Two brothers intercept 911 calls in a beat up old ambulance to torture and kill helpless victims.Two brothers intercept 911 calls in a beat up old ambulance to torture and kill helpless victims.Two brothers intercept 911 calls in a beat up old ambulance to torture and kill helpless victims.
Think of the most convoluted, confusing and frankly, boring plot of the worst of the Saw series and you'll have yourself your own Old 37 including all the same Saw-gore and bad acting you can tolerate. Mercifully, it's not the same plot, but all of the outer edges are the same despite having such a dull blade to begin with.
I guess the main plot is SUPPOSED to be about two evil Tucker & Dales who use an ambulance to prey on innocent victim victims...of car crashes, but is turned into some not-so-teen drama straight outta I Know What You Did Last Summer. Actually, make that: it's more like the parody of that movie from within Scary Movie.
In truth, there are about 28 flashbacks making up a good half of the runtime from both the killers driving the Old 37 (the ambulance's name, I believe, who knows?) and "teen's" POV and those made my mind wander so much, I have no real idea what this mess is about.
But, hey, when is it NOT great to have horror screen legends: Bill Moseley and Kane Hodder in front of the camera and very nice gore graphics? Also, no-spoilers, but I LOVED the very end. To be honest, it didn't fit the scene before, but it still was a pretty good final shot. (And the scene before, I totally got the reference, Mr. Hodder. I sure did.)
But, no amount of a Masked Hodder, a Bored Bill, gore and a great finale will save this all-over-the-place horror film. I didn't even get to the weird mother/daughter relationship.
At least, I think they were mother and daughter. They really looked like a handful of years apart in age. I'm so confused.
Final thoughts: Maybe this is just past my generation. I am an Old 46-year-old, myself.
- May 9, 2020