Alcide Herveaux: No matter how well you think you know somebody, they can just turn around and kick you right in the nutsack.
Sookie Stackhouse: I don't have a nutsack.
Sookie Stackhouse: [shocked] The last time I saw you, you asked me to marry you.
Bill Compton: You did us both a favor by not saying 'yes'.
Sookie Stackhouse: You have to say that... Someone is is listenin'.
Bill Compton: Lorena, actually.
Sookie Stackhouse: [leaning into him] Oh my god. You're so warm.
Alcide Herveaux: Sorry.
Sookie Stackhouse: It's okay. I'm just not used to it.
Alcide Herveaux: It's a Were thing. We run hot.
Sookie Stackhouse: I thought you were comin' down with the flu.
Alcide Herveaux: ...You probably want some privacy.
Sookie Stackhouse: That's the last thing I want.
Franklin Mott: [glamoring her] Tell me everything you know about Bill and Sookie.
Tara Thornton: [tranced] She says it was love at first sight.
Franklin Mott: You don't believe that?
Tara Thornton: True love? Hell no. People just get what they want and leave.
Franklin Mott: And what does Sookie want?
Tara Thornton: Quiet. Being a telepath gets real noisy. She can't hear Bill.
Franklin Mott: Her brother, is he a telepath too?
Tara Thornton: Jason barely knows what he's thinkin', let alone anyone else.
Deputy Kenya Jones: Well, I guess the only way to get a promotion in this town is to drink like a fish, hallucinate farm animals and kill a black man. Hey - promotion! Uh huh.
Sookie Stackhouse: [as she tends to his wounds] Don't take it personally. The Were you were fightin' had vampire blood in him. Bill's in fact, so I know it's strong.
Alcide Herveaux: Werewolves doing V? It goes against everything we stand for... the rest of the pack into that shit?
Sookie Stackhouse: The one's who took Bill, at least.
Alcide Herveaux: Like I need more reasons to hate them.
Sookie Stackhouse: Is Debbie your ex-girlfriend?
Alcide Herveaux: [reserved] My fiance. She moved out a month ago.
Sookie Stackhouse: A month? And you still haven't gotten new furniture?
Alcide Herveaux: Don't have time for it.
Sookie Stackhouse: You ever... hear from her?
Alcide Herveaux: My sister Janice does. She runs a beauty parlor. Debbie still goes in to get her hair done.
Bill Compton: Look at your life since I entered it. I've only caused you pain.
Sookie Stackhouse: [in tears] That's not true!
Bill Compton: I am death. I will only bring you sufferin'. Our worlds are too different. Our natures are to. We were doomed from the start.
Sookie Stackhouse: I don't believe you.
Bill Compton: Believe what you want. You are no longer of concern to me. Do not try to find me. I do not wish to be found.
Sookie Stackhouse: [sobbing] What does he mean he doesn't want to be found?
Alcide Herveaux: Um, I think it means he doesn't want to see you anymore.
Sookie Stackhouse: That's not what he said.
Alcide Herveaux: Well, what do you think he said?
Sookie Stackhouse: I don't know what he said. I just know that isn't the man I love!
Alcide Herveaux: Well, the man you loved never even existed except in your head.
Sookie Stackhouse: Is that supposed to be making me feel better?
Alcide Herveaux: I don't know but no matter how well you think you know somebody, they can still turn around and kick you!
Sookie Stackhouse: [crying about Bill] He risked everything for me. This is way bigger than him breaking up with me.
Alcide Herveaux: How many relationships you been in?
Sookie Stackhouse: What does that matter?
Alcide Herveaux: All I'm sayin' is there's no nice way of getting outta these things.
Sam Merlotte: [knocking on the van door] You're sleepin' in my parking lot?
Melinda Mickens: We hadn't left yet because uh... well um, we got no where to go. We're a little behind in the rent. Plus our landlord got foreclosed on.
Sam Merlotte: Oh, so that's why you came here? To eat me food and steal from me! Tommy tried to break into my safe.
Melinda Mickens: Shoot! Somethime I think that boys cheese done slid right off his cracker! He does desperate things when we fall on hard times.
Janice Herveaux: [after Sookie opens the door] You're Sookie Stackhouse? Thank you, Jesus. I mean I settled for a two-bit hooker to get my brother's mind off that bitch, Debbie Pelt. But you are cute and sweet. You're just what he needs.
Sookie Stackhouse: I called you 'cause I need to get into Lou Pines without standin' out.
Janice Herveaux: You need to look the part. Well that is my specialty. How deep do you wanna go?
Sookie Stackhouse: I wanna look like I could kick some serious ass, which I can.
Pam De Beaufort: [over the phone] We're being raided.
Eric Northman: So? Call the American Vampire League. They'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy.
Pam De Beaufort: [in Swedish] It's not the police. It's the Magister.
