[Troy works on a crossword puzzle]
Troy Barnes: Broadway musical, five letters.
Abed Nadir: Annie.
Troy Barnes: Six letters, to penetrate.
Abed Nadir: Pierce.
Troy Barnes: Water filter, starts with "B".
Abed Nadir: Britta.
Troy Barnes: Four letters, Helen of...
Abed Nadir: Troy.
Troy Barnes: Four letters, one of acting brothers Bridges.
Abed Nadir: Hmmm, that's a tough one. What could it be? What could it be?
Jeff Winger: Guys? Don't you see? It's Beau! They're all things you can see on T.V. "Pierce" was a misdirect.
Professor Michelle Slater: I didn't want or need anything more than what we were doing.
Jeff Winger: Great. Let's get back to it.
Professor Michelle Slater: Oh, but I can't because you went to the friend zone. That's you getting official, not me. Because unless there's something I need to know about the lunch lady or the blonde in your study group with the infinite supply of leather jackets, somewhere between our 8th and 11th time having sex, most people, statistically speaking, would say we're more than just pals.
Jeff Winger: Yes, but once you say it things can get messy and complicated.
Jeff Winger: Because once you say it, later you might have to unsay it.
Professor Michelle Slater: Whoopdie-freakin'-ding, Winger. It happens 5-million times a day. It's the Jim Belushi of sexual commitments. It barely means anything and it grows on what's there over time.
Jeff Winger: Boy, this guy's really taking a pounding in this conversation.
Jeff Winger: The biggest truths aren't original. The truth is ketchup. It's Jim Belushi. Its job isn't to blow our minds. It's to be within reach, and the truth is, I get claustrophobic when things get official.
Pierce Hawthorne: Culturally it's unacceptable, but it's theatrical dynamite.
Annie Edison: ..."Our library's back door conundrum."
Abed Nadir: Sounds like a porno with Kate Winslet.
Pierce Hawthorne: You know when I was 30, people used to wish I was dead to my face. Now that's respect.
Jeff Winger: You keep a list of everyone based on how good-looking they are?
Dean Pelton: Yes, we do... number two.
Professor Michelle Slater: Dean Pelton?
Dean Pelton: Yes, Professor Seven... uh, Professor Slater?
Pierce Hawthorne: Troy, what you did took guts. I'm impressed.
Troy Barnes: Thanks Pierce.
Pierce Hawthorne: And such a creative way to tell the world you're gay.
Troy Barnes: Girls are supposed to dance. That's why god gave them parts that jiggle.
Abed Nadir: This is like being told you're our new mother.
Professor Michelle Slater: But you know it's nothing like that?
Abed Nadir: Do you cook macaroni?
Professor Michelle Slater: I have.
Abed Nadir: Macaroni's my favorite.
Troy Barnes: Hey, you don't get to talk to me like that! You are not Shirley! And - Shirley's not my mom!
Jeff Winger: This is based on hearsay. Less than hearsay: Pierce's Twitter account, which says he is forty and runs a women-only pilates class.
Shirley Bennett: What is it about being a single white slacker that makes you people so jaded?
Britta Perry: Ooh, you people? What do you mean "you people"? I cannot believe I got to say that.
Shirley Bennett: It's the little things, isn't it?
Britta Perry: Troy and I have something we'd like to tell you.
[takes Troy's hand]
Annie Edison: [gasps]
Britta Perry: Oh, no, no.