Title Card: The Comanche and the whites have been at war since the early 1800s. The Texas Rangers were formed as a volunteer troop in order to contain the Comanche.
Woodrow F. Call: [Gus staggers out of a whorehouse drunk] I wonder if the Comanche realize how easy it would be to kill you at a time like this.
Gus McCrae: There ain't no Comanche left, Woodrow. That's the prime reason I've been getting drunk lately. The fact that you've refrained only underlines your lack of sensitivity.
Inez Scull: Slouchy as you are, I might like you to come to tea at my house.
Gus McCrae: What about Captain Call?
Inez Scull: Too stiff.
Inish Scull: Those torturing fiends down there are the best most capable opponents I've ever faced. I mean to kill them to the last man. But when it's done, hmm, my God I'll miss them.
Gus McCrae: You'll miss 'em, sir?
Inish Scull: I'm a fighting man, Mr. McCrae. And fighting men need other fighting men to fight.
Gus McCrae: I'd like to high tail it back to Austin and see Clara.
Woodrow F. Call: I'd like to sneak into Buffalo Hump's camp and kill him. That's my thinkin'. We'll have to fihgt 'em sooner or later anyway.
Gus McCrae: You know, that's the difference between you and me, Woodrow. I mostly think about love, you mostly think about war.
Gus McCrae: If only we were in Brazil, we could do with James what we did with my cousin Willy, who succumbed to the bite of the fer-de-lance, the deadliest snake in the world. Cousin Willie was a biologist...
Gus McCrae: [Speaking low as he anticipates that they're in for another long-winded story from the captain] Here we go! Captain's about to have a word fit.
Inish Scull: ...and it just so happens that they got what's called an undertaker beetle down there in Brazil, and Willy wanted to go back into the food chain the fastest way possible, so we laid him out naked, and immediately the beetle went to work. The very next day Cousin Willy was part of the food chain again - just as wished.
Gus McCrae: What is a genius anyway?
Woodrow F. Call: Well, I guess the captain's a genius. You oughta ask him.
Bill Coleman: A genius is someone with six toes on one foot. Well, that's what I heard anyway, I mean.