Sheldon Cooper: Yes?
Leonard: I'm Leonard Hofstadter. I called you about the apartment and you said to come by...
Sheldon Cooper: I know what I said. I know what you said. I know what my mother said on March 5, 1992. What is the sixth noble gas?
Sheldon Cooper: You said you were a scientist. What is the sixth noble gas?
Sheldon Cooper: Are you asking me or telling me?
Leonard: Telling you?
[Sheldon glares at him]
Leonard: Telling you.
Sheldon Cooper: All right. Next question. Kirk or Picard?
Leonard: That's tricky... Original Series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
Sheldon Cooper: Correct. You have passed the first barrier to roommatehood. You may enter.
Sheldon Cooper: If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting five seconds from now.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, that was disappointing.
Sheldon Cooper: We agree to reserve Friday nights to watch Joss Whedon's brilliant new show Firefly.
Leonard: Does that really need to be in the agreement?
Sheldon Cooper: We might as well settle it now. It's going to be on for years.
Sheldon Cooper: What are you sitting on?
Howard Wolowitz: I can't speak for these guys, but I'm sitting on my tushie. It's a joke.
Leonard: Not a good idea.
Raj Koothrappali: Tushie is buttocks, right?
Howard Wolowitz: Right.
Raj Koothrappali: Hilarious!
Sheldon: That's not an apology; that's simply an acknowledgement that I was right!
Leonard: Okay, I'm sorry.
Sheldon: There you go.
Leonard: [Flashback] Hi. Excuse me. I'm looking for Sheldon Cooper's apartment.
Sebastian: Oh. I bet you're here to check out the room for rent.
Sebastian: Run away dude.
Sebastian: Run fast, run far.
Leonard: [Present day] That should have been my first clue.
[a large, black man in a dress]
Leonard: Dr. Cooper?
Louie: No, you want the crazy guy across the hall.
Leonard: [Present day] In retrospect, that was clue number two.
Leonard: According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
Sheldon Cooper: But you didn't notify me by e-mail first, so it's still a breach.
Leonard: I did notify you.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you did, did you?
[Checks his Palm Pilot]
Sheldon Cooper: Drat! Hoisted by my own spam filter.
Leonard: What am I doing in your spam folder?
Sheldon Cooper: I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled "This is funny."
Leonard: So, I did something stupid. I'm sure you did stupid things when you were younger. What were you doing seven years ago?
Penny: Excuse me, I was in high school, studying, keeping my nose clean, doing volunteer work for the community...
[Cut to Penny seven years ago, sitting with her boyfriend looking at a pregnancy kit]
Penny: Not pregnant! Yes!
Sheldon: In a post-apocalyptic world, which task would you assign the highest priority? Locating a sustainable food source, reestablishing a functioning government, procreating, or preserving the knowledge of mankind?
Leonard: Uh, I'm gonna go with... preserving the knowledge.
Sheldon: That's correct. FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating.
Raj Koothrappali: Do you have an opinion about everything?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
Howard Wolowitz: You just assume you're always right?
Sheldon Cooper: It's not an assumption.
[to get away from Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, and Howard are getting ready to go to Howard's house]
Sheldon Cooper: Wait, let me get my jacket.
Howard Wolowitz: You're not going with us.
Sheldon Cooper: Why?
Raj Koothrappali: You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh. Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is "I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away."