Eric Northman: I'm coming there now.
Pam De Beaufort: Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up.
Sam Merlotte: When people come in, first thing count how many of them there are. More than two always gets a table, never the bar. Say there's three. Pull out one, two, three menus, and walk them to their table.
Jessica Hamby: Well, what about the waitressing part?
Sam Merlotte: Gotta be 18 to serve alcohol in Louisiana.
Jessica Hamby: That is so not fair, I'm never going to be 18! And I used to be the best server at Archer's Pancake night.
Sam Merlotte: Think you can handle it?
Jessica Hamby: I'm a vampire, not a fucking idiot!
[Turns to next group of customers]
Jessica Hamby: Hi, welcome to Merlotte's, table Five's available, if you'll just follow me to right this way.
[Gives Sam a look as she walks by]
Alcide Herveaux: What time you wanna head back to Bon Temps? Since you're not looking for that asshole anymore.
Sookie Stackhouse: Oh, I still plan on finding him.
Alcide Herveaux: Okay, doormat.
Sookie Stackhouse: I'm *not* a doormat. I just want him to say it to my face.
Alcide Herveaux: What, he didn't hurt you enough?
Sookie Stackhouse: I think he's in trouble. Maybe I'm wrong, but if he can look me in the eye and tell me it's over, then I'll leave him here to rot.
Alcide Herveaux: You looking for closure? Just let it go, move on.
Sookie Stackhouse: Says the man cooking breakfast in a wok because he's too sad to buy a new frying pan.
Kitch Maynard: Come end of season, they'll be shouting my name, and they'll forget you ever existed.
Jason Stackhouse: But 10 years from now, there's gonna be a version of you, 10 years younger, doing the same thing to you. And then who you gonna be?
Kitch Maynard: [Lost] What?
Sam Merlotte: Here, let me help you.
Arlene Fowler: God, you wanna help me? How about doing your job, boss? Right now I'm a hostess, waitress, bartender, busboy, because everybody you hire comes to work whenever they fucking feel like it or ends up dead!
Russell Edgington: "A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." Rudyard Kipling. No Shakespeare, but less impetuous. And he never stole spoons.
Arlene Fowler: A hostess ain't gonna help me with my workload. And she sure as heck ain't helping herself to my tips.
Sam Merlotte: Calm down. I put an ad in the Pennysaver for another waitress. No one said anything about Jessica getting tips.
Arlene Fowler: People love giving redheads tips!
Arlene Fowler: You let in every stray, Sam. I mean, first that old dog, and then your folks, and now Jessica. I mean, it's your business. It's not a charity.
Sam Merlotte: I can take care of myself. My folks won't be coming around anymore.
Terry Bellefleur: You sure they know that? Because they're grilling in the parking lot.
[Sam runs of to deal with this]
Terry Bellefleur: One thing's for sure: we'll never be as bad of parents as they are.
Bill Compton: Your Majesty, if I am going to sign my own death warrant I will need something in return. When I have fulfilled my duties, I want Lorena gone.
Russell Edgington: Gone?
Bill Compton: Yes.
Russell Edgington: It is a punishable offense to kill another vampire.
Bill Compton: Not if no one reports it.
Eric Northman: I am who you want. But I have been framed.
Magister: "Oh, you've got the wrong man." "My dog ate my homework." "I saw Goody Osburn with the devil." Excuses are one thing I can assure you do not get better with age.
Debbie Pelt: You thought this knight-on-a-white-horse shit would work? With me?
Alcide Herveaux: What have you done to yourself?
Debbie Pelt: I finally got free of you. And I never been happier in my life.
Alcide Herveaux: I still care about you. You go through with this, the pack will never let you back in.
Debbie Pelt: I don't need your pussy pack. And I was fucking Coot when I was still with you.
Alcide Herveaux: This isn't about us.
Debbie Pelt: Like hell. You came here and brought this skank just to make me jealous.
Sookie Stackhouse: Skank? Well, coming from you, that's just funny.
Anne: No point anyway.
Bill Compton: What?
Anne: Loving anyone, anything. Feels good at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about life. It's a hell I'll never get out of alive.
Bill Compton: No one does.
Sam Merlotte: Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you a place, to stay, for now, till you get back on your feet. No more stealin'
[gestures to Tommy]
Sam Merlotte: , no more drinkin'
[looks at Joe Lee]
Sam Merlotte: or the deal's off.
Melinda Mickens: I think we can manage that
[Looks at her husband and son, gestures for Joe Lee to commit to Sam's requirements]
Joe Lee Mickens: I don't see why not. Tommy? Think you can fly straight from now on?
[Looks at Sam with a slight smile]
Joe Lee Mickens: Supposed to be a joke.
Tommy Mickens: Maybe I can.
[Sam looks pleased]