Community (TV Series)
Basic Genealogy (2010)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Annie Edison : How much effort do I rate?
Jeff Winger : For you, I'd break a light sweat.
Annie Edison : Good. I need a favor. Help Pierce with his step daughter?
Jeff Winger : You're becoming dangerous, Annie. It's those doe eyes.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Jeffrey. Aw, come here, son.
[hugs Jeff]
Jeff Winger : [sways side to side] Are we hugging or dancing?
Pierce Hawthorne : You know, if the roles were reversed, I would've had sex with your ex-stepdaughter.
Jeff Winger : I did.
Pierce Hawthorne : Chip off the old block. It was either that or deal with your actual pain.
Jeff Winger : What pain?
Pierce Hawthorne : 12 O'clock
[looking past Jeff]
Jeff Winger : [Jeff looks over his shoulder and spots Michelle] Oh, are you kidding me?
[pained expression appears and Jeff begins to quietly weep]
Pierce Hawthorne : It's okay. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Let it out, let it out.
Jeff Winger : [crying on Pierce's shoulder] We always use to watch the shows she wanted to watch. I hate Glee!
Pierce Hawthorne : I'm not crazy about Glee either.
Jeff Winger : [sobbing] I hate it. I don't understand the appeal at all.
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Britta Perry : [smiling] Nana, here's your switch.
Nana : Bring it here. Oh, I'll make do.
[cheerfully]
Britta Perry : Okay.
[Britta presents her right hand, palm down]
Britta Perry : Let me have it.
Nana : I ain't no nun. Bend over.
[with a worried look Britta turns her right hand palm up]
Nana : Drop your pants and get over my lap.
Troy Barnes : [whispers to Britta] All you have to do is walk away.
[Britta, with a satisfied smile, sets her purse down, removes her leather jacket, lowers her pants and lies on Nana's lap]
Troy Barnes : What are you doing?
Nana : She's respecting her elders.
Britta Perry : See, Troy, did you think I was a hypocrite? That I wouldn't really...
[whipping noise]
Britta Perry : Okay, ow, that really... Whoo! Okay, that really...
[crying]
Troy Barnes : [crying] I don't understand you, Britta. I don't understand you at all.
[Britta and Troy sobbing]
Jeff Winger : You know what? Totally wrong room. Will you get the door?
Amber : Mm-hmm.
Troy Barnes : [screaming] She's had enough!
[sobbing]
Troy Barnes : She's had enough!
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Annie Edison : Are you just doing this because Slater hurt you?
Jeff Winger : What? No. I'm not hurt. And Amber threw herself at me.
Annie Edison : Well, you still have to tell Pierce that she's taking advantage of him, don't you?
Jeff Winger : Well, when you think about it, nobody's getting hurt. Pierce is getting a daughter, Amber's getting allowance, I'm getting... well, we already talked about it. But don't forget, this is Pierce. He's a racist, homophobic old goof, and he does bad stuff all the time.
Annie Edison : Well, sounds like you got it all figured out, so why are you talking to me about it?
Jeff Winger : Because you're... you know.
Annie Edison : A decent person?
Jeff Winger : Maybe.
Annie Edison : And you knew that talking to me about it would make you feel like a bad friend, and you wanted to feel like a bad friend because you wanna be a good friend?
Jeff Winger : You really suck, you know that?
-
Pierce Hawthorne : Jeff, what are you still doing here?
Jeff Winger : I go to school here, remember?
Pierce Hawthorne : Well, Amber, there's a Pictionary tournament in the student lounge. Would you like to play?
Amber : Sure. Is Jeff joining us?
Jeff Winger : I can't. I have to go.
Pierce Hawthorne : [to Jeff] Come on, stay.
Jeff Winger : I can't.
Amber : Then maybe I shouldn't stay either.
Pierce Hawthorne : [to Jeff] Stay.
Jeff Winger : You think I should?
Pierce Hawthorne : I think you have to.
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Jeff Winger : Disappointing you is like choking the Little Mermaid with a bike chain.
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Jeff Winger : Hey. Haven't seen you all day.
Professor Michelle Slater : [catching her breath] I've been really busy. Plus I had to find, like, 30 extra chairs for my classroom, since it's family day.
Jeff Winger : Oh, speaking of, I was going to invite my mom so you could meet her, but, uh, she still thinks I'm a lawyer.
[laughing]
Jeff Winger : Oh, look! The human being has a little human with it... how blood curdlingly adorable.
Professor Michelle Slater : Jeff. We need to talk.
Jeff Winger : What's wrong?
[sarcastically]
Jeff Winger : Are you breaking up with me?
Professor Michelle Slater : Oh.
[giggles]
Professor Michelle Slater : Maybe we don't need to talk.
-
Jeff Winger : Well, you're too gorgeous to be a teacher, and you're too happy to be a student. Take me to where your car broke down.
Amber : I'm here for family day. I'm looking for my family.
Jeff Winger : Oh, well, I'm sure at the very least I can fill in for a creepy Uncle. Jeff.
Amber : Amber.
Pierce Hawthorne : There she is! Look at you, all grown up.
Amber : Hey.
Pierce Hawthorne : Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber.
Jeff Winger : Small world.
Pierce Hawthorne : No, actually, it's a very big world with five billion other women in it.
[chuckling]
Pierce Hawthorne : Good luck. Come on, I'll show you around.
-
Ben Chang : Winger. Too cool for family?
Jeff Winger : Everyone here is my family.
[all boo]
Troy Barnes : Weak.
-
Pierce Hawthorne : Over the course of seven marriages, ive amassed some 32 stepchildren. And obviously, Amber's my favorite.
Amber : Yeah, there was something about his mass emails that made me certain this would be a family reunion.
Pierce Hawthorne : Sure is, sweetie. She's going to photography school.
Jeff Winger : Oh, that sounds interesting.
Pierce Hawthorne : Keep it in your pants, Winger. You're embarrassing yourself. She may be hot, but she's my princess.
Amber : Step-princess.
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Jeff Winger : Could I get a map of the minefield known as your Valentine's Day expectations?
