Sometimes I Think About Dying

The energy of this film is in its stillness.

Sparse dialogue. No driving, linear narrative. The camera is perpetually stationary. Almost nothing is loud or abrupt. But it hums restlessly with quiet anxiety.

Your attention is never commanded, but your interest is rewarded. Fran is the subject of your observation, and she is in everything subtle and restrained. Every modulation of body language, shade of facial expression, and placement of gaze dispenses information. You are with her constantly and quickly become intimate. You consider her, wonder at her. You empathize with her; you're confused by her. You don't have to understand her. You simply see what she sees and feel what she feels. You are there when she is tense and afraid, when she allows herself to smile, when she indulges her desire and when she represses it. She's a particularly vulnerable human, and you are there in the midst of all of it. This film and its protagonist are beautifully small, shy, and fragile, and watching it is compelling if you can feel the weight of responsibility that comes with so intimately witnessing a person in their intense vulnerability.

Sometimes I Think About Dying feels precious in its plain honesty and total vulnerability.

It's not a story, just a person.

As much as I loved the style in which director Rachel Lambert explored a few weeks in the largely uneventful (but..eventful too.. sort of?) life of a socially awkward isolation-enjoyer, what spoke to me is her sense of visual aesthetics. The port city of Astoria, Orgeon is a distinct character within the film, and its laidback stillness is something I grew to like. Several frames delineate the notion, and I think they sublimely complimented the life that Fran (Daisy Ridley) lives. She enjoys her work, but loves running away from the small talk that the office brings. She awkwardly exits office gatherings, including one where a longtime colleague of hers is retiring. There's greater meaning to most of these little moments, but not everything has a meaty payoff.

The film's delicate pacing is, at times, broken through banter between Fran and her new colleague Robert (Dave Merheje), as well as through sudden transitions where she ponders over death (..her death, i.e.). This is the most I've enjoyed a Daisy Ridley performance in years, and it speaks volumes when an actor can convey the right emotions through subtle changes in body language. Fran isn't much of a talker per se, but when she does, she's also less curious. She slowly grows to love movies and being around people, thanks to Robert's interventions. I like how the film addresses the issue of Robert being unable to fully comprehend Fran as a person. There are layers to her than even we (..as audiences..) cannot fully peel off. We know next-to-nothing about her family, and the circumstances in which she grew up. We know she ain't suicidal, but she doesn't seem to relish life all that much either.

Actually, a lot of unsaid elements contribute to further, deeper readings of Fran's demeanor. Her depressing thoughts on death aside, there's one moving scene towards the end where she randomly encounters the retired ex-colleague and learns how life is so unpredictable and difficult, underneath all the "plaster" that we add to it. I got to know that the film is based on a 2013 play called Killers, and it, sure as hell, makes for splendid material on the stage. I'm glad though, that Lambert decided to make it into a film, as mundanity of life is something that's less discussed in the world of cinema. Dabney Morris' score adds to the understated nature of its proceedings, making the experience even better.

"Fran" (Daisy Ridley) likes to keep herself to herself. She's very much on the periphery of things at work and goes home to her favourite cottage cheese and bed by 10.15 most evenings. The arrival of "Robert" (Dave Merheje) shakes things up a little when his request for some office provisions leads to a trip to the cinema to see "Departure" (2015). Though it could never be described as racy, what now ensues watches the two get a little close and a better acquainted. She reveals to him that as she looks from her cubicle window at the huge cranes loading and unloading the ships, she imagines herself swinging from one of them - and not in the way a child might! A chance meeting with the recently retired "Carol" (Marcia DeBonis) in a diner might help "Fran" recalibrate her priorities though! This is a far cry from anything Ridley has done thus far, and shows her as an actor of considerable versatility. The writing works quite well here, too. Sparingly used between the main characters but more plentifully used to illustrate the banal nature of her life at work - especially with boss "Isobel" (Megan Stalter) who has verbal diarrhoea in just about every way you can imagine. The story takes quite an interesting look at those (slightly) later in life who are in a rut and content to remain so but I'm afraid this whole scenario doesn't really make for gripping cinema. Indeed, at times the director seems content to leave us with only the superficial glimpse of the characters and together with the bleak and dull nature of the lighting, creates an ennui all of it's own. It's not so much that nothing really happens, it's that I wasn't really bothered either way if it did or didn't. The whole thing is all just a bit too lacklustre. It's fine, this film, but not much more.

If you enjoy reading my Spoiler-Free thoughts, please follow my blog to read my full review :)

"Sometimes I Think About Dying tackles social anxiety and loneliness in a purposefully dull yet intriguing fashion. Lingering cinematography, atmospheric score, and a phenomenal Daisy Ridley - a career-best performance - somehow make it all work, but its uneventful, repetitive narrative won't be for everyone.

Still, after a good night's sleep, I actually feel more positive than yesterday, so maybe it's a film that will grow on people over time. As one character puts it, "it's hard being a person". And with that, I can fully relate to."

Rating: B-

Sometimes I Think About Dying, I think this is the first Ridley movie I've seen after her career in star wars, so.. quite a shift in tone. But a good film nonetheless. It allowed Ridley to show a lot more of herself and she deserves it because being tainted by a massive franchise is hard to break out of and really shape your own path.

Directing is something special here, and is what elevates this movie beyond it's subdued plot and somewhat lackluster story. But the beautiful meditative method of filming really sucks you into the world, but also the time and place, it just really slows you down. It's a very oddly relaxing movie. The into perfectly blends you into the little world you're stepping into. Just great. Paced well too, certainly didn't really overstay it's welcome but also didn't stick the land as much as I'd hoped.

The story and how it accentuates it with scenes like the poster, for me never really managed to capture much that the character was already doing day to day. It added another highlight, but not a layer or depth to the thought process. And if anything I wish we had more of that, more to explore. But it continues to be distant. Intentionally, in story, but also to the viewer.

Is this a movie that showcases depression that well. Nah. But it doesn't hurt it either, it's a perspective and I can appreciate the directing behind it. It has snippets of the real thing, also some blending of social anxiety.

Music was good too, used effectively. Sound design was excellent. Making dull quite rooms sound like dull quiet rooms isn't easy.

Good, but some potential left out.