Rico, but I think we should save the victory party until after.

  Kowalski : Skipper, I think what Rico means is to rub the balloon on Randy's coat to create a static charge that will prove most shocking.

  Rico : Yep-a-doodle!

  Skipper : Oh, well then, go for it.

• Skipper : Exercise complete.

  Kowalski : As I suspected. A stuffed bunny.

  Skipper : Yes, but why didn't you hit it?

  Kowalski : What? But it's...

  Private : We thought this was an exercise on where to apply force.

  Skipper : Oh, it was.

  [a crossbow pops out of the bunny] 

  Private : How did you get a crossbow inside...

  Skipper : I know a man in Havana. He doesn't ask questions, and neither do I.