Jerry McCafferty: Oregon has rallied in anticipation of the state's upcoming ratification vote on the Vampire Rights Ammendment. Polls show the measure gaining support in recent months although nearly twenty percent of the country remains undecided.
[Suddenly Russell appears behind Jerry. His fist comes through Jerry's chest and then rips out Jerry's spine. People in the studio are heard screaming]
Russell Edgington: Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington, and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years! Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you, and, I suppose, in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide... That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your... designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of permanence to quell your... your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end, we... are... nothing... like you! We are... immortal! Because we drink the true blood! Blood that is living, organic, and human. Mmm! And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you, because let's face it, eating people is a tough sell these days, so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA, but make no mistake: mine is the true face of vampires! Why... would we... seek... equal... rights? You... are not... our equals! We will eat you! After we eat your children! Now time for the weather. Tiffany?
