Trama

Jack and Dan are given a routine case about stolen humidifier, which soon escalates into a case involving drug runners, hired assassins, a plastic surgeon, and a golf bag filled with drug money.

Old-school cop Dan Stark and modern-day detective Jack Bailey expose the big picture of small crime. Pursuing a routine investigation of a stolen humidifier, Jack and Dan are inadvertently thrust into a much larger case involving drug smugglers, hired assassins and a stolen green golf bag. Reminded of the way he busted punks back in the good old days, Dan convinces Jack to go along for the ride, and in their reckless pursuit of justice, the two wind up risking their lives, breaking a flurry of department regulations and reminding their boss, Lieutenant Ana Ruiz, and Jack's ex-girlfriend, Assistant District Attorney Liz Traynor, why these good guys will be spending many more days investigating seemingly minor crimes.—Fox Publicity

327 Hollinston St. Dallas, Texas, 11:27 p.m.

A man in a ski masks breaks into a darkened house but is interrupted by his cell phone ringing. Julius (RonReaco Lee) answers and asks to call whoever back, "I'm just stepping into work."

He's irritated the TV isn't even a flat screen and drops it and runs when he hears a car pull up.

8 Hours Later, Dallas Police Department Detective Jack Bailey (Colin Hanks) asks Lieutenant Ana Ruiz (Diana Maria Riva) to switch from Property Crimes with partner Dan Stark (Bradley Whitford) to something more exciting, like homicide. She suggests he curtail his habit of correcting people, like the captain, on their grammar. "It's just that there's no such thing as a 'statue' of limitations," he protests. He cites sloppy old report writing and evidence he could do better. It's the lieutenant's report.

Bailey goes to pick up Stark, who's finishing up perfecting his mustache in his trailer.

They're on the case from the night before, a stolen humidifier and a broken TV. Eileen (Nia Vardalos) recognizes Stark as the guy who saved the governor's son with his partner Frank Savage in 1985 - they made a TV movie about it, "Savage & Stark."

He suggests Bailey go find some evidence somewhere while he "interviews" the robbery victim.

Later in the car Stark says there's nothing wrong with sleeping with her because "it pleasured us both, plus it jogged her memory." She remembered a guy lurking around the neighborhood. He presents a sketch of a stick figure. He thinks maybe the stolen humidifier will lead to a major crime.

They pass the South Dallas Value Inn, where the titles tells us there is a "Major crime in progress."

Inside, a drug courier writes a strongly worded letter to his boss, fed up over having to drive economy size cars and stay in crappy hotels. He's taking the $4 million worth of product and disappearing.

He meets with Dr. Brad Kalfuss (Tom Amandes), cosmetic surgeon, and says he wishes to look like Erik Estrada. The surgeon promises he'll look more like Estrada than he does now.

Later, as he's under the knife a machine starts beeping and the courier's colleague who's pointing a gun at the surgeon gets nervous. The surgeon hurls his tray of instruments at him, the man fires and an oxygen tank explodes, taking out the whole office. The surgeon lives.

Office of Assistant D.A. Liz Traynor (Jenny Wade), Conviction rate 73 % She's incredulous Bailey wants her to get Forensics to do lab work on a stolen humidifier, as a gesture for their non-anniversary - had they not broken up a year ago. She agrees, to get him to leave.

Dr. Kalfuss meets with Julius, who he apparently knows through an insurance scam, and asks him to drive the car (with the dealer's body in it) to Mexico and dump it.

The next day, the lab comes up with Julius Grant's fingerprints from the humidifer theft. (Stark's not sure about things in the blood that carry DNA, "jury's still out.")

Outside a pawn shop, they watch Julius carry a golf bag in. Then they get distracted arguing over Stark's theory computers might rise up and overthrow humanity. Further, he brings up another old partner Savage story, about them finding quaaludes in a sock monkey. Bailey is loudly shouting there are no conspiracies, it's just a thrift store, when gun shots shatter the shop's windows from inside.

Bailey and Stark hit the dirt. They see a man firing at them.

16 Hours Earlier in Lima, Peru. That man meets with a drug lord who is holding a note from his cousin Escalante (Ramón Franco) in his hands. We learn Escalante used to take drugs to the US and return with money in a golf bag. But yesterday Escalante didn't come back and all his buyers were killed. He left a pamphlet for Dr. Kalfuss' practice in his villa.

He wants the man, the second best assassin in the world, to find Escalante and the golf bag. The man hops a flight to the states.

Kalfuss comes home from a jog and finds the man in his house holding a gun. Kalfuss tells him everything, including where to find Julius.

The man, who calls himself Pedro (Andrew Divoff), goes to the pawn shop and asks Julius for the golf bag. Julius isn't feeling cooperative. The guns come out and shooting starts.

Stark prepares to run in the front door. "Are you serious? You drank a quart of bourbon in the car!" shouts Bailey. "It was a fifth!" Stark says as he runs in.

