5.4/10
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17 user 6 critic

Tortoise in Love (2012)

Not Rated | | Comedy | 13 July 2012 (UK)
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Tom, gardener at the big house, can talk to plants but not to women. When beautiful Polish au pair Anya arrives for the summer, Tom falls for her catastrophically like the felling of one of the giant trees he cares for in the grounds.

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Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
Tom Mitchelson ...
Tom
Alice Zawadzki ...
Anya
Tom Yates ...
Harry
Mike Kemp ...
Albert
...
Brendan
Duncan Armitage ...
Jason Grandage
Des Brittain ...
Spud Collington
...
Mrs Summers
Sharon Gavin ...
Charlie
...
Jane
...
Liz Collington
...
Sean
Philip Herbert ...
Bob Hardcastle
Tony Long ...
Jack Partridge
Petina Hapgood ...
Mary
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Storyline

Tom, gardener at the big house, is not a fast mover with women. In fact he's glacially slow. When beautiful Polish au pair Anya arrives for the summer, Tom falls for her catastrophically like the felling of one of the giant trees he cares for in the manicured grounds. Tom's adviser in matters of the heart is young Harry, abandoned by the rich owners of the house to run wild in the gardens. Harry's secret wish is for the Red Arrows to appear at the village fair: Tom's is to win the heart of Anya. Both seem impossible dreams until the whole village decides to lend a hand. Written by Guy Browning

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

He likes you. He's just a slow mover.

Genres:

Comedy

Certificate:

Not Rated | See all certifications »
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Details

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Release Date:

13 July 2012 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

The Husband Obedience Trials  »

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Box Office

Budget:

£160,000 (estimated)
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Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
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Did You Know?

Trivia

The film was made on a very low budget. Many local companies sponsored it or gave their services for free, and many residents of Kingston Bagpuize (the main filming location) helped with production and appeared as extras. See more »

Connections

Featured in The One Show: Episode #7.95 (2012) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Distinctly Amateur
12 July 2012 | by See all my reviews

Having heard the story about the making of the film (a community project)and the relative success I was full of anticipation and wanted to enjoy it. Sadly, while it starts well, by about ten minutes in it very much feels like a film made by two different groups of people professionals and amateurs.

The settings and locations are great and make pleasant viewing, the cinematography is lovely and the sound track fitting, however the script is truly lame and the story paper thin with no character development even attempted. As a viewer I was left with the sense that the film had been built around a few key scenes / jokes which while mildly amusing simply aren't enough to carry an hour and a half, and that therefore the script writer was either too lazy or too arrogant to care.

The two leads and the young boy all look good on screen and do a reasonable job with the terribly weak material and some clunking dialogue "your lips are a rocket and mine are the landing station" The rest of the acting is split and the experience/talent of the likes of Stephen Elder, Ivan Kaye, Lesley Staples and Mike Kemp only serves to accentuate the weaknesses of some of the other actors who display everything from just plain ineptness on screen to wild over acting, random gesticulation and weird accents.

It's a film version of an am-dram performance and like am dram performances it's really only of interest if you are in it or know someone who is.


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