4.3/10
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16 user 30 critic

The Perfect House (2013)

| Horror | 2013 (USA)
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0:59 | Trailer
A young couple's dream home turns into a house of horrors when the disturbing, violent acts of three generations of doomed families is reawakened for them to witness.

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
... Mother
... John Doesy
... Jeff
Dustin Stevens ... Stranger
... Real Estate Agent
Andrea Vahl ... Marisol
William A. Robertson ... Mike
Kris Smith ... Storm Mother
Timothy Dugan ... Storm Father
Alex Victoria ... Storm Daughter (as Alex Markousis)
Michael Wagner ... Storm Son
Holly Greene ... Female Cage Victim
... Male Cage Victim
Becky Friedman ... Distraught Mother
Angelina Leigh ... Female Victim
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Storyline

Newlyweds, Mike and Marisol, are given the tour of their potential dream home by a perky real estate Agent. They soon find out that their perfect house might just have a past. The ugly horrors of this house are revealed through three original tales of terror: "THE STORM" A Hitchcock inspired, dark shadow filled tale of an abusive family taking shelter in their basement from a violent, fast approaching storm. Soon we learn that the weather isn't the only thing threatening to tear this family apart.... "CHIC-KEN" Jason, Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger are all mythological perfect killing machines that still to this day terrorize our subconscious. But could the perfect serial killer truly exist? Maybe he's already been operating undetected for years. Maybe he's someone's next-door neighbor. Maybe even yours...... "DINNER GUEST" Overseas tourists and malcontents have been tortured and dismembered by sick sociopaths in puzzling ways many times over. These days you never know what can be ... Written by Kris Hulbert

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Every house has a past

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Horror

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Details

Official Sites:

Official Facebook | Official site |  »

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Release Date:

2013 (USA)  »

Also Known As:

A Devil's Inside  »

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Did You Know?

Trivia

The days the crew needed to shoot important exterior shots, it would rain or come close to raining. While filming everything else inside the house, nearly everyday was a sunny day. See more »

Quotes

John Doesy: There are no egotistically corrupt moral motives here, just one man thinning out the herd.
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Connections

References Casablanca (1942) See more »

Soundtracks

If I Die (On My Last Day)
Written by Jonathan Tiersten and 'Adam Schalke'
Performed by Jonathan Tiersten and Ten Tiers
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User Reviews

 
So off the charts terrible...it's like an interactive insult
16 March 2014 | by See all my reviews

"I'd go so far as to call The Perfect House one of the most pointless, soulless, ugly, and disgusting horror films of the past ten years...and that's precisely what these filmmakers are after." - Scott Weinberg, FEARnet

Mr. Weinberg's comments are so dead-on, I just had to repeat them. I wished I'd read his review before I wasted $5 on this sub-amateurish torture-porn farce that's really only tolerable when it's making fun of itself, which unfortunately isn't often enough.

The Perfect House is something like a car wreck: a film so poorly acted, so abominably shot and edited that most times you simply can't believe what you're seeing. It's hard to look away from because you can't imagine any filmmaker would expect this tripe to be taken seriously. And that's just the technical aspect.

This is a cobbled-together home-made POS with not one shred of redeeming value as a horror film (or any film). These "filmmakers" are not movie lovers. It's doubtful whether they've even seen a movie or maybe are just incompetent at operating the $200 software package they obviously used to edit with (after they recorded it on their five-year-old Handycam). No, these people are hucksters pure and simple. They know they're pulling one over on you and worse, they want you to know it. Either that, or they are dumber than they obviously assume that you are.

Here's a quick run-down of the film's "plot": It's an Anthology film (of course...since all the 'plots' are ludicrously flimsy and clichéd, unable to sustain a full length film certainly) about an "evil" house that drives ordinary people to commit murderous acts (weak attempts at the type of black humor horror done quite well in EC Comics stuff like "Creepshow"). Almost all the segments feature ridiculously hollow, hammy villains who mete out particularly vile tortures for no reason...to many children, no less. I guess they couldn't get away with torturing animals, thank god. There are few good "effects" --- most of the violence is done in cutaway or is blurred or sped-up to mask the VFX guys incompetence or the lack of budget. Speaking of budget, what ghetto did they film this supposed "dream house" in?

Yes, TPH is gory, gross, and nauseating. Some of the best horror films are. What they are not, is puerile, shoddily made, and insulting. Sam Raimi's Evil Dead, this is not. It's not even fourth-rate swill like "Don't Look in the Basement" or a camp horror film that's a pleasure because it is so bad (the "Sleepaway Camp" films featuring Felissa Rose, who does scream well here). These guys might be able to daydream about being that good one day, but they'll probably just wind up watching these other films on cable.

Just because a film has no money doesn't mean it has to suck. But that requires technique, good camera set-ups, and actors who actually are capable of and want to do a decent job. Oh yes, and a script whose lines aren't complete recycled garbage from bad '60s drive-in fare and actually reflect how people speak, with hints to their characters' motivations and back stories and....

What's the point? If you agree that those things are important, run as fast as you can from this film. It is a dangerous piece of "art" --- simply because making it a success will no doubt egg on other charlatans to follow the money trail with yet another poorly made con job.


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