In the crossfire, Julius makes it out to a car with the golf bag. Pedro's out after him followed by Stark, who throws himself on the car's hood. Despite a polite request that Pedro pull over, Pedro tosses him by hitting a pile of garbage.

Back at his place, Julius calls Kalfuss asking whose golf bag he gave him. Kalfuss answers the phone strapped to a table. Pedro takes the phone and makes plans to exchange the golf bag at a strip club on Thursday.

Back at the department, Lt. Ruiz tells Bailey and Stark she's taking them off the case. Stark's indignant after everything he did for her and the time they blew up the taco truck. Later, he tells Bailey that he and Ruiz were partners and, over a drink from his locker, a real cop wouldn't drop the case.

Stark has a plan. It consists of him eating rotten cottage cheese in the car and sprinkling himself with booze. They go into Julius' apartment where Lt. Ruiz is overseeing the crime scene. Stark pretends to be even drunker than he is and rambles until he pukes. Then he fake passes out and Bailey hustles everybody else out. Stark sits up. "You never heard of good cop-sick cop?"

Bailey finds a number in the trash. It belongs to Kalfuss. At his house, they're debating whether or not to go in when they get shot at again. They storm in and exchange another spectacular hail of bullets with Pedro as Kalfuss lies strapped to the table.

Stark follows Pedro into the other room as he reloads but is quickly felled by a dagger to the chest. He falls and Bailey goes in guns blazing. He empties his clips at Pedro...and misses completely.

In the other room, Stark sits up and takes the dagger out of the flask in his breast pocket. Pedro drives away.

Kalfuss accepts a drink from Stark and tells them Pedro looked up directions on his computer.

Cut to Pedro at the airport, meeting the drug lord, Don Romero (Alex Fernandez). He brought the best assassin in the world with him. "He was at a film festival, but now he's available."

At the strip club, Julius tries to negotiate with a biker gang to cover his back for his meeting with Pedro. Stark and Bailey come in and Bailey tackles Julius. They take the golf bag to the VIP room and shoot it open. Money pours out. Julius says all he knows is the bag belongs to a dead man. "All I know is that he's gone," Julius says. "He ain't never coming back."

1 Day Earlier, Mexico Escalante claws his way out of the trunk of the economy car, not dead. He steals a car and heads for the states.

At the strip club, Lt Ruiz prepares to read Bailey the riot act. She tells him Stark is only in the department because he saved the governor's son 25 years ago. And Frank Savage isn't anymore because he had a nervous breakdown after Stark got him to jump out of a moving car to save the governor's son. She wants Stark off the case.

At Kalfuss' office, he's telling Eileen that Stark bought her a boob job as a surprise when a bloody and bandaged Escalante busts in. Kalfuss cowers and tells him where Julius is then suggests Escalante take Eileen as a hostage.

Back at the strip club, Bailey tells Stark he's off the case.

At their hotel, Pedro is warned by Don Romero if he doesn't get the golf bag back, the best assassin in the world will kill his sons.

Bailey preps Julius with a mike and bullet proof vest for his meeting with Pedro.

Stark goes to buy booze at a convenience store and Escalante pulls up with Eileen outside. They drive off. But there happens to be a Thunderbird for sale nearby.

Pedro, the drug lord and the assassin go into the strip club. When Julius asks for his finder's fee, the drug lord shoots him in the chest. The police rush in. The drug lord is getting away outside with his golf bag when Escalante drives up. He runs his cousin down.

Inside, the assassins are shooting it out with the cops when Bailey sees Escalante with Eileen outside. He gives Julius his gun and goes for Eileen, but Pedro intercepts him. Bailey politely asks for permission to save Eileen the innocent and Pedro covers him and ushers him out.

Escalante drives away but Stark pulls up in his Thunderbird.

Back in the strip club, the assassins face off as Julius and Lt. Ruiz watch.

Stark and Bailey race after Escalante and Eileen.

Julius narrates the assassin face off as they stare each other down, guns drawn.

We cut back and forth between the two scenes as Julius explains the assassins are waiting for the tiniest advantage and it'll be over just like "that." He snaps his fingers and Pedro fires, moving up to No. 1 assassin. He puts his guns down.

Back on the road, Bailey realizes Escalante is going to kill Eileen unless he jumps from the moving car. He makes the leap, climbs in the back window of the SUV and grapples with Escalante. He finally ends things by yanking on the emergency brake.

Eileen thanks Stark with a sloppy kiss.

One Week Later ADA Traynor explains to Bailey and Stark $1 million in property damage is hard to explain for one arrest. Pedro is getting off because he's got a deal with the CIA and Julius the humidifier thief won't be prosecuted because they violated more than 30 procedural rules - a record. They'll be getting no reward of any kind and they remain on routine investigations.

Traynor tells Bailey, way off the record, it was some good work.

Back outside, Stark suggests they track down Julius and see if he has any leads. Stark shows Bailey a letter of admiration he got from Pedro. And they're off to bust some punks.